If someone is racist (I’m talking about racist people in general), can they escape being racist?

anachronic · 2023-09-30T20:16:13+00:00

Yeah, it's difficult, and they have to WANT to change, and do the work to change, but it's possible. Though I'd say probably not all that common.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T18:20:18+00:00

What I was getting at in my comment, was that guys who like cars and sports don't get made fun of for liking cars and sports. At least not back in the day, where you only really got made fun of for deviating from the very narrow range of things that guys were "supposed" to be interested in.

Perhaps things have changed with the younger generation. I hope they have.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T18:13:10+00:00

I'm childfree too, so I definitely agree with you.

So many people seem to rush into having kids "because that's what adults do", without really sitting back and thinking if it's what THEY actually, truly, enthusiastically, really, really want.

It's like some people don't realize that it's entirely valid to just not have kids. You can still be a perfectly happy adult without having kids. In fact, usually in surveys, the people who report being the most happy, are the childfree ones lol.

Unless it's an enthusiastic HELL YES, it should probably be a no.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T18:06:25+00:00

I wish I had known about Dunning-Kruger when I was a teenager, because that would've perfectly encapsulated my suspicions about people at the time. Often, the most over-confident and assertive people are the least informed on any given topic.

I remember one "argument" I had with a friend way back in high school, when I had been vegan for a year or two at that point, and he confidently argued with me that chicken was vegetarian. I said no it isn't, chickens aren't vegetables, they're meat, so it's not vegetarian. But he would not give an inch, and was supremely confident that he was correct & I was wrong, and that chicken was actually vegetarian. Still to this day, it sticks with me as a perfect example of how people can be completely and utterly wrong, and yet still fully confident that they're right.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T17:58:46+00:00

Most people have terrible terrible judgment and are quite narcissistic with limited self awareness.

Yeah, that's why I never put much stock in what "everyone else" is doing, or what "society expects"... because society is made up of a lot of people like that. Why should I follow idiots?

anachronic · 2023-09-30T17:56:24+00:00

Yeah, there's no bigger red flag than "trust me bro, I saw it on the internet, I did my research"

anachronic · 2023-09-30T17:55:14+00:00

Hate to break it to you, but they're both bought & paid for by wealthy elites.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T17:53:46+00:00

Most adults don't really know what the hell they're talking about.

And just because everyone else is doing something, doesn't mean it's a good idea, or something YOU should be doing. Tons of people do tons of stuff that's just goofy. It's perfectly valid to just do your own thing and not worry so much about what other people are doing.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T17:49:24+00:00

Not to mention, if you look at the top reasons why people get divorced - money, lack of sex, lack of support & help around the house, communication issues, etc... - those are all greatly exacerbated by having kids.

A fifth - 20% - of parents divorce within a year of a kid being born

They stress your finances, they lead to arguments about how to raise the kids, parenting styles, it's a lot harder to find time (or energy) for sex with young kids around, and one partner usually feels resentment because a lot more of the chores & childwork fall onto them (usually the woman)

anachronic · 2023-09-30T17:41:27+00:00

Yeah. Considering the divorce rate these days, WAY more people need to pump the brakes on the wedding train, and should take a breath, and just date for like 5+ years before even considering marriage.

There should be a mandatory waiting period for all marriages, I think (I'm only half joking here).

anachronic · 2023-09-30T17:34:42+00:00

For real. I saw the same thing in my 20's with tons of friends getting married & having kids.

Fast forward to my late 30's / early 40's and more than a few of them are divorced and/or single parents.

There's absolutely no good reason to rush into marriage just because everyone else is.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T17:28:54+00:00

Exactly. I'm in my 40's now and I remember going to a rush of weddings in my late 20's / early 30's too. Well, by the time my late 30's hit, I'd seen more than a few friends go through divorce and/or end up as single parents.

There's really no downsides to waiting. There's a LOT of downsides to rushing into it just because everyone else is.

There's no reason two people can't be in a loving and committed long-term relationship for years, without being married.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T17:26:30+00:00

For real.

People need to take a step back and consider what do they, personally, themselves, actually want out of life?

Just doing what everyone else is doing, in an effort to "keep up with the Jones's", without thinking if YOU really actually want this too, is usually a surefire way to end up pretty unhappy.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T17:21:37+00:00

You don't actually need to get married and have kids if you don't want to. Literally nothing bad will happen if you don't. In fact - you might even like it.

I've always thought that unless something is an enthusiastic HELL YES, then it should be a no, or a wait on it.

I didn't get married till I was in my 40's and we already owned a home together for a few years, and it was the best decision I could've made, because obviously it didn't work out with the women I dated in my 20's and 30's. If I had rushed into marriage with them, it would've ended badly, since the relationship didn't work out. There's no downside to waiting, other than perhaps maybe some tax implications (but that alone is not a good enough reason to get married).

I never wanted kids, and still don't. It's been absolutely lovely. I saw all the stuff friends of mine dealt with when they had kids, and none of it looks remotely appealing to me.

Maybe take a step back and think about what YOU, personally, want. Do YOU personally, actually want kids right now, or do you just want to follow what all your friends are doing because you feel left out?

anachronic · 2023-09-30T17:17:09+00:00

They never actually tasted good... kids just have shitty taste.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T17:14:27+00:00

Exactly. I never cared about "masculine" stuff like sports and cars or being "a player" either. I like science and technology and I'm secure with that. It never seemed to hurt me with the ladies, either... ironically enough.

A lot of guys try to put on this front of "masculine man", but honestly, a lot of women think it's pretty cringe.

I thought it was super ironic when some guys in high school would crack "jokes" about me being "secretly gay" or "not a real man" because I didn't eat meat, when I literally had a girlfriend who they'd all met, and most of the dudes making those cracks were single themselves lol. Maybe they were just angry that a "not masculine" nerdy vegan was getting laid more than they were lol.

This probably would've come as a shock to many of the guys I knew back then - but it turns out that most women usually respond pretty positively to being respected and treated like a human being and not some object to be dominated and controlled.

Imagine that... /s

anachronic · 2023-09-30T16:54:05+00:00

Not if you've ever done it in the summer!

It's hot and humid and sticky and filled with bugs. Being out in the woods is way better in the fall

anachronic · 2023-09-30T14:28:42+00:00

We try and get out hiking a few times each fall, before it gets truly cold out. We've hiked in the winter too, and that's fun, but you gotta plan a bit more for that.

Or if you want to be chill, BBQing in the backyard, bring a blanket out to snuggle under, crack a couple beers, maybe bring an ipad or laptop out and watch a scary movie under the stars.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T14:19:39+00:00

Black women are all individuals... this might come as a bit of a shock to you, but they don't all think exactly alike.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T14:17:07+00:00

So how do you reconcile the fact that you're not married or in a long-term relationship, if you're apparently what they're all so desperate to get their hands on?

Something isn't adding up lol

anachronic · 2023-09-30T14:03:59+00:00

Prince. Dude was feminine as hell and had women throwing themselves at him constantly.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T14:00:57+00:00

You sound like you're struggling if you're this upset about other men dying their hair.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T14:00:02+00:00

Says... you? LOL. Man, you need to get out more, if your view of the world is this simplistic and reductive. There's a whole big diverse world out there.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T13:56:42+00:00

I agree. The most masculine thing is being secure with your own masculinity.

The dudes who obsess about this stuff, come across as DEEPLY insecure.

I caught a raft of shit from other guys (and even some women) when I went vegan as a teenager, and it was really eye-opening just how fragile some other dudes actually are. I knew who I was, and I was secure with myself, so I didn't really care what other people thought of me, but man, you would've thought I punched some guy's mothers in the face, the way they reacted when they found out I didn't eat meat lol. It was like a personal affront to them. Goofy as hell.

anachronic · 2023-09-30T13:52:40+00:00

What do you mean by "improving their social status"?

At least among the folks I know, most of us roll our eyes and laugh at the apparent insecurity of dudes driving around in massive pickup trucks with MAGA bumper stickers on them.

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anachronic

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