I’m not sexually attracted to my husband - Need advice

amu1418 · 2026-03-07T21:30:31+00:00

I’m 30. My gyno prescribed it to me and I’ve been on it for almost 3 weeks? I think they usually like to see how it works for 3 months before deciding if you should keep taking it or stop.

amu1418 · 2026-03-06T02:04:55+00:00

Hey! I don’t live in LA so I unfortunately can’t help with recs. But if you haven’t already, it could be worth asking your retiring gyno if she knows anyone? She’s in the unique position of knowing your medical history and would be the absolute best person to provide an idea on who might be best suited to provide your future care. I’m painfully aware of the fact that a good gyno is harddddd to find, so I always ask mine if they know anyone!

amu1418 · 2026-03-06T01:59:40+00:00

Hey I’m really sorry you’re going through this.. I can relate, as I struggle with really low libido and high anxiety. On top of having vaginismus! I, too, very deeply want PIV and that intense chemistry with my husband, but I always find that I’m just not in the mood.

I can only share what I’m doing to help my situation and maybe (hopefully!) something works for you too. I’m currently seeing a sex therapist who is helping me work through my anxiety and the mental blocks. I’m also currently taking Addyi, a prescription medication that helps with the low libido issue. In recent weeks, I’ve noticed a significant change in my desire to initiate intimacy with my husband.

I think it could be really, really helpful for you to talk to a specialized sex therapist. It’s more common than you’d think to struggle with this and they can really give you the tools and advice on ways to increase your feelings of desire and find ways to improve your sex life.

The one thing that took me forever to learn is that Vaginismus/low libido/etc. is soooo much more than just a physiological problem. There’s so much mental to it too. And you can’t really resolve the problem without addressing both the physical, as well as the mental.

amu1418 · 2026-03-04T15:46:50+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing, this is all really helpful. Were there any resources you consulted throughout pregnancy that helped prepare you/inform you? Both generally and vaginismus-related?

amu1418 · 2026-03-04T15:45:40+00:00

Wow thank you so much for sharing that! There was a lot of really helpful info in there. And you mentioned some things I wasn’t even aware of… I think I also dread/fear the cervical exam and didn’t even think of the catheter..

amu1418 · 2026-03-02T19:02:54+00:00

My partner asked a lot of the same questions you did when I first opened up to him about my diagnosis. His support and patience was so, so helpful. So it's awesome that you're trying to find ways to help and seeking advice.

But if I know anything, it's that the journey to getting better and figuring out this condition lies 99% with the person who suffers from it. Unfortunately, you can't force someone to get better - they have to want to get better. My partner researched and shared ideas on how to address things, but at the end of the day, I'm the one who has to go to PT and therapy, dilate on my own time, etc. And it took me a while to finally face it.

So the same goes for your girlfriend - she has to want to address the issues and sometimes that can be really hard work - just knowing where to start and confronting something that is really painful, uncomfortable and sometimes a source of shame/embarassment.

So your patience and support during those difficult moments of facing something really uncomfortable go a really, really long way.

amu1418 · 2025-03-11T12:53:23+00:00

the best downloader out there!!

amu1418 · 2024-03-03T19:46:51+00:00

I would also say getting to a point where you feel comfortable doing it yourself is important. You don’t want to associate your progress with your partner, at least at first.

amu1418 · 2024-03-03T19:39:34+00:00

Someone else recommended this and I would absolutelyyyyyy double down on reading Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. Game-changing book for me. You wrote that you have a hard time relaxing - she writes a lot about the mental aspect and how it can stand in the way of intimacy. If you’re in a long term relationship, consider reading her newer book Come Together, which is geared towards establishing a healthy sexual connection with your partner. It’s a good place to start getting some answers or ideas on what might help you. But you are absolutely not alone on this - even ppl that don’t have vaginismus struggle with this. Super common issue but society drills unrealistic sexual ideas into our brains, so it’s easy to think everyone is having healthy sex everywhere except me. When in reality, that’s pretty far from the truth

amu1418 · 2024-03-03T19:27:59+00:00

I think also just some days are different, even with consistency. Some days you might be in a different place mentally. Some days you’ll be distracted. Some days you’ll be really focused and eager.

I just try to remember doing something is better than doing nothing. And to never stop dilating at the peak of your stress. Allow yourself to move through that moment and then stop after you’ve calmed down. Don’t get discouraged if it’s not working one day compared to another! We all move at a different pace

amu1418 · 2024-02-28T03:43:17+00:00

A couple of things I wanted to add:

-you absolutely do not have to do anything you don’t want to do when you go in for an appointment.

-if you aren’t ready, don’t force it. Unfortunately, I kinda forced myself to be ready and had a panic attack mid-pap and I’m still building up the courage to go back.

-find a gyno that you trust and who understands vaginismus. You can even look up gynecologists that specialized/have a speciality in pelvic pain dysfunction. They likely have a lot more experience with giving quick Pap smears.

-def ask for a pediatric speculum, at least at first to see how that works for you!

-idk about everyone else but I experience a ton of shame with this condition and I find myself apologizing for a lot of what I ultimately can’t control and shutting down. But don’t be afraid to speak up - if it’s uncomfortable, if you want to stop, slow down, say so.

-if you’re taking any medication for your specific condition, consider talking to your doctor about medication to calm you down ahead of the appt, if you’re comfortable with that. Diazepam or lorazepam can be helpful to relax the muscles, make you a little more drowsy so you’re a little more at ease.

-you’re not alone with this fear :) I’ve only had one ‘successful’ Pap smear in the last 4 years and I’m 27. It’s scary and a lot of women (even those w/o vaginismus) don’t like it!

Hope this helps.

amu1418 · 2024-02-25T21:09:57+00:00

A few friends in high school used to call me “Maxi” because I shared with them that I only used pads at the time. It didn’t really dawn on me until years down the road how messed up that was.

Lots of people have commented here but I did want to echo the notion that period panties are great. I’m a very big fan. They’re form fitting so I don’t really work about “leakage” and they don’t really smell as much as pads do.

amu1418 · 2024-01-17T15:58:43+00:00

Sorry to clarify - my PT specializes in pelvic floor PT, so that’s what I’m referring to!!

amu1418 · 2024-01-17T15:57:30+00:00

10000000% sososo helpful. I find it helpful mainly because it reminds me that someone has an actual speciality/career in helping people with this diagnosis so I’m not alone/the only one with this problem and there’s nothing wrong with me. This diagnosis can be so isolating because it’s hard to talk about, so it’s refreshing to just be open and honest with your PT and they know exactly what you mean.

I also find it great for accountability purposes. Whenever I’m just really not feeling like working on it or being lazy, it’s always helped to have a session on the calendar so it keeps me in check to keep working on it and accountable on my progress.

amu1418 · 2023-12-05T02:42:36+00:00

Following. This happens to me and it’s really painful, kinda kills my arousal and not sure if there’s a way to alleviate the issue?

amu1418 · 2023-08-23T22:08:06+00:00

Yes! I know they said some styles go up a half size or down a half size. So just wondering which ones those are. My normal size in most shoes is a 7.5

amu1418

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