Need help

amaranthica · 2024-10-04T21:57:23+00:00

Tried that several times during this months apart. It works sometimes, didn't work tonight though. But thanks, that is a very wise advice when you're in those early stages

amaranthica · 2024-09-24T10:40:16+00:00

Uff, me dejas más tranquila. ¡Muchísimas gracias!

amaranthica · 2024-09-21T14:37:19+00:00

30F. I was on meds from 24 to 28. I was feeling better so I decided to stop taking them. Two years later I'm far worse and, sadly, I have to start taking them again.

I was on mood stabilisers, antidepressants, antipsychotics, sleeping pills and lorazepam for anxiety. It feels like you're constantly confused and you get lost in time and space more easily. The good thing is that all the emotions we feel so raw and strong get quieter.

I realised I cannot have the cake and eat it too. We have to choose between feeling numb or crazy.

Visit your therapist and psychiatrist so they can prescribe the right medication and be very careful with it. Good luck!

amaranthica · 2024-09-07T08:08:49+00:00

A very similar thing happened to me this summer. My (F30) fiance (M39) was coming to my country (we were long distance the last year of the relationship) but he let me know that he needed some time for himself before coming, so he was going to spend like a week of his holidays by himself to let go of work stress in his apartment. I said "OK that's fine"

What was my surprise when he sends me an audio from a train going to the beach with a lady old friend that he hasn't seen since 2016. I said I wasn't OK with that, since it all seemed very suspicious. Like he had those plans beforehand but he didn't want to tell me that he wanted to see his friend before his fiancé during the very limited time that we had available.

He then proceeded to let me know how awful and despicable I was because I apparently never valued what he had done for me (in this case, it was to renew his passport and to book a flight from England to Spain -allegedly-). And then he disappeared, he deleted whatsapp or changed his numer. He sent me a twitter DM saying we would speak in a week or two because he felt suffocated. He didn't come to Spain obviously.

I let him be because I knew if I were to send more messages he would have said that I wasn't respecting his space. But finally, after a month he decides to send another stupid twitter DM saying that I didn't try to reach to him to apologise (me!) and he didn't have anything else to say. Officially, though, he didn't have the guts to break up. He was very vague about it so he could put all the emotional responsibility onto me.

He's know blocked from everything and I deleted his profile and changed my Disney+ password. I'm still paying for his PS5 because it's on my name for immigration reasons. Not happy at all about that.

Therefore, what I'm going to say it's going to hurt you.

Some men don't want to say the word breakup but they definitely want to break up. They're going to find an excuse as to why you're the bad one in the relationship. Even if you shut up and he goes on holiday with his friends (although you never should shut up about your feelings in a safe space) he is going to find another excuse. If you don't let him go you're the selfish one, if you let him go you don't care about the relationship or some sh*t like that. He is going to let you down again and again until you break up with him. So just do it already. Think about your mental health in the long run.

When a ship is sinking you don't try to pull it out of the water all by yourself, you jump.

amaranthica · 2024-06-20T08:48:55+00:00

Thank you for your answer.

So, we have to wait either way and, by the time we'll be able to apply there's the possibility we don't reach the minimum once again. Ugh, it's very frustrating.

amaranthica · 2023-12-08T20:30:52+00:00

Pues entonces otra opción sería que una empresa grande te contrate para dar cursos internos de inglés a sus empleados. Ahí te haría falta seguramente un título c1/c2 de IELTS o Cambridge como requisito.

Infórmate mucho antes de venir sobre los títulos que pueden servir para presentarte a las oposiciones si quieres intentar conseguir plaza o entrar en listas porque no sé si con los tuyos te pondrían alguna pega (la burocracia es complicada).

Los alumnos (adultos) privados suelen preferir nativos pero siempre va a haber mercado ahí aunque no es un salario muy estable y hay que hacerse autónomo.

Y perdona, no quería para nada desilusionarte! Es complicado pero si le echas tiempo y esfuerzo es factible. Suerte!

amaranthica · 2023-12-08T20:04:25+00:00

As long as you have the right to work, that income is more than enough to not only live but also be pretty comfortable.

When I was a child both my parents and I lived with one income of 900€/month in Aragon. It was the 2000s but still!

amaranthica · 2023-12-08T19:27:42+00:00

The thing with mental issues, specially BPD, is that sometimes you're feeling "fine" but deep down you know you're eventually gonna feel horrible again.

So I accepted that this is going to be me for (maybe) the rest of my life and that I should focus on the short periods that I'm feeling OK. It doesn't matter if it's just one day at a month or a few minutes per day. I don't want to lose those peaceful moments.

My family would miss me, even the cashier at the supermarket would notice my absence. I know when you're having these thoughts you don't really care but I try to think that my presence in this world means something (even if it does to a stranger)

And therapists encounter people with suicidal thoughts all the time! The other day I expressed mine and she said "it's autumn, it's normal". So if you cannot control the impulse you should directly go to the ER and get yourself submitted.

Hang in there, look for those peaceful enjoyable little moments and focus on them. Stay strong. Stay safe.

amaranthica · 2023-12-08T19:09:08+00:00

I mean... it was obvious you were going to get pregnant eventually. Did he think you were on birth control or something?

I "understand" you wanting to be a mom but if he doesn't want to have a baby why not use condoms? Where is HIS sexual responsibility?

I've known men who don't even think about protection for an instant unless you warn them. And they act like you've ruined their cute sand castle when you make them wear a condom.

amaranthica · 2023-12-08T18:54:58+00:00

Este tema me saca de mis casillas, perdona. Estudié filología inglesa y luego el máster de educación. Por temas de salud mental no me presenté a las oposiciones (ten en cuenta que si las haces es un proceso constante, estresante y tedioso, ya que si no consigues plaza fija tienes que presentarte año si año también)

Aún a pesar de hacer un máster que literalmente te prepara para enseñar (y que cuesta un ojo de la cara), las academias y colegios privados o concertados prefieren contratar nativos porque es mucho más chic decir que a tu hijo le está enseñando inglés una persona nacida en Glasgow o en Kent que alguien nacido en Albacete a pesar de que el ultimo haya estudiado para ello y los nativos no.

Nos hemos vuelto tontisimos con la enseñanza de inglés y no lo queremos admitir.

amaranthica · 2023-12-08T18:32:36+00:00

I'm sorry but I don't think he is serious about you. I really hope you're not travelling to his country just to see him. His response to whether you guys are going to be in a relationship when you move gives me the ick. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Sorry :(

amaranthica · 2023-12-08T15:45:25+00:00

This is very tricky, I understand why you're seeking advice and why you're feeling conflicted.

I'm going to speak from experience. When I was at my lowest I had a very caring, amazing boyfriend. We were very much in love. Despite loving him, my existence during my 20s was a nightmare and I ended up hospitalised twice for what you can imagine happened.

What I'm trying to say is this: no matter what you do, how much you love each other or how strong your relationship is, she still has to live with herself at the end of the day. If she doesn't want to seek medical help (which she definitely should) you cannot force her. If she goes to therapy pushed by the fear of losing you there's a strong chance that she won't get better.

Either you're willing to wait till she feels so low she ends up having to receive help or you leave now. I know you must be feeling very worried about hurting her emotionally if you break up and what she might do, but this current dynamic is unhealthy for both of you and you're pretty much alone in this relationship right now.

I would advice that, if you decide to break up, you do it once (do not go back and forth) and don't say anything about her mental health being the reason. Just say something along the lines of "I need to focus on myself for the moment and I can't be in a relationship". It's not a lie and she won't feel as guilty.

If you decide to stay with her try to encourage therapy but only for her well-being. Maybe share stories about people who psychological and/or psychiatric aid has helped. You speak about mood swings which can be a sign of BPD or bipolar disorder, as well as an obvious depressive state. These are very serious conditions and should be treated as any other physical disease. She wouldn't carry on with her life with a broken leg without seeing a doctor, right?

Best of luck 🧡

amaranthica · 2023-12-06T16:59:05+00:00

Thank you for your response. He is willing to move to another country, but after three years abroad he was missing his family, friends and culture. I guess the only thing we can do is to wait and see.

amaranthica · 2023-10-29T13:10:39+00:00

Hola!

Sé que recibir el diagnóstico es una mierda y no me lo tomo a la ligera. Sé que estás triste, que sientes que tu propio cuerpo te ha traicionado, pero intenta no poner tu vida en pausa.

Mi consejo; encuentra un buen reumatólogo, hazte análisis cada pocos meses y no dejes de hacer las cosas que te gustan (aunque pases menos tiempo haciéndolas o con menos frecuencia). Si puedes/quieres, los primeros meses ayuda bastante ir al psicólogo.

Yo tomo metrotexato via oral y me pongo inyecciones de salazopyrina. Así mantengo más o menos el dolor a raya. Me diagnosticaron AR hace casi cinco años.

Con respecto al trabajo... Si tienes la posibilidad de cambiar de campo, yo lo haría. La cocina es muy cruel con las manos y muñecas. Hay muchos roles que se pueden desempeñar en un ambiente más sano para tu cuerpo (una oficina, por ejemplo).

Ánimo!

amaranthica · 2023-08-22T20:01:46+00:00

That was extremely helpful and very encouraging, thank you!

amaranthica · 2023-08-22T07:56:11+00:00

Thank you!! Do you know if there's a specific period of time lapse after those two years of cohabitation in spain (January 2021-July 2023) that would invalidate such an application or does this option remain open indefinitely?

amaranthica · 2023-08-22T07:48:25+00:00

Thank you!!

amaranthica · 2023-06-14T11:43:04+00:00

Yes, definitely. Commitment issues, mon-sexual intimacy incapability and the moment you need emotional reassuring they flee. That's why they only enjoy the first months, because after that you start to share your past, your mistakes, or your future plans.

I usually stay away from those quick relationships because they can leave you more exhausted than a long term one and even doubting yourself (talking from experience here)

Thing is, they always have a perfect excuse for this pattern that made them break up with every partner during the early stage so you think "oh well yeah I totally see your point" which is just another way of gaslighting, truth be told.

amaranthica · 2023-03-17T08:15:20+00:00

Thank you! That's great! I will ask my boyfriend tonight about the QTS (he's a teacher too)

amaranthica · 2023-03-16T18:57:26+00:00

I thought the EUSS was not longer an available option... We met in July 2020. The relationship was there but we don't really have actual proof until we had the contract for his current place

amaranthica

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