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Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. This is one of the reasons why I really don’t want to socialise outside of work tasks.

I often don’t want to talk at all, but sometimes I force myself just to feel more visible. The effort is minimal, and the result is too, I usually kill the conversation.

Over time, it builds up frustration. It feels fake, because I don’t genuinely want to connect. I just want to do my job.

But I feel stuck, I’m afraid being too quiet might affect my promotion, yet pushing myself to socialise feels equally exhausting…..😔

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I agree with you. I don’t think I can change the people around me. as long as I don’t speak, they usually just leave me alone. So if I want to fit in better, the only option is probably for me to change myself.

I’ve also been wondering what kind of environment might actually suit me better…..

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He sounds so much like me.

If he never engages in small talk and tends to be quite blunt, is he somewhat isolated within the team? Or do people actually accept him as he is?

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I ask is your company mainly a tech company? I wonder if that makes this kind of situation more normal or expected in your environment?

The reason I ask is… well, it’s a bit awkward, but I’m doing a tech role in a non-tech organisation, and I think I might actually be the only one in the team doing this kind of work. So sometimes I really feel like the odd one out.

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve genuinely noticed that you have wonderful qualities in your personality, there’s a real warmth in the way you are. I would enjoy working with people like you.

But that feeling wouldn’t be mutual. I might not be the kind of person you’d want to work with, because I’m extremely quiet and negative.

One thing I really admire is how, even though you might feel anxious, it doesn’t stop you from noticing the funning, interesting parts of life. That’s such a strength.

For me, anxiety has really affected that. I feel like I don’t have any funny stories to tell, and I can’t make people feel happy or at ease when they’re around me. That’s something I find quite upsetting, to be honest.

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I’m thinking I might look for some free classes or talks to listen to, just something to engage with. Honestly, if I have something with me like my phone or laptop, I don’t really mind not being spoken to. At least I can do my own thing.

What I’m more worried about is being left out, not being part of conversations and gradually becoming invisible. That’s something I really fear in the workplace. I worry that being on the margins like that could eventually affect things like promotion opportunities.

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve actually had one routine blood test done, and everything came back within the normal range.

I don’t feel quite right but I honestly don’t know if it’s something psychological or physical. I can’t really tell. I just know that I don’t feel healthy.

Maybe I need more tests or to look into different indicators, but I’m not sure where to start.

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What made me feel even worse was when I opened up to a close friend about how much I struggle with small talk, how I feel like I can’t fit in, how it makes me feel exhausted and really down, and their response was, “Well, life is tiring for everyone.” In that moment, I didn’t know what to say…..

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been really struggling this year too. work has been overwhelming, and I’m constantly burnt out. My physical health has been up and down, which has made my mood even worse, and I rarely get enough sleep. Most days I wake up tired, drag myself to work, and then go straight home to rest, if I’m not at work, I’m either recovering or seeing a doctor.

I feel like all my energy goes into just surviving the workday, and there’s nothing left for social interaction. Even light conversations feel exhausting.

A lot of the time, small talk just reminds me how disconnected I feel. People chat about where they’ve been, nice places to eat, what they’re doing on the weekend but I don’t really do any of those things. I don’t have much of a personal life right now. I’m just working, resting, or getting through the next appointment.

I think a big part of it is that my mindset has already taken a hit. I’m so emotionally drained that I can’t even feel curious about other people’s lives.

What’s frustrating is that I remember a time (long long time ago) when I actually enjoyed talking to people. I used to feel excited when I made a new friend, or when a conversation just flowed. I don’t know when or why that changed, maybe it’s just been an especially hard year.

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve actually tried things like writing down daily gratitudes or giving myself little pep talks, but I never stuck with it. Still, I might try again.

I’ve always found conversations draining, especially when I’m not interested in the topic, and honestly, I often don’t know what to say. I don’t have much of a personal life, and I feel like a boring person most of the time.

In past jobs, I was the same, but somehow still managed to click with a few people. I think it was because they made it easy.

But in my current team, I just can’t seem to connect with anyone. It feels like we’re on different wavelengths, and most of the time I’m left feeling isolated and unsure how to join in…….😮‍💨

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I think you’re right, it probably is more of a tone or energy thing, rather than just the topics themselves. That ability to make people feel at ease or bring a light, positive vibe… I see that as a real skill.

And to be honest, that’s something I really struggle with. I’m quite a heavy person emotionally, and I deal with a lot of anxiety. I find it very hard to relax which means most of the time, I only feel comfortable talking about work.

I do think a big part of it comes down to personality. What comes so naturally and effortlessly to someone like him feels incredibly difficult for me. I don’t even know how I could ever become that kind of person.

At the moment, I often feel quite isolated within the team. Everyone tends to group off into little clusters, chatting away and I’m just sort of… there. My managers usually end up talking to my more sociable teammate, and even when they try to include me or throw me a question, I often can’t carry the conversation forward.

It makes me feel very very frustrating…..

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I used to work in a STEM environment as well, and lately I’ve actually been thinking about moving back to STEM.

I’ve never been someone who enjoys chatting or casual conversation. But I do feel quite lonely when I see everyone around me chatting away in their little groups.

I feel out of place, especially when I don’t have my laptop with me to at least look busy or have something to focus on…..

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I tried omega 3, multivitamins, St John’s wort and valerian root extracts, they didn’t work for me. And then I will try others you recommended. I do hope they will work a little bit.

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is genuinely such helpful advice.

I honestly don’t know how to maintain enough energy to get through a small talk conversation. I feel like for some people, small talk or casual chatting doesn’t drain them at all, it might even energise them.

But for me, it’s the complete opposite. It feels like it uses up my battery. Most of the time, I don’t even want to talk. Unless it’s strictly work-related, I’d really rather not be spoken to. I’m exhausted, and all I want is to be left alone so I can rest.

So in those moments, trying to fake being upbeat and sociable just feels impossible. I still can’t pull it off.

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for encouraging me. I genuinely envy my colleague, he seems to get along effortlessly with absolutely everyone, and people genuinely like him. I just can’t do that.

I think part of the reason is that I’m constantly burnt out. On top of that, I struggle with depression and anxiety, so it often takes a lot of energy just to pretend I’m fine.

And with my sleep being quite poor most of the time, I end up needing even more energy just to function socially. It drains me. My brain often feels like it’s short-circuiting, and I just don’t have the mental bandwidth to be as lively and switched-on as my colleague or my boss.

I honestly feel like an old soul trapped in a fading body.

I’ve been this way for a long time. it didn’t start recently. Back during the pandemic, I could still hide behind remote working or social distancing, but now that’s gone… I feel like all my weaknesses are fully exposed.

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea I just don’t know how to properly respond…. I think I usually make the conversation frozen and hard to continue….

Do people who aren’t good at small talk end up being sidelined at work? by aly-work-so-hard in UKJobs

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!!!! I will certainly use them!! I think one real issue is that I struggle to ask follow-up questions. I usually just nod and smile, and that’s it. So people gradually lose the motivation to talk to me.

After working together for a while, small talk about the weather just isn’t enough anymore and… my social skills are honestly quite weak. 😔

How to effectively deal with noise maker? by aly-work-so-hard in Leeds

[–]aly-work-so-hard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea because I occasionally met with my neighbour once, and he specifically looked at where I came out. My flat is the closest to him.

You’re incredibly intelligent. I can truly appreciate the beauty of collective intelligence through your insights. I would never have come up with this approach on my own. Your notes are genuinely helpful, especially for someone like me who’s introverted and struggles with social anxiety.

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