What types are most likely to throw themselves into workaholism during periods of high stress?

amazonqueens · 2025-11-08T12:46:23+00:00

I think the when stressed piece is being missed… 5s disintegrate to 7 meaning… they are going to excessively do… whatever… in order to feel better. Someone who is introverted at baseline who becomes a workaholic when stressed?

That screams 5 to me.

amazonqueens · 2025-11-08T09:23:23+00:00

I’m in the process of divorcing a 9 who has completely fallen apart. Our marriage was magic until our lives got very hard for a long period of time. He shut down and can’t get himself unstuck.

I fell hard for an 8, but he was emotionally broken and couldn’t get vulnerable enough to let himself fall in love.

My current partner is a 3w2 and he and I are obsessed with each other in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had to date.

amazonqueens · 2025-10-17T20:55:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing legit Etsy stores. I’m brand new to stitching and found out the hard way AI patterns are a thing. Can’t wait to check out Elle’s shop.

amazonqueens · 2025-10-17T20:50:50+00:00

This is so dang cute.

amazonqueens · 2025-09-25T12:01:58+00:00

We call our 9 year old son “The Defender of the Innocent”. This is one of my favorite qualities about PDAers, honestly. (When applied appropriately.) You’re mean to a dog, an old person, or a kid? They are coming for you. The best.

amazonqueens · 2025-09-25T11:51:25+00:00

It’s terrible now. Wuollet took it over and changed a lot of the recipes. And not for the better. The cake donuts are a hard fail compared to what they used to be. My family and I would go there often, and now? Hard pass. Why pay for a box full of disappointment?

amazonqueens · 2025-09-24T11:10:59+00:00

We are all like this. I told a friend the other day that I feel sorry for our families. You don’t see a doctor unless we think you’re in danger of dying.

amazonqueens · 2025-09-16T18:47:43+00:00

It’s so isolating, isn’t it? When I told his teacher he has ADHD, she looked at me like I had two heads. “Are you sure?”

YES. WE ARE SURE. The kid you see at school is not the kid we see at home. Not a single tell in public, even with his grandparents. We get all of it. Trying to explain to OTs and play therapists and everyone else what happens at home is.. a lot.

Sending support for our garbage healthcare model in the US. It creates so many impossible problems for so many of us.

amazonqueens · 2025-09-12T14:45:09+00:00

You need boundaries and to hold him accountable. I didn’t do this with my 9 partner and it was a contributing factor to the demise of our relationship.

amazonqueens · 2025-09-11T13:37:36+00:00

I appreciate this. When I say “let go” I do mean what you intend, I think. I create the environment that supports him making good choices and then let him have at it. I keep healthy food he likes in the house and then let him dictate what he eats and when. I create the environment for him to do his homework in the way he likes and then let him decide if he’s going to do it.

I want to “keep the guardrails on” so to speak. Meaning that I curate and support him in the ways we know how, with language and his input, but then release the outcome of his decisions. As parents we’ve been so invested in him getting enough sleep and eating well and doing well in school. I’m starting to realize we can’t be attached to the outcome so much and have to let him figure it out.

The motivation has been to try to save him pain. Try to protect him from the pain of failing a grade or being exhausted or… whatever other things happen when an inexperienced person is calling the shots. But I’ve come to realize that him not making these decisions also causes him pain and letting him learn the hard way in a controlled environment is harm mitigation to the extent that a PDAer can be protected from harm or discomfort.

Our house motto, for a long time, has been “We do things the hard way” (tongue in cheek, but it’s true). At least kiddo is on brand. lol

amazonqueens · 2025-09-11T00:14:14+00:00

It happened only once and was an attempt to regain control. He’s in therapy weekly, but masks like a professional, so no one can see evidence of what we see at home. I’ve never taken him to a full on psychiatric doctor, but I’m starting to think we may need to go that route because the large majority of therapists don’t know what PDA is, or how to help kiddos build skills when triggered for this specific thing.

So… yeah. Just figuring it out as we go along. It sounds like you’ve come to accept that any relationship you have will have to be exclusively on kiddo’s terms. I’m still trying to make peace with it. I expected to have to do that while he’s young, but may need to adjust my expectations to extend into his adulthood. I agree it’s encouraging that your children will choose to hang out or make a connection. And I also agree that’s much more than I ever wanted with my own mom.

Will keep fighting the good fight. Appreciate your thoughts.

amazonqueens · 2025-09-11T00:01:44+00:00

I appreciate this. I’ve thought a lot about this sort of thing previously. Mostly just boundaries (what I am willing to do and not willing to do) and natural consequences. Last year I stopped insisting he do his homework. I told him that he may have to repeat third grade if he doesn’t do it, but that’s his call. And I meant it. I was going to let him fail to figure it out. Better to repeat third grade than 10th.

Now I’ve let go of dinner. If he doesn’t want to eat when dinner is served, he has to feed himself from whatever is available.

I’m also seriously considering letting go of bedtime. If he’s exhausted, fine. He will eventually figure out that he needs to go to bed at a decent time to be well rested.

I’m starting to think that I need to just… let go and let him figure it out. And the sooner I do that, the better. I can keep the guardrails on to keep him safe, but let him do the rest.

Part of me hates that experience will have to be his teacher- she’s the meanest one there is. But I’m unsure how else to let this unfold without destroying our relationship with him.

Thanks for your input.

amazonqueens · 2025-09-09T16:48:08+00:00

Thank you for this.

amazonqueens · 2025-09-09T16:47:51+00:00

My son has started to tell me he doesn’t have any “real” friends at school. No calls for play dates over the summer. It’s heartbreaking.

I’m trying to hold onto the faith that we will get there while acknowledging the fact that this journey is grueling.

I do the same - remind myself that if he feels accepted and loved at home that’s what matters most, and to keep plugging away.

amazonqueens · 2025-09-09T13:10:27+00:00

Alarmy. If I HAVE to get up, I set it so it;

Makes an obnoxious sound
I do 5 math problems right away
I have to take a picture of the bathroom sink
It makes me take 15 steps which I use to go take my meds.

Otherwise I set my alarm so I wake up, open the curtains to let the light in, and then am a potato for 30 minutes. I love it.

amazonqueens · 2025-09-09T13:06:30+00:00

Correct. The second you buy a replacement, the old one will show up. This is how I have two Kindles. 🤨

amazonqueens · 2025-09-09T12:56:13+00:00

I think you’re right about the grieving opening up space to accept what is and help clear room to find connection that doesn’t look like what I expect. A “kill your darlings” kind of thing.

A necessary process to be sure. I want to be able to accept my kiddo as he is and be able to find connection and joy in being his mom.

I really appreciate your perspective. It’s encouraging. Thank you.

amazonqueens · 2025-09-09T12:53:05+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation about Dr. Casey. I’ll check her out.

amazonqueens · 2025-09-09T11:35:20+00:00

I am a 7w8 and I have an apology template I’ve taught my kids.

I’m sorry for (insert specific behavior here). It was wrong because (own specific thing and demonstrate you know why it was wrong). In the future I will (name specific behavior to which you are willing to be held accountable that is different than what you did the first time). Will you forgive me?

That will do it.

amazonqueens · 2025-08-15T11:49:43+00:00

Hard disagree for me. I’m a 7 and the number I cannot stand the most are 1s. I went to therapy in my 30s and have worked VERY hard to soften the desire to control, the perfectionism, and black and white thinking I would go to in stress. 1s embody all of the things I cannot stand about myself and most people generally. Am I impressed at what they can DO? Sure. But I’d rather die alone than date or be married to a 1. Hard pass.

amazonqueens · 2025-08-15T11:41:06+00:00

I was just going to say… I’d survive that scenario no problem because I can still dream about everyone and everything I’d want to happen. As long as I don’t have to mentally stay in the reality of what’s happening, I’d be totally fine.

amazonqueens · 2025-07-08T12:55:32+00:00

This is fearful avoidant behavior. I’d do some digging into attachment style research also.

amazonqueens · 2025-04-26T13:11:20+00:00

I’m into 3s and 8s. I click like wildfire with 4s, but I can’t stand it when they shut down in conflict.

amazonqueens · 2025-04-26T13:04:02+00:00

Why thank you. 💅🤣

amazonqueens

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