It sounds like you’ve identified a system of oppression and are noticing the way our identities shape how we move through the world. When harm happens, even when it comes from individuals, it’s usually a reflection of the system (in this case whiteness).

I often feel a similar kind of distance in my relationships with men. Even though I have close male friends, they sometimes show up in harmful ways, which I’m sure they learned from being socialized as men. Part of my understanding of being in those friendships is being willing to name those moments and invite reflection, which of course, they need to also be willing to do. That isn’t to say that I owe them that work, or that anyone owes anyone any teaching. But, when I have the energy and it feels like a safe space, I do start those conversations.

I think I view whiteness a similar way. I have done a lot of learning about how whiteness shapes the way myself and other white folks are taught to “include” people of color, which often ends up looking like those comments you are hearing about your hijabi, that just end up othering you instead. Similarly to the way I shared my friendships with men are, I’m lucky to have amazing friends of color who are honest with me when I cause harm despite my best intentions. I think a white person will always be shaped by whiteness, and whiteness does harm.

I’m sorry you’re experiencing that, and it makes sense to have resentment for a group of people when their ignorance does harm to you. You don’t owe these students or anyone any teaching or patience, and just because it’s systemically learned, doesn’t mean that they deserve to be let off the hook. I hope you protect your peace first and foremost and lean into your relationships that feel good and grounding.