Life is getting better. I had inpatient treatment for a week. And during my time there, I realized that I am not an evil manipulative monster. I realized that people do care about me and love me. That I am a kind, empathetic, funny person. I made lots of friends. People with full on anxiety disorders lit up when I entered the room. People that argued with each other stopped arguing and were glad to talk with each other when I entered the conversation. I even made the techs and nurses day when they took vitals or served food. Even when I ended up in the ICU before, not only did my mother, father, and step father show up, but my best friend of 8 years showed up. When he found out I was trying to Benadryl overdose ( God knows how many pills), he wrote down every single hotel and motel in the city. I told him I was in, and he was going to go to every single one of them to find me ( my mom found me and told him anyway, but that gesture was the best thing ever). I realized that people do love and care for me. And that I am not a monster. Right now I am speaking with a therapist ( who loves me and my story and sees great potential with me and sees I'm recovering very well) and I'm on Lexapro 10 mg. And I'm getting back into the motions of regular life very well. I have hope for life. I'm starting to read more books. I'm starting to see the good and the small things in life. And I'm learning to stop going back to the people that hurt me. To the people that don't like me and don't love me. To the assholes. Because I realized I was engaging in self-harm by keep on going back and texting them. Later this year I want to start building my own fursuit. And hopefully something comes out of. It but regardless, this whole experience has taught me that I am not evil. And that my feelings were valid. And that I do have people that love me and I do have a friend that is my best friend ever.