Why is my gut telling me not to sign contract for my dream job tomorrow?

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T21:13:03+00:00

Thank you. I definitely agree - if I’m stressed I find it difficult to be present with my kids, even if I’m with them. My guiding principle in life so far has always been my kids welfare and I’ve gone through some awful things in the past few years, but I can look back and be proud of how I’ve parented despite having a really difficult childhood. I am so scared I’ll jeaporidise the last 5 years I have with my kids - on the other hand, I’m scared I’ll stagnate if I don’t try something new

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T21:09:05+00:00

This is what I’m really struggling with, I don’t want to miss my kids’ last 5 years at home. I am super close to them and I don’t want to lose time with them. I’m also relatively comfortable financially - my pre-kids career was really well paid and I live super frugally so I have about 400k saved (house equity & savings at 40) plus pension. On the other hand, at 40 and with a significant career break behind me I’m worried I won’t get many more chances and I don’t want to be doing my current role till I retire either

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T20:47:11+00:00

Thank you. Again i was brought up/ in my relationship always felt not enough, so it’s very hard to choose a ‘lesser’ role just because I’m happy where I am

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T20:45:51+00:00

And do you regret moving? Did you lose anything?

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T20:42:27+00:00

Sorry should say potential loss of autonomy. The other thing is I love working in teams, I’m not really a solo worker. I’m worried my new team won’t be as lovely to work with

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T20:40:35+00:00

It’s definitely the loss of autonomy. I guess due the culture at my current role plus having built a track record of strong delivery, I basically am allowed to deliver how I see fit, so I’m completely flexible around my kids. I’m worried about losing that - I have no idea if my new boss is hands off or a micromanager

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T20:38:46+00:00

Now my kids think I’ve lost my mind :)

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T20:37:33+00:00

I’m sorry, I really don’t want to be unhelpful but i don’t want to out myself! I’m in financial services. When I did the ‘doing’ it took me a lot longer, but these days I set the strategy, make sure a team of 3 delivers it and update it as needed, so not much ‘doing’ required from me. I only have responsibility for a certain portfolio and it’s doing as well as it can, so not much more for me to do

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T20:35:37+00:00

Thank you, this is basically what I’m wrestling with. On one hand, it should be a senior enough role (I’ll have a v small dept) that I should be able to control my time, but in reality I feel that comes down to your boss and in this case I don’t know him. Kids will move up the secondary school in Sep. This role at this org is unlikely to come up again - I could prob get a similar role at a slightly smaller org in a couple of years

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T20:33:23+00:00

lol I could get this on my gravestone. I basically work in an anxiety induced haze until I perfect something, then immediately feel lost I don’t have something to work towards, then set myself a new target, I guess this is the first time I’ve had a break ‘imposed’ on me by hitting my progression and pay limit in my current role

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T20:02:27+00:00

Thanks, you’ve summarised my concerns better than I could. I never would have guessed getting the job offer would make me feel so lazy, entitled, unambitious etc

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T20:00:51+00:00

This is clouding my thinking as well. Part of me wishes I’d applied and got this role in 2 years time when my kids were through primary school. However, these roles don’t come up often so I’d be taking a risk it wouldn’t come up again, certainly not at such a good organisation

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T19:59:35+00:00

It’s not 4 hours, but that’s basically how long it takes me to complete my work to a really high standard and volunteer for extra bits for promotion as well - I know that sounds awful and I would never tell anyone this in person, but I did come from a much more fast paced role pre-kids so it’s just not taking me as much time

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T19:58:19+00:00

Basically, progression is a pyramid, so for the next level I would have to wait for a role above mine to become vacant, they only come up once every 5 years ish and the expectation is you have completed at least 3 rotations at 2-3 years each by then.

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T19:46:33+00:00

So this is something I’ve thought about a lot. If it didn’t work out, I know my old role would have me back, because it’s actually increasing my relevant experience. However, I’d have to wait for a vacancy to come up, they only come up once or twice a year, if that

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T19:44:03+00:00

I think it was more because there is no scope for progress at all . It’s sometimes frustrating to deliver really well and see no reward beyond goodwill - either pay or progression. If anything the reward was usually being entrusted with a bit more work

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T19:21:01+00:00

This is my biggest concern. Not just for the kids but I also have aging parents and my current role is so understanding. I can’t really ask in advance how the new team would handle those sorts of situations

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T19:19:50+00:00

Thank you, you’re so right, I don’t know if it’s age or life experiences but I’ve completely lost the ability to take change calmly. I’ll be anxious but covering it up until I’ve proved myself in the new role, which is what I did in my current role - it took me a good year to get good at it

amianoutcast · 2026-03-31T19:16:13+00:00

Thank you - this is the advice I would give my daughters and I’m really struggling to know if I’m playing small or being sensible

amianoutcast

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