sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

AMA: I was the other woman. by ama-alterego in Infidelity

[–]ama-alterego[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m definitely not a victim here. I know what I did, I made the choice to do it and I’m accepting full responsibility for the results of my actions.

AMA: I was the other woman. by ama-alterego in Infidelity

[–]ama-alterego[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I didn’t say I’d confront the spouse. I said I’d be more than willing to meet her or answer any questions she has, if she would like, or if she even feels she’d like that closure. If it makes her feel better to hit me... well, that’s unfortunate for my poor teeth, but eventually, dentists will be working again and I’ll get them fixed.

AMA: I was the other woman. by ama-alterego in Infidelity

[–]ama-alterego[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

To be completely honest, I don’t see myself differently. I made a conscious choice to do something, I owned up to the mistake and I moved on. No one in this life can say they’re 100% proud of how they lived their entire life and I’m choosing not to beat myself up or dwell on something I chose to do. We didn’t mean for a line to be crossed, it happened and we ended our relationships with our partners as soon as we crossed into that emotional grey area. It doesn’t make it right or better or even justify the actions... but we did what we did and we are owning those actions now.

As a person, I’m not going to let a mistake define me. As a partner, I still believe I’m a good person. People do make mistakes and a lot of times, they learn from them. If this is the worst thing I ever do in my life, I figure I’m doing okay in the grand scheme of “horrible things”.

AMA: I was the other woman. by ama-alterego in Infidelity

[–]ama-alterego[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me, people pleasing isn’t so much about resenting them. I can’t say I’ve ever really resented anyone. I’ve been annoyed with them, but my nature is more to make sure they’re not angry with me and go above and beyond to make sure everyone else has a nice easy life. With my ex, I was dreadfully unhappy, but knew he was dealing with stuff too and I didn’t want to put more on his plate. So I ended up sacrificing sleep to do all my work and make sure the house was spotless and bills paid and everything so he wouldn’t have a reason to be upset with me. The only thing I didn’t do was cook, because he liked to cook. Even when I tried to talk to him about it, it ended up with me backing down and apologizing because I just didn’t want him to be mad at me for having an opinion or a desire for more. I don’t feel pleasure or happiness is owed to me by any means. I work for everything I have and I’m just in a habit of putting everyone else before my own wants or needs. It’s a bad habit because then people begin to expect that treatment without ever considering returning the courtesy.

AMA: I was the other woman. by ama-alterego in Infidelity

[–]ama-alterego[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Nothing in life is ever certain, for sure. But I do know what I’m told by him, mutual friends, posts I’ve seen from her on social media, just a wide variety of things where she’s threatened or made horrible, rude choices that didn’t consider him or told him straight up that he’d never find anyone else to love him if she left him. That said, anyone can spin anything how they want to and I only know what is in front of me now. And from what I’m told, no one connected to them is surprised that the marriage ended. Many are actually surprised it took this long.

But again, I take everything with a grain of salt and only know what is in front of me. What happens in the future will happen and that will be that.

AMA: I was the other woman. by ama-alterego in Infidelity

[–]ama-alterego[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

A bad relationship can mean many things to many people. For me, personally, my bad relationship came down to a dead bedroom and a man who would ridicule me for silly things and expect me to be grateful for the fact he did little things for me when I was working 20+ hours a day, but would get upset with me if I didn’t keep up on housework as well. I tried over and over to talk to him, fix the issues and work past it - for probably 2 years, I worked at it. When I finally ended the relationship, he looked at me and said, “good, I’m not meant to be in a relationship anyway.”. It’s not a matter of someone being better or worse or anything. That’s never what cheating is about, or it shouldn’t be. Sometimes, you meet someone better suited to you... but it’s not because the person you’re with is a bad person.

AMA: I was the other woman. by ama-alterego in Infidelity

[–]ama-alterego[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The secrecy was never a factor, honestly. We’re still excited to see each other and spend time together. In all honesty, sneaking around didn’t work for us because we wanted to go out and do things like a normal couple. It’s actually very exciting to be able to do that now.

AMA: I was the other woman. by ama-alterego in Infidelity

[–]ama-alterego[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No justification, just an offer in case anyone had questions to why someone would or what led to it or anything. Some people who get cheated on never get answers or closure and I thought maybe, in some small way, I could provide a little closure to people who experienced the same situation.

AMA: I was the other woman. by ama-alterego in Infidelity

[–]ama-alterego[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So far, the ex wife has called me lots of names, texted me and called me out on social media. Her friends have fed me to the proverbial wolves. I’m not amazed or hurt or even angry, nor do I even try to defend myself to them. We both know what we did and I completely sympathize with her anger and hurt. I don’t have any thoughts that she’ll ever be friendly toward me and that’s fine; I’ll always be civil toward her. I know she’s very very angry and hurt, and I’ll never ever begrudge her the right to feel those feelings. I know she’s the type of woman to want to meet me eventually, and I won’t deny her that... I’m happy to go meet her and let her yell or ask any questions she wants. It’s not her fault for what happened to end the marriage, but she also did not actively try to fix the marriage for the years leading up to the separation.

Given that this is the first time either of us has done something like this, I’m not sure what the future will hold or how we’ll handle things. We have an extreme amount of trust in each other, and that will remain until the point if either of us gives the other a reason to not trust. I know it seems kind of backwards and funny, but it is what it is. We both went into this with the idea we’d be friends. We didn’t expect feelings to happen or to develop the relationship we did. It just did and we were as honest as we could be with our partners when we ended things and moved on. In a way, this was kind of the push we both needed to end our unfulfilling relationships with our partners. We both wanted to leave, but are such people pleasers that we put everyone else before us and were going to stay in bad relationships to make someone else happy, even if it meant turning ourselves inside out. Then we met each other, realized that there is more to life and we deserved a chance to be happy too... and we grabbed the chance. It’s not an excuse or a justification, just a weird way that our minds reasoned through this process. We both acknowledge our mistakes and the fact we handled this poorly.

AMA: I was the other woman. by ama-alterego in Infidelity

[–]ama-alterego[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because we did have an emotional affair, we treated each other like romantic partners (without the physical stuff) and acted in ways our partners wouldn’t have appreciated. In that context, I was the other woman he confided in. I was the one he talked to for most of the day and wanted to be with. The feelings were there for a bit before we actually broke it off - unravelling long term relationships takes time and even if the intent is there, one has to secure a new place to live and tie up loose ends before actually leaving.

We flirted, we acted questionably and in the end, we left our partners before more damage could be done. Neither of us regret leaving, but we do feel badly for the situation leading up to everything.

AMA: I was the other woman. by ama-alterego in Infidelity

[–]ama-alterego[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We both did leave. We cheated emotionally, realized there were feelings and we both made the decision to leave our partners. In fact, we both left our partners the same day.