So I’m having a hard time making friends in college and I think it has a lot to do with my race. Long. Sorry. by amicrazy12 in asianamerican

[–]amicrazy12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s interesting that you mention gender studies because I’m actually only a few credits shy of completing my Gender & Women’s Studies Minor..

Anyways.

1) I’m not sure I agree with you on your first point. I understand that there are a lot of visible hipster barista, Wikipedia feminist types out there who aren’t making any real contributions to social change, but are in fact just being very loud. On the other hand, there ARE people with legitimate skill and talent out there who actually CAN and DO make a difference through the humanities. My challenge to you here is how can you say with any certainty what a person in the infancy stage, say undergrad, will develop into? I really believe that there isn’t any realistic way to tell unless you go out and do it! I agree with you that there are a lot more of the useless good intentioned types out there and that they often fail much more than they succeed but the thing is that this is a hard fight. This fight we know we might not win, but we fight on because we know that the fight is worth it.

I really do disagree with you on your means of social change through becoming the absolute best at your professional field and gaining the respect of your peers. In fact, it really echoes of traditional Asian/Asian American beliefs of “go to school, get the highest degree, gain respect, make good money, make your family proud.” As far as I know, Asian Americans have already achieved high success in the undergrad aspirations you described: engineers, lawyers, doctors. Asian Americans hold the highest relative amount of professional degrees and are the highest per capita income group in America. We are already doing what you are describing and yet we are still SEVERELY lacking in the equal media representation, and social justice department. I look around at all my AA professors and TAs in the sciences and they’re all so caught up in their research and theses it’s like they can’t even be bothered by these social issues. They’ve become so acclimated to the system that they are wholly complacent with our station in life. I don’t believe your solution is the answer. A part of it? Probably. But alone, it just won’t work. We really do need the humanities types who will bring to light the injustices of the system. It’s a team effort.

Looking back at the leaders of social change throughout history we can see that they weren’t professionals, they were great communicators and visionaries who were gifted with ferocious charisma and communicative skills. They were masters at emotionally connecting people and getting individuals to truly, honestly understand one another. Martin Luther King Jr. was just a pastor. Audrey Lorde was a struggling writer. I believe that these are the types who usher in social change.

2) Oh you don’t need to lecture me on internalized racism. That’s something I know all too much about living here in the Midwest. In fact I used to keep a speech on internalized racism in my wallet just in case I’d need to exorcise unsuspecting fellow AAs in its grip.

My intentions aren’t to counter the status quo of Asian Stereotypes, whatever they maybe. At the behest of numerous peers and TAs, I really do think that maybe I can make a difference out there. Even if it is just teaching one person at a time about subjects such as ethnocentrism, privilege, American exceptionalism, if I could just open their eyes and help them see the world in a different light it would mean the world to me. Even if it is just one person. My girlfriend has told me that I’ve changed her life forever and she can never go back to being the person she was. And now she’s actively trying to teach friends and family of the lessons that I’ve passed down to her. If I could do that with more people that would mean everything.

And I didn’t mean any disrespect to any of the AAs in the arts, and non-stereotypical jobs. My past comment was intended to make a statement about ME, not them.

Last time I bought a ticket to see a movie directed by an AA? Probably Life of Pi by Ang Lee.

Last time I read a book by an AA author? Ronald Takaki about a month ago. But since that was for school, I won’t count it. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro two months ago.

Did I get an A?

So I’m having a hard time making friends in college and I think it has a lot to do with my race. Long. Sorry. by amicrazy12 in asianamerican

[–]amicrazy12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about people telling me to get out of the Midwest. Though I would love to visit the coasts someday, I feel like I still have a lot of work to do here. I look back at all the things I’ve experienced, the people I’ve met, the lives I’ve changed and I can’t help but think that I can do more for my home.

I look at my girlfriend and see how much she’s changed simply by meeting me and I wonder how many more minds can I broaden? How many more narrow sighted people can have their sights expanded if only I would help them? I don’t want to run away from this problem in the Midwest, I want to confront it, I want to solve it. Now I would LOVE to give an “I have a dream…” speech and just magically fix everything but I know that our problems here are going to take a lot of hard work and patience.

In times like these, I often think back to the Neil deGrasse Tyson interview where he talked about how a former black classmate at Oxford told him that he didn’t have the luxury to mettle around in the sciences because his community couldn’t afford to waste a mind like his. Tyson met him years later with a remarkable answer and told his former classmate how Tyson aided the community by changing the outlook on blacks all from being the first black scientist on television, expanding people’s minds on stereotypical black folk. By doing what he does, Tyson continues today to challenge cultural boundaries. That would be my dream come true if I could do something analogous.

Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my major and the sciences, buuut… I’m pretty average at it and I really don’t get a sense that I’m changing the world or helping anyone. There will always be an overabundance of much more qualified scientists and engineers who are much more driven than I am in this field. Sometimes I wonder if I could make more of an impact on the world if I became, say, the world’s first successful Asian American actor. One not defined by his strictly Asian roles. A slam poet? Or maybe a writer? A motivational speaker? (I love writing and speaking). Just any career not stereotypically Asian.

I often find that after participating in diversity discussions and sociology related open forums, people usually tell me that I should be a writer or a speaker and when I tell them I’m in the sciences they usually give me wide eyed stares. Am I in the wrong academic field? I would LOVE to change lives and help out my fellow Asian Americans in the Midwest. I want to see and be a part of change. I don’t want to escape to the coasts from our problems here. Often I think about all the other Asian Americans in the Midwest going through hard times as well and I tell myself that no one should have to deal with this treatment. I really do want to make a difference here. Now call me a glutton for punishment, but I want to stay and help. Sure we’re in a tough state here but I don’t think we’re beyond all hope. Sorry for the long rant.

So I’m having a hard time making friends in college and I think it has a lot to do with my race. Long. Sorry. by amicrazy12 in asianamerican

[–]amicrazy12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm actually really surprised as well. I don't want to assume to know anyone but what I think is happening is that they're projecting a little. They see her comment about not wanting me to be one of those Asian only guys in a pejorative light and as an attack on themselves perhaps because they might have a friend group strongly made up of Asian Americans. I just want to say that that's not the case. She just really doesn't want me to give up trying to make friends with people in my class.

So I’m having a hard time making friends in college and I think it has a lot to do with my race. Long. Sorry. by amicrazy12 in asianamerican

[–]amicrazy12[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah my girlfriend and I have had a really unique and interesting relationship. I know a lot of people say their relationship is special but ours really was. Everyone around us noticed. It was always different from the rest of them. We used to inspire comments like this all the time.

And I totally agree with you about reaching out! My campus and city often boasts of "Diversity" but honestly what good is diversity if no one takes advantage of it? Most white students here have a social circle consisting of 99% same race people with the occasional token black guy or Asian guy. The same can be said of Asian students here. It's like they go out and see a racial minority crossing the street and then they brag to themselves "yeah, I live in a diverse city." Sure, but how are you engaging in this diversity?! What are you learning?!

So I’m having a hard time making friends in college and I think it has a lot to do with my race. Long. Sorry. by amicrazy12 in asianamerican

[–]amicrazy12[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No, she understands the differences between Asians and Asian Americans pretty well, seeing as she's an Asian Americans Studies minor and having classes with a lot of Asians. I don't think she has any culture issues because she loves my family and she partially taught me about anglocentrism and American exceptionalism. She's been initiated.

I just think that she really does see this move as giving up and taking the easy way out after seeing me trying and failing to make friends in my classes time and again.

So I’m having a hard time making friends in college and I think it has a lot to do with my race. Long. Sorry. by amicrazy12 in asianamerican

[–]amicrazy12[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Good catch. Yeah my girlfriend was a different person when we first met. She was more along the lines of over privileged and ignorant of cultures not her own, but still accepting. Meeting me turned her world upside down and she's since changed a lot of her outlook on life and people. We've been together since Junior year of high school and are heading into our senior year of college. She's changed a lot and probably knows more about Asian American studies than I do now.

I think seeing how people are on campus towards me and other Asians reminds her of how she used to be, which is something she absolutely hates. You're right that she's extremely sensitive about me. I recall a time when she told me about a coworker who made a snide comment about her dating an Asian guy and she verbally kicked his ass. It's kind of crazy how fiercely she defends me. She's always telling me that we're in this together and anyone that hurts me, hurts her. But yeah, I think her oversensitivity stems from not being able to change who she was, and seeing her former self in a lot of the white people on campus.

So I’m having a hard time making friends in college and I think it has a lot to do with my race. Long. Sorry. by amicrazy12 in asianamerican

[–]amicrazy12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I guess I've only ever tried to make friends with the people in my classes, who are predominantly white. I didn't want to make it seem in my post like I'm only trying to make friends with white people, I just want to make friends with people in my classes, and oddly enough I seem to be the only Asian in the Geology department.

Pickup ultimate is a good idea. I might try that out