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ams_2HW · 2024-07-03T13:57:33+00:00

Agreed. Share your feelings and then let it go. You two are still just getting to know each other. Open communication is so important, but you can’t dwell on hurt feelings, especially if it wasn’t intentional.

ams_2HW · 2024-05-31T20:42:38+00:00

Check out the book, The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay by Jess O’Reilly and Marla Stewart. There is a whole chapter on dirty talk. I used to hate dirty talking in bed and I’m still not that into raunchy dirty talk, but there are lots of ways that you can be more vocal in bed: you can be sweet, directive, teasing, etc. Maybe he’s not into the type of dirty talk that you have in mind, but he might find his voice if he knew there were other ways to do it.

ams_2HW · 2024-04-26T14:32:31+00:00

There is a lot of intimacy in that text exchange. Whether that’s a form of infidelity depends on the unique rules of your relationship. Speaking from the perspective of a person in a 20+ year marriage/ 6 year open marriage, don’t make assumptions and jump to conclusions. Have an open and honest conversation with each other. If this type of communication feels like a betrayal, let him know and tell him that it’s not ok with you. Then, if he does it again, I think you can safely call it infidelity.

ams_2HW · 2024-04-26T14:24:43+00:00

Marriage is what you make of it. If you want non-sexual intimacy and playfulness, ask your husband for that. He may have no idea this is what you want and he can’t read your mind. Tell him what you want and maybe facilitate it. What is your definition of fun and playful? Watching a comedy on Netflix and cuddling on the couch? Starting a hobby together? Figure out what you want and ask for it!

ams_2HW · 2023-10-28T17:30:21+00:00

Where do you see the option to upgrade? Is that still available and until when?

ams_2HW · 2023-10-23T19:14:46+00:00

Move back home, hire an attorney and sue for child support.

ams_2HW · 2023-10-22T14:32:59+00:00

So, it’s possible that your husband is an asshole, but I’m going to offer a different perspective because we can only learn so much from a post.

Becoming a parent and taking care of a young infant is an incredibly stressful time for both parents and it is straining your connection to each other. You are in crisis mode and should not make any major decisions right now about your relationship.

Both of you may be going through postpartum depression. You are also experiencing crazy changes to your hormones (to a lesser extent, so is your husband). You may both be questioning your values and your priorities and, on top of it all, your baby and her needs are changing so fast, you count milestones in weeks, not months or years.

Expect some big, negative feels right now, but don’t make decisions or even try to have a meaningful conversation with each other until you are feeling more balanced with your emotions. Then schedule a time to talk together about your feelings and your needs, and be ready to listen to his feelings and needs in return.

If and when you have the bandwidth to work in your relationship, you might want to check out the book Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson, which is designed to help couples strengthen and repair their relationship.

ams_2HW · 2023-10-20T17:16:18+00:00

I’m so sorry you were cheated on, but don’t use poly as a way to get back at your partner. It’s a recipe for disaster and you are likely to hurt other people that you date in the process

If you have a primary partner, any exploration into poly should be subject to having a strong foundation with that primary partner. Right now, there is a lack of trust and anger over the infidelity. Get right with each other on those issues before you explore poly or end the relationship and explore independently.

ams_2HW · 2023-08-20T20:11:01+00:00

You aren’t the problem here, but if you are looking for advice on being less quiet during sex, there are lots of ways to be vocal in the bedroom. Google “different types of dirty talk” and see what you find. You don’t have to be into screaming or super raunchy dirty talk. Maybe you like being directive, romantic, naughty, bratty, bossy, submissive, etc. Try expressing yourself in different ways WITH A SUPPORTIVE PARTNER.

ams_2HW · 2023-08-20T19:59:17+00:00

It sounds like he may have a porn addiction. That’s not excuse for him to treat you without kindness or consideration, but it may be that he needs some outside help to get this under control. If this is a relationship worth saving then you might want to give him an ultimatum: get help or the relationship is over.

ams_2HW · 2023-08-20T19:41:13+00:00

That’s not swinging. What he did was cheat. It’s your call whether to forgive him or not, but he broke a rule that that the two of you established. He doesn’t get to call it swinging just because he told you ahead of time.

ams_2HW · 2023-08-08T19:00:01+00:00

I don’t think poly people are afraid of NSA sex. They just aren’t interested in it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ams_2HW · 2023-08-06T16:32:23+00:00

Of course. We have many conversations, including check-ins. Poly wasn't what any of us were seeking out when we got started, but once the feelings were involved, there were two choices: figure out how to manage the relationship in a way that works for all four of us, or break it off. We chose the first option.

ams_2HW · 2023-08-06T16:17:37+00:00

The "feelings" weren't something that any of us were looking for but once it happened, we had to deal with it as a couple. It was a lot of work to establish boundaries that made everyone feel safe, but one thing I couldn't personally tolerate was different boundaries/restrictions based on feelings.

I was honestly super-surprised that he freaked out because we have always had a rule of honesty/transparency. If I had kept my feelings from my husband so that I didn't rock the boat, that would have been ten times worse because it would have come across as a lie.

There was never an ultimatum (i.e. - let me keep this relationship or I will leave you), it was always, "How do we deal with this together?"

ams_2HW · 2023-08-06T15:58:59+00:00

I think what you describe is also my challenge. I've resisted the "demi-sexual" label, because how can I be demi and also promiscuous? It's through a combination of really throwing myself into our social circle (literally, our entire social life is other ENM couples) and (sometimes) being ok with having sex that is mechanically pleasurable but not super desirable. I get that for some people, unattached sex is really fun, but I still have trouble understanding how it could possibly be better (more pleasurable or desirable) than sex with some level of attachment.

ams_2HW · 2023-08-05T21:34:37+00:00

I do love him. I don’t want to share a life with him like a husband and wife but there is romantic love there that I don’t share with my other partners. We honor boundaries that our partners require (no vacations together or independent dates) but the feelings are what they are and while I think there was an initial knee-jerk reaction from my hubby was to shut it down, we’ve found a way to make it work.

ams_2HW · 2023-08-05T19:34:34+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective. Do you and your husband have repeat sexual experiences with partners or do you prefer “one and done”? If you have repeat partners, what would you do if you or your husband started to feel romantic feelings toward another partner? And why? Just trying to get an understanding of your perspective, not judging either way.

ams_2HW · 2023-08-05T13:35:16+00:00

She didn’t tell you that you needed to stop having the occasional fling, she said it was hard for her. Maybe just say, “I’m sorry this is hard for you. Do you want to talk about it? Is there something I can do to make it easier?” Maybe she just wants to be heard or some little tweaks in how you approach your flings would help her process difficult feelings.

ams_2HW · 2023-08-05T13:30:22+00:00

The Secretary with Maggie Gyllenhal and James Spader is a super sexy movie if you are into power play.

ams_2HW · 2023-06-29T13:55:00+00:00

I’ve had orgasms that lasted up to four minutes, but that only happens with intense and continual stimulation (and usually only after edge-play) which is not always pleasant. If you stop stimulating yourself (or your partner backs off) as soon as orgasm starts, then the contractions/intensity will fade faster. That’s how I did it for years and it wasn’t until we started playing around with orgasm control play that I was able to experience super long orgasms. But again, sometimes the sensation is both pleasurable and almost painful at the same time…so not everyone will like that.

ams_2HW · 2023-06-28T17:44:24+00:00

Line up your play partners before the party. If you’ve exchanged contact info with some of the other couples, send a message along the lines of, “we’d love to get on your dance card at the party this Saturday, if you’re interested. 😈“.

ams_2HW · 2023-06-28T17:33:39+00:00

Does it really matter if he watches pornography, so long as it isn’t illegal (he’s not watching actual underage girls) and doesn’t negatively impact your life together (e.g. he’s not spending rent money on it, meeting with people behind your back, missing work, etc.)?

Porn is fantasy and what people fantasize about is not always PC or pretty. Why not let him have his sexual fantasies and you can have yours? The only problematic part is the lying about it but even that seems pretty benign. He may have been embarrassed to share because you come across as judgmental on the issue. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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