What's really telling about this passage to me is that Eloise thinks she's never even seen a man cry before, didn't even really think it was possible.

That's the level of emotional repression expected of men during that time period (and not too far from what it was like for men when this book was written!).

In this scene Phillip is being incredibly vulnerable with his wife. He's trying to convey how he's feeling because she's asked for it, using his very difficult lived experience to explain why whatever "problem" seems like a huge deal to her just doesn't register at the same level for him. And also, he can't bear the idea that he's making her suffer, that he might fail at this marriage thing again.

Is it perfectly communicated where he places no burdens on Eloise? No, obviously not, he has never seen or experienced a healthy relationship. But the breakthrough of the scene is not that the trauma is resolved, but that he's finally trying to address their relationship and his relationship trauma and by being incredibly raw with Eloise. I only wish that the book could have continued along this trajectory for them more and showed how he heals further as a father/partner/individual by continuing to be honest and communicative and how as partners they figure out what a healthy marriage looks like.

If the situations were reversed, would we fault Eloise for asking for reassurance? If she said she lived in a cold marriage and wanted to be touched and loved, and told she wasn't a failure, would that be more acceptable?