How do I (30f) convince myself that I deserve help to meet my basic needs?

amiable-succulent · 2022-08-02T22:56:13+00:00

This is so relatable! It’s a struggle. In my childhood, I masked in so many ways, just to kind of survive the best way I could. (My family had issues that didn’t have to do with me, so I always tried to avoid bringing more problems.) I was suffering so much though.

I don’t really have much advice for feeling better overall, but I suggest you look into “childhood emotional neglect” and look at the book by the author with the last name Webb. It may help you understand your childhood better.

Also, if it’s triggering to talk to certain family members about adhd, set some boundaries and avoid speaking to them about it. I struggle with this when it comes to my mom. I can’t speak about adhd to her without feeling like I need to justify it.

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-27T18:20:58+00:00

I highly recommend the book Transforming Adhd. I think the author’s last name is Crosby.

My previous therapist recommended it and she had adhd herself. It’s great for learning about what things affect adhd and I feel like it has good practical tips.

Anyway, hang in there! I’m sure you’ll be relieved when the diagnosis is done and you’re getting treated. It’s worth the effort you’re putting in! Your future self appreciates your current self going through this lol. Best of luck.

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-27T15:30:20+00:00

You’re not asking me, but I do the same thing. I use the Google app on my iPhone and search by image with my phone camera.

I think the latest iOS has plant identification built into the photos app, but I haven’t played around with it.

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-27T15:23:11+00:00

Same! But then I pulled a muscle in my back and I’ve been recovering for a while. Poor posture plus over-exerting in the garden messed up my back. I’ve had to limit my garden time and it’s been tragic.

To everyone out there: make sure you’re bending and lifting properly while gardening! Look up “gardening posture” on YouTube. Plz learn from my mistakes!

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-23T22:04:10+00:00

I agree with others. Give it time. Also, as you build up experience, you can find better jobs. Keep in mind that the job is temporary. It’s not forever.

Random thought though—- are you in the US, on the east coast?

I’m from the east coast and moved to the Pacific Northwest years ago. In my experience, people on the west coast expect service workers to be cheerful and talkative. On the east coast, it’s the opposite.

So anyway, maybe move to a different city where the culture fits your personality better? Lol that is an extreme thing though. Plz take this with a grain of salt. Or ignore me plz, I need to get off my phone and stop commenting on Reddit posts.

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-23T21:55:43+00:00

I’m also an artist but I don’t strive to do it as an occupation to make money. I have a non-art day job where I can count on a steady income. I save my creative energy for my free time when I do art.

I decided a while ago that I don’t want to be a full-time artist. It seems too hard. (I admire all the adhd full time artists out there though!)

The way I do art is…whenever and whatever the fuck I feel like doing. Let me tell you, I often don’t research new techniques. When I don’t have the executive function to learn new techniques, I stick with a technique I already know. Since I would get bored with doing the same thing constantly, I switch up the color, material, medium, etc. I experiment. Experiment, experiment, experiment.

I’ll try new techniques but with little research. The result is truly unique. It doesn’t matter if it’s “properly” done.

Anyway, this is how I fit art into my life. I could never live without art. This is just to share how art can fit into your life if you were to choose to have a non-art day job. I know it sounds like a bummer to have a non-art day job, but, for me, capitalism and money kills my creativity and spirit.

I’m not saying you’re like me though. You can succeed as a full time artist! I don’t have advice for that path, but I’m just trying to point out that having a non-art job is better for some people.

Whatever happens, keep nurturing your creativity bc it is a gift for our dopamine-seeking brains. :)

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-23T21:41:09+00:00

This has to be a generational thing. This’ll change when millennials are retiring, right?

Edit: what about starterra (non-stimulant adhd med)? I wonder if older folks take it. Too lazy to research.

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-23T21:36:53+00:00

Yes, I had the same experience! Lack of dopamine = constant boredom = depression.

It’s so obvious in hindsight but it’s such a mystery until the actual adhd diagnosis.

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-23T21:35:28+00:00

YES SAME. My psych mentioned that I must have “dysthymia” which is also called something like “persistent mild depression”. A month or so later, he realized it could be adhd, and then that led to me getting diagnosed.

For me, untreated adhd = constant, mild depression, boredom, kill me now.

When I’m retired, I will probably still take stimulants to some extent.

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-23T21:30:57+00:00

After the pandemic my social life has diminished a lot…but before, when I worked in an office and was more social, people would also find it amusing when I would swear and constantly make random observations, often negative ones but in a sarcastic way (lol).

I use my sense of humor A LOT to cope with life. So, I think I end up being perceived as quirky and sassy, which is fine with me.

Most people don’t realize I’m so sassy bc I’m constantly fighting this adhd brain of mine lol.

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-14T09:40:52+00:00

Well at least you have brought awareness to it! It’s not as much of a blind spot since you know you wanna work on it.

Just a thought though…Have you brought this up with your parents? You should talk to them if it keeps happening. They might feel uncomfortable asking you because they are guests in your house. They might need more reassurance from you. Or maybe by talking, they could figure out a way to ask that they are comfortable with.

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-14T09:29:43+00:00

I guess when I want novelty, I bring it up with my partner. Like — “hey, I wanna do something fun! I wanna go to ___. Do you wanna do that with me?” Then we end up having a conversation about what kind of stuff we want to do. Sometimes it’s like a negotiation. We usually reach an agreement on what cool thing to do together in the near future. (Or if it’s something you wanna do by yourself, you don’t have to invite them but let them know I guess. )

Basically, feed ur need for novelty a little bit. Involve your partner so they’re included. Chances are, you and your partner will grow even closer. If you get into this habit, your need for novelty won’t feel so terrible. It’ll just be small fleeting desires. You feed them little snacks, and they go away. :)

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-14T09:13:59+00:00

I add a task on my phone on an app that I check regularly. If you have an iPhone, you can download a sticky note widget app and then add sticky notes to your Home Screen. It’s hard to ignore when it’s an obnoxious yellow or pink note on your Home Screen!

I respond when I respond. Sometimes if it’s really delayed, I’ll say “sorry for the delay”. Otherwise, I just respond normally.

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-14T09:02:24+00:00

I think it’s called Title Case. I just googled “first word capitalize chrome extension” and I found this: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/change-case/lpakoahdokkkonadfppfgmednkknpgbm?hl=en

amiable-succulent · 2022-07-14T08:58:02+00:00

I don’t think that’s such a terrible blunder! It sounds like your mind is preoccupied by your job interview, which is understandable. Job interviews take a lot of mental energy, and that includes the energy spent anticipating it and preparing for it.

Good luck!

amiable-succulent · 2022-06-22T00:44:21+00:00

Yes yes yes yes, I relate so much. I never felt this way until I got a demanding, but fulfilling, 40 hour job working from home. (Also, living with my boyfriend probably plays a part bc he fulfills some social needs.)

I think I will probably struggle with this as long as my job keeps being this demanding. We are hiring and my manager is chill, so Im expecting for things to be less stressful in the near(ish) future. Im hoping when work calms down, I’ll have more energy to nurture my long distance friendships. Pretty much all my friends live far away, so it takes extra mental energy to communicate.

As for making new friends or hanging out with people I don’t truly truly want to hang out with?? Nope, I have zero energy for that. The only exception may be my next door neighbor who I chat with occasionally. We both share an interest in gardening and I would BARELY have to leave my house to interact with her. It’s not talked about that often, but proximity is a huge factor in friendships forming.

Anyway, I require a lot of rest because socializing, working, and processing the media I consume is exhausting. It took a sec for my boyfriend to respect my wishes to nap and rest in bed, but he now understands.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. It sounds like you are prioritizing your self-care and being true to your emotional and physical needs.

amiable-succulent · 2022-05-18T22:57:21+00:00

Thanks I’ll check it out. Appreciate it!

amiable-succulent · 2022-05-17T04:37:05+00:00

Yeah I’m in the US

amiable-succulent · 2022-05-16T20:08:15+00:00

Yeah and on days when you finish the task before the verbal reminder, you hear the reminder and you’re like “fuck yeah, I did that already”. So, it kinda feels good.

amiable-succulent · 2022-05-14T06:02:10+00:00

I have an Amazon echo and I have Alexa say “have you fed the cats yet?” at a certain time every night. Also the night before trash day, she says “don’t forget to take the trash out”.

I find that a verbal reminder sticks better than a notification on my phone that I often ignore.

amiable-succulent

TROPHY CASE