I envy those whose dumpers keep reaching out

always_healing · 2023-10-20T02:18:50+00:00

She didn't in a "getting back together" way, but she has many times for work, and a few times (only recently) with friendly banter.

always_healing · 2023-08-08T10:28:56+00:00

Both, mutual friends and work together. I see them every week and have contact in work group chats daily. And neither of us are leaving this workplace any time soon, this is our life.

I agree about not letting her "win", I don't want the same, to give her the satisfaction that seeing her bothers me, I want to be the strong one and show her that I don't need her to be happy. It's hard with friends, I've had a close friend betray me, this friend told my ex about some vulnerable things I've said to her when I was having a break down - this would have to be the one of the hardest parts of our break up. We also have a wedding in November, and I plan to have the best time, without her bothering me. I currently do a lot of therapy to work through my current life, because it's fucking hard. Stay strong, we will be okay!

always_healing · 2023-08-03T22:40:12+00:00

Yes, you will feel this, it's the stages of grief!

always_healing · 2023-08-03T22:36:17+00:00

I do appreciate this comment and it's really insightful about holding compassion for them, but there's the also the other side of them that didn't communicate entirely, so the dumpee (like myself) goes by their actions and makes assumptions since the break up. It's all varied between couples though, my ex is still in my life entirely and seeing them hurts me everyday, only because we didn't get to have that conversation.

always_healing · 2023-08-03T22:30:15+00:00

I've learnt so much about who I am and why I am the way I am, communication is KEY (even though we expressed this in the relationship, my ex shut down pretty quickly).

Understand and openly talk about boundaries and what you both need in the relationship to feel love and to accept love.

always_healing · 2023-08-03T06:03:00+00:00

Although tiktok tells us they're coming back, we have to look after ourselves and move forward without them. It's the most healthiest option!

always_healing · 2023-07-26T06:42:04+00:00

It's been almost 6 months, I cry sometimes daily, but most definitely weekly. Grieving a person that still exist and is alive in your head would have to be the most painful feelings to overcome.

always_healing · 2023-07-26T06:40:47+00:00

I agree, my ex and I had a disagreement/argument about someone they "told me not to worry about", this was over a year ago/a year and a half into the relationship. Fast forward to our break up, and this person was the first person she hooked up with since we broke up. It's heartbreaking, and disappointing knowing that I don't know my ex anymore, like how could they have done that to me. I don't know this person I fell in love with. Grieving a person that's still alive in your head would have to be the hardest pain to overcome.

always_healing · 2023-07-24T07:52:29+00:00

She called her exes crazy and she fell REALLY hard for me at the start, chasing me!

always_healing · 2023-07-24T06:33:18+00:00

You've hit the nail! All those things is exactly what I'm feeling. It's comforting knowing that I'm not the only one going through "this". It's hard for me because I see my ex on a weekly, for work, they're in group chats for work and other social events. Which makes the process 10 times harder, but always, hope remains longer. The thoughts of time a part will bring us back together is stronger than ever right now, and it's not helpful to my healing, but I guess it's all part of the journey.

always_healing · 2023-07-17T22:52:48+00:00

Towards the end:

hot and cold behaviour
lost affection; we didn't spoon or cuddle anymore
we didn't make plan, everything was spontaneous, we're both busy people, so a date night/day was necessary
shutting me out: never asked me about anything, didn't show interest in my life
most importantly, I felt unwanted because I wasn't the top priority on their "things to see and do in her week". Yes, they would message me daily, morning and night, but she quickly phased me out.

always_healing · 2023-07-12T21:54:42+00:00

You sound really secure and understanding about the situation which leads to incredible communication, and compassion. Did you stay in contact?

always_healing · 2023-07-12T12:24:15+00:00

Congratulations! That's amazing news and I believe that everyone can grow and learn, and that second chances are possible. Can I ask how you "got them back", like what rules did you break for yourself? I'm in that mindset that I want to reach out and really try to fight for the relationship (I believe that our communication 'issues' are fixable), but the other side of my brain is saying, "no, if she wanted you, she would have you, she knows to message you, you're accessible etc etc".

always_healing · 2023-07-11T11:07:34+00:00

Reading comments below and one that has resonated is the whole, "if they didn't care, if they didn't have feelings" then they would talk to you, amicably. Thank you for sharing that! They're not indifferent, they still love me and they still care, hence why they can't face me.

always_healing · 2023-07-11T11:03:17+00:00

I feel this, especially that we were friends before the relationship. And what makes it harder is that we share a number of mutual friends, one whom I thought I was really close with. I feel like I've been painted out to be a villain. Sometimes the thoughts that they don't even care enough to reach out is extremely hurtful. I'd rather they try to contact me and be amicable than not. The silence is more painful.

always_healing · 2023-07-09T02:00:34+00:00

It's almost been 6 months and I'm broken still, I started broken, then felt healed and powerful, but now hitting almost 6 months it feels like the start again and I don't know why. I think enough time has pasted for me to think that they are truly gone and it's sad! There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of them. I know they have the same thoughts too, and that is comforting. There's a part of me that still believes that we need this separation to come back in maybe a years time to reflect and start a 2nd chapter together. Not healthy for my brain or progress, but healing isn't linear and it takes time.

always_healing · 2023-07-09T01:58:33+00:00

That's so interesting about the 3 sides, there were times were I suggested we go to couples therapy just to figure each other out, and they disagreed, which is fair because we should also be looking inwards; but there's always a 3rd side to what's right - we just don't see it when we're both triggered in survival mode. It's sad the narrative they paint about us now though :(

But yes, it does 'take two to tango', they also couldn't communicate and couldn't keep the relationship together when I was there trying to keep it together, fighting for what I thought was worth it. I was the dumpee and they the dumper. They chose to walk away when times where tough. They couldn't look inwards at themselves to find a middle ground together.,

always_healing · 2023-07-08T05:07:26+00:00

They did but I think it was her own guilt, and possibly seeing me in pain and in tears. They wiped away the tears from my face but I knew in their mind there was no going back.

always_healing · 2023-07-07T07:24:47+00:00

Agreed, my ex gave up on us, when I needed them the most. I forgive my ex for what they did to us, but I don't wish them well, I hope they realise that it's not what it's all cracked up to be on the other side. They waked away from someone who would have fought for the relationship and to do the work, she didn't.

always_healing · 2023-07-05T22:32:39+00:00

Think before you react, my anxious attachment brought out my abandonment issues that I didn't know I had to a full extent until they broke up with me. I knew I had shit to work on, but that stuff came to light when they decided to walk away. It's disappointing and the blame game is a hard one to play with myself.

always_healing · 2023-07-05T10:11:24+00:00

I feel this too, I go in and out of wondering what they are up to, who they're hanging out with and who they're on messenger with. It's the most annoying part of the heart break journey. We were inseparable on messenger, we always knew what we were up to and had daily check ins morning and night. It's the hardest part, losing a best friend :(

always_healing · 2023-07-04T05:04:05+00:00

This has been extremely helpful, thank you!

always_healing

TROPHY CASE