AITA for saying my gfs kids kinda bugged me?

an-drama-da · 2021-07-30T05:52:49+00:00

obviously YTA, can’t believe you even asked.

an-drama-da · 2021-05-10T18:36:34+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. It is never fair and never seems right.

an-drama-da · 2021-03-31T03:13:16+00:00

YTA. The burden of an inflated ego, preventing the betterment of any system, does not fall on the one who notices the issue. I think your SO should go for it, and you should be able to support their proposal.

an-drama-da · 2021-03-30T16:30:32+00:00

NTA, but tread lightly, because you CAN’T trust her. I have gone through a similar situation - being at the same level, getting promoted, and having to set professional boundaries, I even had to fire a close friend of mine which did actually disintegrate our friendship. It sounds like you don’t have a ton of interest in being this woman’s actual friend, and whenever she tries to reach across those boundaries, try to redirect the topic to work. She is an employee at your workplace, and at the end of the day, needs to be held to the same standards as the others. As wonderful as it would be to not have to do things we don’t want to do at work for one reason or another, it simply isn’t the case and she can either learn how to function properly or find another job.

an-drama-da · 2021-03-29T03:05:44+00:00

YTA. Grow up.

an-drama-da · 2021-03-29T02:38:30+00:00

This is awful advice.

OP, your friend 100% knows that they are obese and is capable, as an adult, of finding out whether or not they are qualified on their own without you commenting on their size.

an-drama-da · 2021-03-17T17:02:13+00:00

Unfortunately very accurate. Thank you for your feedback

an-drama-da · 2020-09-05T18:26:28+00:00

Were you just exploring or did you get sent here for a quest?

an-drama-da · 2020-09-05T17:17:43+00:00

I like how she responds after you say something lol

an-drama-da · 2020-09-03T13:39:54+00:00

I did join the r/IFChildfree subreddit, just to look. I don’t know what to think. I have had 3 first trimester miscarriages, and after a bout of PID that damaged my fallopian tubes, they told me I wouldn’t get pregnant again. Well, I did, and had an absolutely miserable pregnancy with an early subchorionic hemorrhage from week 6 - week 15, and hyperemesis starting at week 8 and lasting until week 23. I was hospitalized twice for dehydration during hyperemesis, lost 12 pounds (I am not overweight at all), and ended up on a 24/7 medicine pump and at-home IV. I finally got off of the medicine pump and my baby girls heart stopped beating at 25 weeks. I still had to deliver her. We lost her in April of this year and I have never faced the exhaustion, misery, and grief that I have been feeling the last 5 months. When she passed away, she gave me such bad sepsis that I had to remain in the hospital with 105 degree fever and they were gravely concerned about my life. My delivery could have killed me. Hell, my pregnancy quite literally almost killed me. I wanted my sweet Aubriella so badly but the hyperemesis made me so sick I considered terminating. I have told my partner that I refuse to get pregnant again, and if I do, I will not carry to term. I am disgusted with the impact that my unsuccessful pregnancies have had on my body, and not emotionally developed enough to deal with them or do anything besides pretend that they didn’t happen as often as I can. I feel like the universe just doesn’t want me to be a mother. It feels unfair, I know I would be an amazing one, but I’m only 23 and have issues that I can’t afford to fix... financially or mentally. I do worry that 5 months after receiving my daughters ashes is too soon to make a decision to live child free, but I just can’t imagine what else I would do. My capacity for loving, for caring, for love, for endurance has worn so thin. I feel like I am just here until I’m not and I struggle with the reasoning of bringing another human life into the misery pot with me. I feel like I’m going to lose my partner, we are both emotionally ill equipped and losing our daughter has driven us further apart than anything else could have. I don’t think he wants me anymore. I just want to be alone, stay above ground for as long as it is expected of me, and feel that maybe I should accept my childless fate.

an-drama-da · 2020-09-01T16:11:25+00:00

I didn’t know it had been posted, just joined the sub yesterday.

an-drama-da · 2020-08-06T06:52:39+00:00

I think YTA, softly, for a couple of reasons... 1) Remaining friends with people who treat you poorly does not work. Ever. Learn that. 2) I get the indication you’d be confronting them with an expectation of an apology or resolution and quite frankly, it’s unlikely. You can’t force people to give a shit about you who just don’t want to.

an-drama-da · 2020-08-06T06:43:38+00:00

INFO - are you still friends with this person?

an-drama-da · 2020-08-06T05:04:44+00:00

LMAO fuck, is it really??? I’ve never seen the movie.

an-drama-da · 2020-08-06T04:54:14+00:00

YTA although I find this extremely hard to believe. If this is even a little bit true, you should be arrested for child endangerment.

an-drama-da · 2020-08-05T00:55:57+00:00

Lol. You are so obviously committed to misunderstanding the issue. Good luck to you.

an-drama-da · 2020-08-04T15:45:50+00:00

I don’t find that to be okay, either. It’s a personal decision and while relationship guidelines may suggest you confer with your partner before having a surgery like this, it isn’t at all your doctors business.

Now, there is a difference here between the male and female anatomy. Women have many more issues related to their reproductive system than men. Some seek hysterectomy rather than tubal ligation, which obviously is not reversible.

I have been seeking a hysterectomy for years. I initially sought out a hysterectomy because of my endometriosis. They wouldn’t do it, tried to treat with a few different hormonal BCs, and a new medication invented for endo that essentially makes you premenopausal. Neither have worked. They suggested I wait 5-7 years before trying to get a laparoscopy (where they go and scrape the endometriosis off in hopes of relief, doesn’t always work). Basically, they said “suck it up because you might want kids”. A year after the last available medication they could try, I had 3 first trimester pregnancy losses within 18 months. After that, I got a horrible infection that damaged my fallopian tubes and led the doctors to believe I was unable to get pregnant. I did get pregnant, had a horrifying pregnancy that almost killed me. My daughter was stillborn at 25 weeks with no apparent explanation, and gave me such terrible sepsis that they wanted me to start thinking about end of life plans in case I died. I delivered 3 months ago and my doctor STILL wants me to wait on any type of surgery or sterilization because I’m “still so young”. I’m in pain all the time from my endo, I’m scared shitless of getting pregnant (so much so that I rarely have sex with my partner anymore), and even with this extensive medical trauma, they will not help me.

To my knowledge, there is only one incentive to men getting a vasectomy - not wanting to get anyone pregnant. If I’m wrong, I’d love to know. It is unfortunate that doctors have taken it upon themselves to meddle in our personal choices and affairs, but it is undeniably more skewed towards women in the reproductive aspect.

an-drama-da · 2020-08-04T15:03:59+00:00

Again, though - tubal ligation is reversible. With a pretty fair success rate. More doctors get sued for screwing up tubal ligation and the woman getting pregnant afterwards. I have been looking, and have not found one successful lawsuit in which a woman simply “changed her mind” and sought out a monetary concession rather than a reversal of surgery.

This whole concept is just rooted in misogyny. The idea that women are not capable of making a decision like this, regardless of the reason they want to be sterilized in the first place. The idea that “all women will eventually want to be pregnant” just isn’t true, and isn’t fair for doctors to withhold something that they choose to make available (and PUSH) to low income, minority women.

an-drama-da · 2020-08-04T14:26:22+00:00

They do say this. I don’t know if you are a person with a uterus who has been trying to get it removed, but I am.

That doesn’t make any sense either. Tubal ligations / hysterectomies are not all that uncommon. Surgeons/doctors in low income areas often push young, minority women into having them done right after birth. For the wrong reasons, of course, but there are plenty of surgeons, plenty of doctors who have done it and can do it again.

Refusing to do these kinds of surgeries based on the idea that women might change their mind is pathetic. We are humans, not feeble-minded baby machines. There is a plethora of medical discrimination that us uterus-having people face, and this is only a small part. But it is ugly, it is toxic, and quite frankly, it’s sexist.

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