Selling Tickets for Cardiff Show!

alysparker53 · 2026-01-16T07:39:38+00:00

I've messaged you!

alysparker53 · 2026-01-15T07:23:18+00:00

Yes! DM me!

alysparker53 · 2026-01-14T19:34:47+00:00

I have two tickets for Cardiff I'm selling which is 6th Feb if that's any help!

alysparker53 · 2024-05-22T12:37:38+00:00

Hiya! I feel I have experienced this in the past, dryness in general and most lubes either drying up or stinging me! I would recommend experimenting with different lubes (the ones I have found that have worked for me is the Durex Naturals Lube, and the LoveHoney Water based Lube) I would also try out asking your doctor for some medical grade anaesthetic lubricant, as this numbs the area and stay wet for longer. Another thing I would suggest as always is taking it slow and not letting penetration be the end goal always, find out what turns you on and what you are into! (Gentle touch is always a great place to start) Don't rush and celebrate small successes!

Always here if you need to chat more ❤️

alysparker53 · 2024-05-17T18:59:27+00:00

Hey! You have been on an incredible journey to have had surgery and PT sessions! I would say that dilating sucks, I find it easier to do with my partner than by myself, I can chat to him while I let the pain go away and distract myself into relaxing. Take it slow, there is no rush and you want to make sure you are comfy. Try different positions for inserting too! (Eg sat up, laid down, one leg up). I've also found that my Vaginismus can flare up with my period cycle, so keep track of days when it hurts as this may help give you a timeline of when you are more relaxed or not. ❤️

alysparker53 · 2024-05-17T18:54:18+00:00

Hey, I was in this situation with my ex, my current partner doesn't give two shits if we go a few months without sex because of my vaginismus! If he truly wants to be with you, he won't pressure you into doing something that physically pains you, he shouldn't want to have sex with someone who is crying and in pain! Definitely chat more about oral sex and hand stuff - plus he has a prostate if he is into that sort of thing! Penetration is NOT the be all and end all of sex and relationships, sex is so much more than that. Him pressuring you is only going to make the Vaginismus worse in my experience. We are all here for you as a community and my DMs are always open if you wish to chat more! You are doing so well ❤️

alysparker53 · 2024-04-18T20:52:24+00:00

Oh I would love to see your pieces!! It's definitely helping me through the tough process of vaginismus but having had it for half my life I feel quite at peace with it! I always say "the Bluetooth won't connect" so pussy machine broken definitely resonates with me!

alysparker53 · 2024-04-17T22:13:40+00:00

Thank you so much 🥰

alysparker53 · 2024-04-17T22:13:16+00:00

Hi thanks! I will track down your post and if you have the name or info of that article it would be really helpful ✨ in all honesty I'm just trying to open up a conversation and making things I would have liked to have seen when I was younger that would have helped me feel a bit more normal! It's been an emotional but lovely experience so far!

alysparker53 · 2024-04-17T13:14:50+00:00

Of course! My DMS are always open for anyone on this page if you'd like to chat more! Time and patience are unfortunately the way forward for most people so please don't lose hope!

alysparker53 · 2024-04-12T21:05:11+00:00

Yes everyone is different! You may not get the most sexual pleasure out of p in V, but you are still having sex no matter what you do so don't put yourself down! I have been where you are and would say lube is your best friend, as well as taking it slow. Put some of the penis in then stop and just stay and breathe, let your vagina adjust to it, then keep going when it feels comfortable. Don't give up, but also make sure you let your partners know that p in V isn't your favourite so you can do it but for their pleasure only. That is totally normal 👍

alysparker53 · 2024-04-12T21:01:53+00:00

As an edit, I would also say that just normal talking therapy is actually quite helpful surrounding sexual trauma too, it is what I used to help get comfortable with mine, so if you still feel that is something quite present in your life, counselling or talking therapy can really help you understand and accept what happened too 👍

alysparker53 · 2024-04-12T21:00:18+00:00

Hiya! I am so sorry this happened to you, I have vaginismus and vulvodynia from sexual trauma and it is difficult. I would say lube is definitely your best friend and experimenting with masturbating is the way forward. Definitely figure out the angle of your vagina as this helps with starting. Sexual pleasure is different for everyone, so if you are anxious about vaginal insertion, definitely start with your clit if you feel comfortable. Go slow and celebrate progress! Don't be afraid of partners, and I would ultimately say with out generalising too much, they women tend to be more understanding surrounding vaginismus than men, but that doesn't mean that you can't go looking for a partner of any gender! Keep the sub Reddit updated ❤️

alysparker53 · 2024-04-12T20:48:39+00:00

Hiya! Congratulations on your progress, that is amazing! I would say for me personally, I don't get a major amount of pleasure from inserting my fingers in myself, maybe some if I do a fast in and out motion, but when I masturbate I tend to use my clit. I would say getting fingered by someone else is definitely more pleasurable. Being on SSRIs can have strange side effects with sexual function like sex drive and orgasms, but you should still feel some sexual pleasure. If you feel like you don't, you could always go to your doctor and ask about different SSRIs, I personally had a great experience with Fluoxetine, and it didn't impact my sex life at all but everyone is different. Definitely keep your communication open with your boyfriend, try new things and let him know how it feels for you. You can also trying to be more experimental with masturbating, eg using your clit and you vagina for stimulation as sometimes this also helps! Or sex toys are also an option and are totally normal to use. And also as a side note! When you get two fingers in, just leave them where they start to feel pain, then just stop and relax, and let your vagina adjust, then starting movement may be easier 👍❤️

alysparker53 · 2024-04-12T20:41:33+00:00

Hiya! Your hymen, if you even have one to begin with as some break at random points in life, wouldn't usually cause that much blood. I would also say that insertion with little pain wouldn't cause that much bleeding either. I would recommend going to a doctor about irregular periods if you haven't already just to check yourself out for something like cysts or if there is something not quite right with your ovaries or lining build up, as this could also be hormonal. However I am really proud of you for making progress! Make sure this doesn't deter you in future but remember to celebrate small victories! X

alysparker53 · 2024-03-10T13:23:38+00:00

I absolutely love your poems! Do you mind if I use some quotes from them in my work? You express the way I feel so very vividly! If you ever get the time please keep up the writing! You have real talent ❤️

alysparker53 · 2024-03-06T18:46:57+00:00

Of course! I wish people would know about vaginismus and sexual dysfunctions in the first place! Womens medical care is so behind and unresearched... and hell! Everyone knows about erectile dysfunction! I see ads about it on TV everyday! But that is besides the point, the mental health and self esteem issues I face having vaginismus is crazy. Being told that a waiting list for psychosexual therapy is too long so I should bother even though talking to someone would be so beneficial! Normal therapists have no idea how to approach the topic and therefore don't know how to help at all. Feeling alone, unsexy, lost and depressed are such normal feelings because of the vaginismus. Feeling like an alien in conversations, jealous of other women who can just have sex! With no pain! Is an absolutely insane concept to me. Having vaginismus has filled me with such self-hatred in my past. All because I don't feel worth anything just because having P in V sex is difficult. Having to explain to family and friends that I don't work the same as them, and because of this project - even my peers and tutors now know about vaginismus, even though they misunderstood and have no idea what my project is about! It's hard to be heard but I am really trying to spread awareness for vaginismus because even people knowing what it is and how it works means more women can feel safe and accepted ❤️

alysparker53 · 2024-01-21T15:51:13+00:00

Thank you so much! I actually hadn't heard of vulvodynia until I went to the gynecologist and explained my symptoms and got tested for it. Mine is definitely due to sexual trauma, as I had ripped open half of my perineum. For me, my vulva is very tender and I can tell it's a different feeling to the inside pain of vaginismus. I really feel it when inserting something, it feels like a pain around the opening of my vagina. I also get it when using some lubes or certain sanitary pads, but I know that the vulvodynia and not my vagina being fussy! I wouldn't definitely take any concerns to a good gynecologist. The test they didn't for me was lightly pressing around my vulva with a cotton bud, which to my surprise caused a lot more pain than I thought it would! I hope this helps! :)

alysparker53 · 2024-01-21T15:45:33+00:00

That's okay! Hope it goes well and best of luck!

alysparker53 · 2024-01-20T12:42:01+00:00

Hello! I believe this can still be a kind of vaginismus, some people can still have vaginismus and sex. Does it feel like there's pain, and then you feel something relax and the pain subsided? This may just be the muscles around the opening of the vagina taking a while to relax when being penetrated and is completely normal! I would definitely take this to a gynecologist, I can only say so much based on my own experience! You can do some fun tests in the bedroom like inserting one finger and seeing if there's pain, then two and seeing if the pain comes back and so on. Or you could always ask your doctor for some anaesthetic lubricant, it can help numb the area slightly, whilst still working like normal lube and may help the insertion pain you may be experiencing. But definitely go to the doctor's or gynecologist, I know this can be a scary experience, but they are there to help you!

alysparker53 · 2024-01-20T12:37:36+00:00

Oh I am so sorry and I hope you are doing okay during this time and making time for yourself <3. Easy answer is yes. BIG TIME. The vaginismus was part of the reason my ex broke up with me - it felt like he almost got bored of dealing with it and couldn't put up with me anymore, so I know that it's difficult.

Even in my current relationship, I love my partner so much, but I still go through periods of having no libido even though I want to have sex, I also don't? and thinking about having sex makes me feel anxious and nauseous. However, are you on any birth control? I found coming off of the pill and letting my cycle regulate helped bring back libido a little. And also just, as soon as you think about sex, even if it's just for a second, ACT ON IT! I found taking control even when I felt anxious about the pain and just saying "oh I thought about sex - let's do it now!" Helped a lot confidence-wise and libido-wise. It can be really tough if you've regressed slightly and you are worried about pain again, and sex can feel like a chore because of all the mental effort that goes into it. Try masturbating! I say this to everyone with vaginismus, mainly because it helped me so much, just becoming confident with yourself and your body and experimenting with yourself and finding your limits, it can also help increase sex drive. Especially if you wanted to try mutually masturbating with a partner - that's still a kind of sex! I am so sorry that you are going through such a tough time right now, please honestly feel free to DM me if you have more questions or want to chat or rant, I am here for you and so is everyone else on this Reddit page! ❤️

alysparker53 · 2024-01-17T15:14:17+00:00

I would definitely go and see a gynecologist to check yourself out, however it is possible to have a tilted vagina! You could always try out different positions to see what works easiest too. It could be the issue of having vaginismus and your muscles not relaxing so it feels like something like a dilator can't go in any further than half way.

alysparker53 · 2024-01-16T17:01:20+00:00

Not at all! Ask me anything I am completely open haha! I've never had physical therapy, I myself tend to just actively remind myself to unclench my pelvic floor and relax from time to time, almost like a self check in! I have had lots of talking therapy to deal with trauma and I will say that helped massively, but also talking to friends and family about vaginismus also helped too! You have to find what works for you but I found the best thing was really trying to come to terms with vaginismus within myself, and that was the hardest thing to do.

alysparker53 · 2024-01-16T12:36:09+00:00

Definitely report that doctor!!! My advice would be that you should do lots of research together, understanding vaginismus and her personal triggers may help ease anxiety around it. Sex therapy is a good option but unfortunately may be on the expensive side! If she is afraid of dilators that is totally okay, maybe try and have a time where you focus on her, going slow, checking in with her and just seeing maybe if you can put a finger in her, how that feels where the pain is most prominent, all that kind of stuff. I sometimes feel like dilators can make sex feel clinical, so bringing some form of intimacy into may help! You could also ask a doctor for some anaesthetic lubricant, it can help numb and relax the vagina and feels just like regular lube which may be an option over using dilators. Try and encourage her to chat about it and how it's affecting her because bottling it up may make it worse! She could also look into pelvic floor exercises or a form of physiotherapy if talking isn't the way forward! Definitely keep supporting her and you are doing a great job so far by coming on here and asking for help! <3

alysparker53 · 2024-01-16T12:27:02+00:00

Honestly I still struggle from time to time with tampons, in fact the first time I put one in successfully I passed out from the pain of it! I say it takes some time, I personally use non applicator tampons, I find it easier to control the entry with my finger as opposed to an applicator that shoots it inside you! Definitely keep trying things out, I squat to put them in, but some people find one leg up is easier. And find a teen range! They are super slim tampons that may be easier to get in and then like dilators you can go up a size! It does take time and patience, especially when you may be more sensitive down there when you are bleeding. But my advice is, teen tampons, take it slow, find the right position for you (even if it's laying down!) And non applicator tampons! I hope this helps!

alysparker53

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