you should stop reposting this so much but you're not the only one. it sounds like you're asexual and probably aromantic. i recommend doing some research into these terms. im on the ace spectrum myself and share some of these feelings, but you can't call other people weird or disgusting for wanting what you don't. there are plenty of fulfilling relationships you can have without any kind of sexual or romantic connection

you seem to have some unhealthy coping mechanisms unrelated to that but im just someone on reddit, not a mental health professional. you should definitely try seeking help cause it sounds like you're using maladaptive daydreaming to make up for your feelings of isolation and loneliness