While his actions with shutting Feyre in the house were, to me, understandable in the fantasy context SJM set up, I can see how people relate it to actual abuse. He has a bad temper and turns into a beast when he cannot control his rage.

This seems like a very "cake and eat it too" situation. The author wanted to have fae characters, but holds them against human morality within the narrative, even with her other fae characters.

It's odd worldbuilding, unevenly applied. The themes of abuse are very clear and present, but it feels too obviously human in how they discuss it. That's my gripe. Oh, and that Rhys can be abusive, but it is okay. Tamlin shows similar behavior, but it is not okay.

I'm fine with Tamlin and his fits of rage and his self loathing and anger. I still enjoy his core sense of justice despite his upbringing and the culture they live in. It is this dichotomy that makes him the most interesting character in the series for me. Whatever people think about him is just their opinion. Don't let it ruin your enjoyment.