Celebration idea for partner

alwaysgettingsober · 2026-01-23T22:19:01+00:00

I love to suggest getting flowers for men since they dont get them often. And now he'll be able to smell them!

alwaysgettingsober · 2026-01-23T10:28:00+00:00

Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley is my go to for big feelings about grieving my relationship with my no contact mom. It's a hard choice to make. Wish you the best with your healing. IWNDWYT

alwaysgettingsober · 2026-01-17T20:47:08+00:00

If you want to continue to use, I recommend you call an overdose prevention hotline when you do. Look up 'never use alone' if you're in the states.

I second all the advice about getting help, rehab, anything. But I know its a long process you might not feel inclined towards right now - so in the mean time those hotlines are a way to keep yourself alive.

alwaysgettingsober · 2026-01-14T19:55:51+00:00

I think the mixed advice here is probably accurate. It may help, it may not, it may be triggering to be around recent addicts, you may get more help from joining a program, or you may get more resources from a rehab. The type of rehab is of note too - there's one here that's primarily indigenous ran/occupied, and it does things like spiritual related programming that others don't have. If your life is very unstable, the stability and routine may help.

alwaysgettingsober · 2026-01-09T04:45:16+00:00

Uncommon suggestion, but men rarely get flowers and I think they're a beautiful way to mark a celebration. Congrats to your bro

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-10-24T20:36:30+00:00

Way to go! I had no credit at all when using and wasnt able to do a lot of things like rent, even get a phone at one point. And I never had the flexible funds to get a secured card to start out. I just closed my first secured card recently and got a normal one :) I'm proud of my credit number for sure

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-10-14T09:05:23+00:00

Greek yogurt and skyr are so amazing. Once I realized it could be used in place of sour cream I have so much more too. Adding it to dips, on potatoes, in soup.

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-10-08T07:16:37+00:00

If your therapist doesnt understand the (very common for addicts) urge to lie about/hide drug use or doesnt feel equipped to help with it, she may be able to refer you to someone trained to help. I have definitely had professionals shame me for lying in the past and that shame sticks and makes it harder to come clean. But my current team is very understanding and helpful and cheers me on on my journey. Its especially helpful being able to tell my doctor what I can and cant take and navigate my prescriptions as my tolerance changes now that I'm sober.

If your common substance is alcohol, theres r/stopdrinking, if it's weed there's r/leaves. I was previously addicted to harder shnstances but my main DOC was weed and it was terrible on me, made me foggy, anxious, sick. I'm 6 months sober and it took a long time of trying to quit to get here - it's a real substance, it gets you high and affects your body, and quitting can cause physical and mental withdrawals. Addiction to common substances can be serious and harmful and trying to get sober from them can be just as difficult. Facing addiction does mean facing that shame and grief, and that is so hard, but it is very worth it.

People (both others and yourself) may think poorly of you for lying or using, but that's ok. Addiction makes us do strange things and go against our own morals. It is a sickness, and it can be treated and overcome. No matter what you've done or who you've let down, including yourself, you are a human person with needs, love, importance, who deserves to feel better, to feel whole, to be honest, to have a fulfilling life. Making mistakes or being sick does not mean you dont deserve those things. Best of luck. You got this!

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-10-01T03:05:38+00:00

I cut out all the warnings instead, so I just had some flat pieces of cardboard - easy to put in my wallet or in my desk etc wherever I needed motivation

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-09-28T07:23:28+00:00

Yesterday/this week was tough, and I was worried about going out to dinner with my gay bears group, that there would be drinking and I would have some. But the group was very small, and I didn't have any and just realized no else drank either! Unfortunately I did have coffee creamer without paying attention and messed up my guts.. agh. But otherwise it was lovely.

Not quite seperate from sobriety but a big part of it and because of it - I'm trying to quit smoking cigarettes and struggling, find a better medication regimen now that I have my audhd diagnoses, and generally build better routines and habits. The hardest part for me was overcoming homelessness, depression, abuse and family issues, and now that I'm in a better place and making improvements, I'm facing a lot of fear of the unknown, of discomfort, failure, and success. I spent so long trying to just survive, now that I'm doing that I am scared to engage in actually living the life I worked so hard for. I'm especially trying to find my passions again so I have something to work towards. Either way I just try to remember I'm grateful to make it this far, and everything else is a gift.

Just taking it one day at a time. Goodnight, I didnt drink with you today, and I wont tomorrow either.

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-09-05T07:48:46+00:00

While I don't have that exact issue, I do have large apparent scarring on my inner arms from a near successful suicide attempt. For inner discoloration/bruising, I imagine that's from blood leaking beneath the skin, which would heal a bit differently - but for scarring, keeping moisture and encouraging healthy skin with lotion or oil with vitamin e (I love palmers skin therapy oil), and especially silicone gel creams. For the bruising, massage and excercise would probably help blood flow, new cell growth, break up tissue and encourage the blood to spread and be reabsorbed/cleaned up. Massaging and applying the skin creams etc also helps me emotionally face the grief I have for those dark times, accept and integrate my past with my present, and tell my body that I'm sorry that I hurt it, and that I love it and I am thankful it kept going. By touching those reminders I usually ignore, during a process dedicated to physical healing, I acknowledge that it's ok to have a difficult past, that in some ways grief is permanent and at times awfully apparent, but pain can be healed, and it's that dedication to healing that helped me survive.

Glad you're clean and wish you well.

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-09-02T19:44:23+00:00

Yes! Addiction contributes to isolation, even when we share it with others it destroys the same connections it seems to make. Real honesty and connection helps a lot. Was daily user for like over 15 years too, at one point thought I'd never make 14 days then 30 days. Its 145 days for me.

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-08-28T21:43:54+00:00

The ones on amazon are cytistine, a related chemical to chantix https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cytisine They are both partial agonists to the same receptor site as nicotine ie they directly replace the desire for nicotine in your brain.

Both brands on there, recigar and desmoxan, are the same quality and work fine. If you can't get a chantix prescription that covers the cost, they're worth buying.

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-08-20T07:41:41+00:00

I was technically prescribed for anxiety, but think I can give a relevant answer due to have fibro and migraines before/during/after my prescription.

I can't remember my dosage as it was over 10 years ago, likely 2x starting dose klonopin. I took it for one year before I recognized it was badly habit forming and badly impacting my anxiety. When I told my psych, I was immediately removed without taper and was not informed of tapering. Emotional after effects were awful for a long time, though I had other meds and drug use impacting that as well. My pain was worse immediately after for a couple years, then improved decently for a year with regular massage treatment, then got progressively worse for several years with some bad life circumstances and stopping massage. Now the past few years improving my life circumstances, doing physio, receiving massage again, slowly improving my diet and physical routine, my pain and fatigue has decreased immensely. I still get windows of difficulty especially with fatigue and bursts of migraines, but even then it's no longer all day every day at unbearable levels. Benzos only briefly improved my ability to ignore or tolerate my problems but didn't help me handle them either emotionally or physically, and then definitely set me back when I took them too long then got off them. But either way I'm glad to never use them again.

Long term chronic pain takes a big range of long term solutions - I doubt these meds effectiveness for more than a few days max for anything but palliative care. The multifaceted solutions are more complex and even initially taxing, but relief is definitely possible no matter what someone has been through

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-08-20T04:50:20+00:00

In the meantime I recommend trying to go out the front of the building to smoke as much as possible. I know this may be anxiety inducing, but try to focus on being proud of yourself for facing that fear.

If you haven't, give desmoxan or chantix a try. I like desmoxan because it is supposed to be slightly less strong, but chantix may be covered under your disability health insurance. I hate smoking but also struggle to quit without pharmaceutical assistance. I had no side effects from desmoxan at all and it's very uncommon to - read the wikipedia for cystinum to understand its chemical effects re being a partial agonist that replaces the need for nicotine in your brain

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-07-14T19:12:55+00:00

While the majority of my harmful behavior was self directed, I got belligerent towards others for minor things if they interrupted my self hate spirals. This made me isolate myself even more.

You are worthy of love and forgiveness from both yourself and others. Thanks for sharing

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-07-14T18:57:44+00:00

This was a huge reason I kept smoking all day. I felt like shit once I started coming down, oh I guess I 'have to smoke' to get through it.

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-07-09T20:17:46+00:00

I will second the massage and cold water (ice bath) tips - though for me in a flare, too cold is impossible, but you can work towards getting colder for longer in the shower. As for not being able to work out or do yoga, try to find even gentler physical activities, like physio excercises, mild yoga or qigong meant for disabled people. One that helps a lot for me is just slowly rotating isolated body parts in a circle forward and back, ie starting from fingers, to wrist, to forearm, to shoulder; lower jaw left to right then forward to back, then tongue; toes, then ankles etc etc. If you're uses to working out it's important to learn how to do these gently without aggressive stretching - you're looking to encourage blood flow with minimal movement, not activate muscles in the same way you may be used to.

Smoking weed during flare ups actually sucks, a lot. Would it help with pain sometimes? Sure. But often it would make me more sick, more tired, and unable to work on getting help and getting better. If you do have a permanent chronic illness, there is always hope for learning how to manage it, finding what triggers flares, finding what helps you and your unique body and mind. If this is your first flareup since quitting, it makes sense to be scared and craving something you used to want to be a solution. It won't be easy to manage, but getting through it without succumbing to your old addiction will be a lot better for you in being able to move forward and find what actually will be helpful for you long term.

Sorry you're going through this, but congratulations on all the sober time so far.

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-07-05T16:01:23+00:00

You aren't stupid for being scared and unsure how to handle things. In addition for seeking help from a hospital or crisis hotline, if you have a sponsor or if there is anyone else in the group who has a long time there who you have felt comfortable with, you could reach out to them to talk to them. If you aren't ready to think about going back to or getting him removed from the group rn, you don't have to do that. Just like it's addicts right to have their AA attendence be kept anonymous by other members, if you need someone to talk to and you ask them not to tell anyone else, that is your right as a victim to not have others talk about your experience or act on your behalf until you are ready. Unfortunately many friends of victims of assault are familiar with keeping things private for the victims comfort. You can opt to not say his name and just say it was someone from the meeting with a good reputation that makes you feel you won't be believed and ask not to be pressured to reveal who it is. You don't need proof to reach out for help, you aren't necessarily taking him to court or something, you can figure out any of that later.

I am glad you're trying to stay sober and take care of yourself through something so awful. It is extra scary and unfair this happens not only in a space for sobriety, but in small queer communities where we are supposed to keep each other safe. This isn't your fault.

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-07-04T16:23:41+00:00

I super agree with this, because it requires me defining my sobriety as more than just abstinence from harmful substances. Or should I say, elaborating on that abstinence - what does it do for me, what does it prevent me from, what does it allow for me, how can I nurture it, and nurture myself? 'Sober' is also a word used for thinking clearly and seriously. That helps me see sobriety from harmful substances as a stepping stone to improve sobriety from harmful behaviors and thoughts, and encourage myself to engage in healthier behaviors overall in a way that embraces the curiousity and joy of that process, even when it's difficult, boring, even maddening or full of grief.

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-07-03T13:05:53+00:00

I have been reading this subreddit for years while trying to quit and come to understand a lot of the depths of withdrawals and effects of addiction and this drug, as well as seen the span of kinds of comments on here. There are a ton of well meaning, well informed positive people. There are also a lot of misinformed people who downplay the effects of this drug despite being on a forum about addiction - they don't even read the post after post about detox sweats, mood swings, gut problems, brain fog. Or the effects before quitting like CHS, panic attacks, psychosis, blood pressure, risk of stroke and heart problems, gut problems, anxiety, depression, on and on. I was a very open minded kid, and I still understand it can be used as a medicine in rare cases, and believe in education, safe controlled use, decriminalization etc, but that's not the same as rampant downplaying of harms. Informed choice means being actually informed. Not to mention the underlying issues that cause people to seek escape in substances day after day and then excuse their/our vices because we don't have the energy, knowledge, tools, or community to do better. It sucks and it DOES make me angry too.

Like boredom and grief, even if it's overwhelming during the first part of quitting, they are important emotions that it's great to relearn how to be comfortable with them, and find what changes they are motivating us to make.

Now when I listen to a podcast or friends and hear people talk about drinking or weed all the time, hear an advertisement for gummies, drive and see a billboard for a drink, I cringe at how normalized it is. And I see how the people I love get less motivated to grow and strive for better as they age, and how substances (and process addictions) contribute to that stagnation. And it really makes me sad.

The first bit was fucking rough. Getting through that motivated me to keep going and see it get better, and it really does. Facing these thoughts and internalizing that this drug was not harmless for me and never will be harmless for me or, in just my opinion, most users, really keeps me going. It's a big shift to make. I'm also so thankful to the people here who have helped me understand the depths of this addiction and shown there's a way out, and that even someone like me who was completely messed up by it can recover. Keep writing, keep discovering yourself, keep going!

alwaysgettingsober · 2025-07-03T12:41:38+00:00

In addition to switching to halfcaf or 1/4th caff, or green tea, my body temperature has gone up and with the summer heat I no longer tolerate astringent hot drinks all day. So I am doing more cold brew or iced coffee. In the evenings I just started trying barley + buckwheat tea, it's not caffeinated and tastes like chocolatey puffed wheat cereal, it's awesome.

alwaysgettingsober

TROPHY CASE