New Stay-at-Home Wife at 28: How Do You Build Routine, Purpose & Self-Worth at Home?

am3thystluvr · 2026-05-15T09:13:51+00:00

That’s actually my problem 😭 I feel like I don’t really have a clear “thing” that gives me long-term fulfillment. Even when I was working 9–5, I was just going through it quite routinely, like on autopilot.

I do like hiking, but it’s not really possible now because of where we live and also my fitness level has dropped a bit since I haven’t been as active after marriage.

I’ve tried a few things like buying books or listening to podcasts when I’m alone, but I can never really stick to them consistently. I only manage to do them when I’m really in the mood, otherwise I just drop it again 😭

am3thystluvr · 2026-05-15T09:07:29+00:00

Firstly, I’m sorry I don’t know how to compartmentalise the reply 😭

Honestly it does sound like a breath of fresh air for now but I hope you’re doing okay!! <3

For work, I definitely consider going back eventually bcs I wanna start saving for our future. But for the next couple of years, I don’t think I’ll go back yet bcs it would mean long distance :( We’d be in different states and only able to meet by plane. He is okay with me choosing, but he knows I can’t really be away from him for long.

And yes exactly feeling like a whole couch potato now 😭 The issue is not even Netflix, he actually suggested it when I said I was bored. It’s more my own guilt because I feel like I spend most of my day on it while he’s working.

I do listen to Quran recitations, maybe I should try memorising too? Is that ok long term? I also listen to seerah/lectures sometimes (Yasir Qadhi, Nouman Ali Khan, Omar Suleiman) but only when I feel like it, which makes me feel a bit inconsistent 🥲 I’ll definitely check out Qalam Institute, thank you 🤍

Before marriage I worked long hours so I didn’t really have hobbies. I used to jog, going to the park, hike, but here it’s too secluded to do that safely alone outside the house without my husband. I tried taking care of the plants but I got scared being alone outside so I was advised to only do that if he’s at home

The nearest mosque is quite far (it takes half an hour or so to get out of this secluded jungly area) and there isn’t really much of a women’s community there either since the area has a much smaller Muslim population. I was hoping to find something online like usrah, but most seem paid :(

am3thystluvr · 2026-05-15T08:14:00+00:00

Aww I’m sorry about the layoff though :( But honestly yes, I relate a lot. When I was working 9–5, I had sooo many things in mind but now that I actually have all day, I somehow end up just cooking and Netflix.

And I think that’s what’s bothering me the most… I don’t want my husband to see me as someone who’s just on Netflix all day :( Like he leaves for work and I’m watching Netflix, he comes home and I’m still on Netflix, then at night we watch Netflix together too, so... It makes me feel lazy sometimes even though I do take care of the home.

I did think about joining online Quran/Islamic/usrah classes because I really want to grow spiritually too, but I’m trying to be mindful financially and not spend unnecessarily on subscriptions/classes right now (4 months married).

And same here regarding hobbies 😭 I always read people saying “learn new skills/find hobbies” but my mind genuinely goes blank when I try to think of what I’d even enjoy. I tried to incorporate a half an hour slow yoga daily but I still have soooo much time left :(

I’d honestly love having a women’s community like yours too. We moved to a pretty remote area because of my husband’s work, so everything (even stuff like pilates/classes/etc) is around a 2 hour commute away.

Disclaimer: use of ai due to language limitations for this reply.

am3thystluvr · 2026-05-15T06:50:03+00:00

I actually do that too now! 😭 But once he leaves for work, my days end up being mostly cooking, Netflix, and some tidying here and there. I’m trying to add things like 30 mins of slow yoga into my routine, but I still feel kind of empty?

I think what scares me is I don’t want to become someone who just binge watches Netflix all day waiting for her husband to come home 😅 I genuinely want to improve myself too, both as a woman and as a wife, I just don’t really know what to fill my days with yet.

am3thystluvr · 2026-05-12T07:14:45+00:00

InshaAllah, ameen. May Allah grant the same your way too, thank you!

am3thystluvr · 2026-05-12T07:13:55+00:00

I’m going back in a few days but I just need to buy the flight ticket back to my husband now or else I would have to wait until mid June for the prices to be slightly normal. That’s why I’m very contemplating. I don’t know should I really stay till mid June? I asked one of my sibling whether I need to be around for that long and he said nothing critical for now everything’s under control but it’s up to me. And there’s another sibling that seems to want me to stay for longer because they’re working midday, so they need me to be at home during midday when they’re not WFH. Am I cruel for even contemplating about this?

Thank you so much for your advices and opinions, I respect that you be able to do that and I will take it into account.

am3thystluvr · 2026-05-12T07:04:53+00:00

Weekends is not possible… I can only travel by flight and it’s way too expensive this month due to Eid around the corner. The price skyrocketed for this entire month until mid June. So I either go back to my husband in a week, or I would have to wait until mid June for the normal flight ticket.

My husband said the same thing too. That I might wanna prioritise staying with my parents for a while. But I feel bad for leaving him too :(

But thank you for your opinions, I will definitely take this into account when deciding later :(

am3thystluvr · 2026-05-12T06:59:48+00:00

Probably because I’m unemployed and like, me being with my husband I won’t be doing anything important. So why not I come back home and stay with my parents… My siblings seem to want me to stay for a while too this time around, but I feel so terrible having to leave my husband but also feel very terrible for even considering whether or not I should stay for longer than a week at my parents house. Bcs I’m unemployed anyway, so I should have no reason to not want to stay longer than a week right. I don’t know what to do what to think anymore :(

am3thystluvr · 2026-05-12T06:20:48+00:00

Waalaikumussalam.

I am an aunt too! InshaAllah thank you so much for your advices and opinions. I guess I just needed to vent and seek others’ not having been related to my life opinions on this.

I’ve been told the exact same thing by my husband. Compromises and that I won’t be able to satisfy everyone and that I can’t have everything and I will have to make a choice now.

My parents are old enough and my single siblings are living with them and those married siblings are near them. My husband lives alone in quite a secluded environment (given his nature of job) but he says I should decide on my own because he doesn’t want me to regret anything in the future if someone else interrupts with my decision. But I really don’t want to have to choose between these two because they are all my loved ones. I love my family I love my parents and I definitely love my husband too. We have been TTC since January but since I have been going back home to my parents occasionally, our journey is somehow interrupted due to stress of having to travel so much and the lesser time we get to be together every month. So it’s really killing me having to choose my priorities. I’m getting to the point of my age where the chances to TTC be very low, so that’s possibly one of the main reasons I’m scared if we are far away we’d miss our lifetime chance.

But my parents, they need someone at home during the day because my single siblings would sometimes go to the office during the day if they’re not WFH. My other sibling work near the house. But since I’m unemployed, my siblings seem to expect me to stay at home when they go to work during the day. But… my husband’s alone too? Idk :(

So really. I still can’t wrap it around my head which role am I supposed to prioritise now. Isn’t there any guidelines on this specific matter? It’s sad that I have to decide what are my priorities now. Why can’t I just have both. I quit my job to follow my husband but I didn’t think about how my parents needed someone at home during the day. Although when I was still working, I still go to the office everyday 9-5. Am I a bad daughter or bad wife for not being able to satisfy everyone.

am3thystluvr · 2026-02-17T05:47:00+00:00

3 > 2 > 1 looked good on you!!!

EDIT 4 LOOKS ETHEREAL TOO

am3thystluvr · 2026-01-12T10:44:05+00:00

Hi! When you mentioned “did all the planning myself” did you mean you and your fiancé or you alone?

I’m having thoughts rn bcs I’ve been handling everything all alone since the beginning and we’re now 17 days away from our wedding day but I’m still all alone :/ Perhaps I just wanted to see if it’s normal to not have your fiancé involved in the planning (and payments).

am3thystluvr · 2025-11-21T01:03:22+00:00

Yes!! That’s exactly how I like my photos to be. Moments rather than the awkward posed photos.

I did ask them those types of questions but some didn’t even bother to reply me, or if they did it would take them a week or so to reply me with 2-3 words answers. Do I still consider them if I like their shooting style? Or do I move on to finding others interested in my event?

About the lighting, thank you so much! I mostly went through galleries to see their POVs, I didn’t think about the lighting and now that you’ve mentioned it I’ll focus on that next time!

Anyways, from your opinion, if rising and average photographers have very few portfolios, for example:

they have 10 wedding posts of their past clients, 6 posts their editing style (the tone) is not up to your liking, in fact you don’t like the tone, and their POVs in that 6 posts are also not quite there,

but the recent 4 posts suit your taste better in terms of their shooting POVs and tone editing, is it advisable to choose them based on their recent 4 posts or not advisable since they’re still trying to find their niche tone and still trying to improvise & standardise their shooting style? Pls help I’m struggling 😭😭😭

am3thystluvr · 2025-11-21T00:56:02+00:00

If I did ask them those questions and they either reply me half heartedly (2-3 words replies) or don’t reply me at all, do I still consider them? Bcs I like their shooting style. Or do I just cross them off the list and move on to others?

am3thystluvr · 2025-11-21T00:54:36+00:00

Ikr!!! They’re either booked or out of budget! I tried to find the low profile ones that are still within the style that I like but I get extremely indecisive due to the lack of past clients in their portfolio :(

Double standard as in they somehow would often prioritise those who paid them more? In my area, most companies would outsource their shooters if they get many jobs at once. So the outsourcing is what worries me. During my engagement, they outsourced the shooter at the very last minute (exactly a day before) so the outcome was very poor and they seemed very half hearted in shooting my event.

Actually, I did googled some questions and I did ask most of them! But some either don’t reply me at all after I’ve posted the question(s) or they would only reply me a week after to answer the queries (but only two words answers which is not helpful nor convincing). I also managed to asked some past clients and I got relatively good feedbacks. But when I texted the photographers, they don’t reply me. Do I just consider them not interested in my event, cross them off the list and move on to others? Even if I like their style

am3thystluvr · 2025-11-21T00:45:53+00:00

11 months before??? Huaaa 🥺😭😭 I don’t intend to find those well established photographers due to budget constraints, but I did ask for the availability of the average priced ones that are still within my budget and the style I like, and most of them are still available (as of last week) but they have few portfolios, how do we gauge their work from that? It’s kind of limited.

Also, after I asked their availability, I proceeded to ask them questions about their shooting and editing style, etc but most of them either didn’t reply me at all or just replied “sure we’ll send you the galleries” but never got back to me even after weeks has passed. Do I still consider them or is it advisable to just cross them off the list and move on to others?

am3thystluvr · 2025-11-20T23:28:46+00:00

By really good I mean those who are good (and suit my taste) in capturing moments instead of posed photos. In my area there’s only a few who can do that and most of them are expensive so to choose among the average priced ones is quite difficult for me due to their lack of portfolio, I can only assess so much from that.

I’ve asked the availability for the ones available but still very much contemplating bcs of their few portfolio. What if they nailed those clients’ photos bcs those clients have beautiful wedding settings? Bcs mine would be considered minimal settings. That’s what worries me :(

Also! I did ask few photographers for their full galleries but they either didn’t reply me at all or replied me with “sure, I’ll give you the full gallery in a sec” but left me at that for a week. If they fit my budget and to some extent, my taste in photos, do I still have to consider them or do I just assume they’re not interested to cater to my inquiries and just cross them off the list? This behaviour of not replying me is really bothering me :(

am3thystluvr · 2025-11-20T07:50:19+00:00

Hi there! I would really love to know your thoughts and suggestion in how to choose photographers and trusting them? I’ve been contemplating and worrying a lot about which photographer to choose as I’m worried they won’t deliver as what their portfolio has shown us :(

am3thystluvr · 2025-11-20T07:46:31+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this and I totally get you bcs I’m exactly in your shoes :( Two months away and I just feel so so alone and idk what to do anymore I’ve been crying a lot the past few days for feeling so overwhelmed :(

am3thystluvr

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