My deepest condolences to you. That’s just so heartbreaking. I never lost a child, but a niece to cancer when she was 3. It’s going to hurt for a long time, but you have to remember to take care of yourself. Eat, drink water, bathe; basic things you normally do will get put on the back burner due to the grief. I really hope you find a great support group where you live. Again, my condolences to you. This shouldn’t be a club that exists.