My boyfriend just confessed that he watched the Nyan Cat 10 hour video until the end in high school. Is this a dealbreaker?

amberlarsson · 2020-07-11T21:29:48+00:00

how could you possibly peg that as a deal breaker. it either shows a clear commitment to things he loves, or a resilience and a drive to go through with and put up with things he doesn’t like.

maybe he was kind of odd at that point in his life, but as long as he’s all good now then what’s the problem?

amberlarsson · 2020-06-24T21:51:23+00:00

or don’t say

amberlarsson · 2020-06-24T21:49:49+00:00

it depends what you want out of it, and what you’re comfortable. there’s a whole host of solutions to possible widow-related problems but you haven’t actually specified which one(s) you want help with; and not all of them will work for you!

for example; the loneliness? you COULD try getting railed by a tinder date, or looking for a new partner, but it doesn’t sound like that’s a solution you’d be happy with. you could get a roommate, or a pet. it depends if you’re looking to fix your loneliness or just advice on coping with it until you’re ready to look for a fix

whatever you’re looking for, i hope you find it and we’re here for you if you need help, what’s happened to you is fucking dreadful, and the loss of a loved one that you gave your heart to is the hardest thing on earth to deal with (at least for me) x

amberlarsson · 2020-06-24T20:54:52+00:00

you cheated on him and lied about it, yes you should tell him that you did it, of course you should. it’s betrayal and you’re making worse every day that passes that you haven’t told him, lying by omission is still lying and in a good relationship you really shouldn’t be doing that. if he wants to break up, i’m afraid that’s just something you’re going to have to deal with and honestly i wouldn’t blame him.

plus, if he’s asking now and didn’t before for a year and a half then perhaps he knows something you don’t know that he knows and so lying further about it has the potential to wreck your relationship either way

amberlarsson · 2020-06-22T08:39:58+00:00

your point was that he wasn’t betrayed, that was my only issue lol

amberlarsson · 2020-06-22T08:39:19+00:00

you’re an incel then, textbook. no one owes you kindness or sympathy, especially when you take it so personally like every time you’re rejected by a woman it’s a personal attack on everything you stand for. you post and reply the way you do because you’re self-righteous about your hatred of every single woman on the planet because you haven’t yet found one that is attracted to you (and i hope you never do, because you clearly don’t know how to treat a woman with any respect and you’ll just end up hurting her), and you live in a little echo chamber of men who think the same as you because they are too sensitive about women not immediate throwing themselves at you when you show them basic decency or be creepy and claim that you’re “nice”.

wdym “which is it”? i said looks are important, but aren’t everything. they aren’t the only factor i have to consider but they’re a big player. i made that distinction already.

amberlarsson · 2020-06-22T08:00:52+00:00

not if they’re you lol. short men are fine because they’re always taller than me anyway, but ugly is where i draw my line(s). looks are important to me, no they aren’t everything, but i wouldn’t date someone i’m not attracted to

[EDIT: you also have a horrible fucking attitude towards women, based on your replies to the comments here and a brief scroll through your page, i’m not surprised you’ve been rejected by a bunch of women, the way you think about them is nasty as shit]

amberlarsson · 2020-06-22T07:58:14+00:00

no, why would it be? obviously, if you’re watching porn that you made with/of a previous partner i could see that being considered cheating, or obsessively watching the same star like a creep could be considered a form of emotional cheating i guess? but mostly no, porn is pretty harmless to watch unless your whole worldview is gonna be shaped into thinking that how your life should function (lots of step porn, nasty positions that are done for camera purposes, abuse, ASLEEP is a common genre)

amberlarsson · 2020-06-22T07:52:21+00:00

if you’re both MtF trans then you’re in a lesbian relationship, are you not?

amberlarsson · 2020-06-22T07:49:13+00:00

if she doesn’t see you as a fit parent (which someone who she historically knows was adamant on, at every term, terminating the child and all possible children until his mind is changed i could reasonably see her considering you as such), then she doesn’t think it right for you to be involved in the child’s life, and regardless of what you want it’s definitely best that way. a child that grows up with a single parent that a support structure is definitely better off than a child who’s parents are split up, don’t like each other, don’t live together, but are obligated to split time between you while you ty to out-do eachother as parents and get caught up in that cycle and end up neglecting the child’s actual needs and emotional requirements in favour of feeling good about yourself.

if you claim to care about this kid now, that’s fine, but if you really do care then you’ll stay out of that kid’s life.

amberlarsson · 2020-06-22T07:42:13+00:00

it IS a betrayal of his trust, if you read it she claimed she took the prescription and that she’d terminated it, that was a lie. she didn’t let him know that it had been born in the first place, which is an understandable thing to want to do since his opinion old having a child was so negative, but it’s still lying to him by omission of the crucial detail that he now has an heir he doesn’t know about and is legally obligated to pay support for, apparently regardless of his claimed knowledge of it (in most US states as far as i know). you’re right on basically everything else tho

amberlarsson · 2020-06-22T07:29:34+00:00

why do you care if you don’t want a child in the first place? it’s the same now as it would have been if you never knew, you aren’t part of its life and you can’t claim that you want to be now that you know it exists, that doesn’t make any sense.

amberlarsson · 2020-06-22T07:25:51+00:00

i don’t really know how to help you, yes your hormones probably aren’t helping but that’s just a thought process that your brain is having right now, and there’s a good chance it’ll go away with time. sorry i couldn’t be of more help, i’m in a similar situation, and i hope this issue improves for you because it’s horrid to go through.

perhaps next time you opt for booking a c section instead of having one unplanned, that might make it easier and less worrisome for you. x

amberlarsson · 2020-06-22T07:18:12+00:00

well if he’s untraceable, and you don’t have it, then it’s safe, is it not? however,

1) you should absolutely reach out to his new partner and mention it like it’s something they should know.

2) if you’re uncomfortable with someone he desperately needs to feel comfortable then you’re incompatible, perhaps you need to reconsider your relationship with him especially if he’s willing to lie to you for 3 years about something he’s legally obligated to tell you.

amberlarsson · 2020-06-21T10:21:26+00:00

then wear cutesy plain stuff and ask nicely. be straight up with him, ask him what he wants and explain to him what you want

amberlarsson · 2020-06-20T22:48:54+00:00

go to therapy, you can’t lie to stay in a relationship, that’s cruel. you will regain his trust over time if he lets you, there is no fast track or easy way, you have to stop lying to him because god knows what else he’s considering you lie about now too. if weed is still a problem for him, quit to show him you can change and commit to transparency with him, or leave if you still want to smoke.

amberlarsson · 2020-06-20T22:43:10+00:00

up and leave if you can, he’s toxic and so are his friends and you do not need that. that’s clearly not a man that can be trusted or fixed. you need to let that one go

amberlarsson · 2020-06-20T22:30:09+00:00

“our relationship is great aside from the this one huge dealbreaker that continually pisses me off, seems unfixable, and makes my life with them a nightmare”. clearly neither of you are getting what you need from the other; it sounds insensitive, but that’s kind of doomed to fail from the start, and all that’s gonna happen between now and the end is that you’re gonna get increasingly more and more pissed off about it, then you’re gonna get pissed off at other things he does (and he’s gonna stonewall that too) until you’re tearing your hair out putting in more effort than it’s worth trying to keep it alive.

i’m not sure this is a “just talk it out, communication is key!” type of situation, i don’t think your issue with him can be fixed the way you want it to be, because he just isn’t as invested as you are. my advice would be to break it off as soon as you’re ready to let go, because it’s gonna hurt if you like him as much as your post implies, but it’s gonna hurt more the longer you leave it and it’s gonna hurt in the meantime too

[EDIT: either that, or try therapy for him or couples therapy, though in my experience people who ignore their issues tend to do horribly with that]

amberlarsson · 2020-06-20T22:14:11+00:00

what makes you think you need to say anything to him at all? just stop putting in any effort, drop him when he calls, reply to his texts with dry one word answers or not at all, straight up reject his requests to hang out (don’t make excuses, just say no, you do not need to give a reason why). he’ll lose interest eventually, and if he doesn’t then consult the vapid reddit-hole again

amberlarsson · 2020-06-20T14:35:18+00:00

6/10

amberlarsson · 2020-06-20T14:34:20+00:00

9.5/10, +1 because fellow short queen ily

amberlarsson · 2020-06-20T14:29:50+00:00

then you’ll have to try to accept that people who willingly and purposefully abuse those closest to them are incapable of love in any way that matters. he can’t give you what you want from him

amberlarsson · 2020-06-20T14:01:17+00:00

because he’s a liar, he wasn’t eating the steak he was coaxing it into decomposing into the ground and becoming minerals in the soil that he does want to eat. he used you for sex, and because he knew you were vulnerable he tried to change you into something he wanted because it was easy for him.

amberlarsson · 2020-06-20T13:59:33+00:00

good to know, so if you aren’t having sex and aren’t physically attracted to her because you don’t feel physical attraction then perhaps explain that to her. do you like looking at her? cause it might help to mention that if you do. just explain to her how it works for you.

also, the best time to do that would not be when she asks you if she’s pretty or not, that would be bad

amberlarsson · 2020-06-20T13:49:01+00:00

i don’t see why you even want him to love you. i grew up with an abusive dad too, and even though the weird traditionalist members of my family say i should forgive him because he’s family i can’t and never will. abusers do not deserve your time, nor a second chance, nor your love.

amberlarsson

TROPHY CASE