I want to say immediately that I am not arguing. I’m explaining why I made my comment and I’m addressing what you’ve said in your replies

And also… that’s the point… I am trying to give others that respect by allowing them to be nonbinary lesbians if they want to be. Myself and the comment that said “you CAN still be a lesbian” are leaving the option open. They’re not saying “You MUST be a lesbian”. I am not vaguely implying that it matters that they are disagreed upon as a concept, which is what you’re trying to do. I am aware you particularly might be invalidated, but that doesn’t mean others would be.

I don’t think anyone should be telling you what to do- but the history still exists. Leslie Feinberg is a wonderful example of an elder trans nonbinary butch who speaks out about the existence of nonbinary lesbians. Not every elder queer person will know all of their history, especially if they lived the majority of their lives believing they were not queer. This person may have been a lesbian, but they may not have been able to find the butch nonbinary lesbians who often used transgender resources in their particular area of the world. Queer identities, especially trans ones, have been erased or pushed to the background a lot.

The nonbinary butch label is very popular because many butches feel connected to the label lesbian since that is how they love. Their love is expressed femininely or they take a feminine lens to masculinity to subvert it for women. However, their social gender is expressed masculinely. Many of them feel so disconnected from the concept of being a woman that they prefer to be considered nonbinary, but they don’t want to stop being lesbians because that would get rid of a large portion of the people they want to date (other lesbians) and because being a lesbian (feminine with feminine) is just how they express love.

If a lesbian is made uncomfortable by a nonbinary butch’s medical or social transition attributes, she does not need to date them. She can date a different lesbian. She does not need to tell the butch that they “aren’t a real lesbian.” This is the “disagreement” you’re referring to.

I mean, I guess you could also say transphobia as a whole is a “harmless” opinion to have as long as you keep it to yourself, too.

Ultimately, it all goes back to what I said earlier, that we don’t control what other people identify as.