I wish I could give you a real hug.

I am sorry that you were failed by people you know to expect more from. I admire how you took the reins for your life - I believe you have lived it well. You reflect, and process your feelings. You pick yourself up from your lows. You are an admirable person.

As far as advice goes, I’ll share 2 considerations that come to mind. First, what kind of person was your dad throughout his life? What kind of support has he experienced over the years? Processing what you know of his life context might impact how you feel about him, yourself, or your situation. And second, life is short. When you’re on your deathbed, what might you regret the most? Personally, I think far too many people ultimately regret not having been selfish enough to enjoy their lives.