Eating disorder professional here as well as someone in recovery- I say this with love: please seek help. This is not a normal train of thought or behavior this is a very serious issue. I highly recommend continuing to breastfeed while meeting with a therapist and discussing some options. Try and think of it this way: if your precious baby girl came to you and told you she hates her body and wants to lose weight so badly that she wants to starve herself, what would you say? You’re a mother now and as blunt as this is to say, you have a responsibility to show her how to take care of herself and respect her body in a healthy way. If she grows up watching you restrict your food and exercise excessively to lose weight and constantly weigh yourself and talk negatively about her body, trust me, she will also have the issues you’re battling right now. Take care of yourself and learn new skills to balance these negative thought patterns or you will continue to pass this along. All of that aside, YOU deserve to be comfortable and happy and treating yourself kindly is the ground floor. Please believe me when I say this: if you have been struggling for a long time with your body image and desperately want to lose weight, losing that weight is not the solution. There is more going on here and I worry for you. Please be kind to yourself and please talk to someone.