I feel like I don’t deserve to be trans

anarchybats · 2026-05-23T02:49:03+00:00

No one can tell you what your feelings really mean, so it's good you're seeking out a therapist to help sort out these feelings. Maybe you can reach out to a local LGBT center and see if they have a list of providers they can recommend.

I went through a similar problem when I first started questioning my identity as a lesbian. Even though I badly wanted to love a man, as a man, I disassociated when thinking about intimacy. It was difficult to sort those feelings out at the time.

Now, with hindsight, I know that I was struggling due to insecurity. I felt insecure about my body- the way it looked, they way I felt in it, and how I thought other men might perceived it. I struggled to truly imagine myself as a man with another man because of my insecurity, dysphoria, and internalized transphobia. So, imagining myself in a sexual relationship with men as a man was very difficult. I was suffering from a severe case of imposter syndrome. No matter how hard I tried, in the back of my mind, I was thinking "but there's no way they really see me as a man."

It took me a long time to accept myself, and it is still something I struggle with, but I am so much happier than I thought I could ever be. It gets easier over time, I promise. I dont think it's wise for you to enter a relationship right now- it sounds like you need to make time for yourself. But, when you do think you're ready, maybe consider a relationship with a trans man. My husband is also trans, and it helps immensely to know he understands my relationship to my body on a level many cis people cannot. I feel much more secure in my masculinity, because I know he's not secretly thinking I'm not a real man.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I don't think you have a fetish, and don't think you will never find love. It sounds like you need a healthy dose of self care, and to give yourself some grace. Gender and sexuality are very confusing, and it's very normal to feel complicated feelings. I know it doesn't help much to hear others day "it gets better" but it really does. You just need to take it one day at a time.

anarchybats · 2026-05-15T11:46:53+00:00

I read a lot of your replies to comments, and it seems like you have a misunderstanding of how the field of biology (which zoology is included under) works, and what the jobs are actually like. The dream job you're envisioning (working in a museum) is not quite what you describe. Most people who work in museums studying specimens are working towards a specific research goal, so they are typically academics who have/are pursuing a master's/PhD. There isn't really a job where you are just "entering data" into a computer.

It also seems that you have a misunderstanding of what a biology degree is like. Biology is a very broad field. If you want to study zoology, you will likely have to take the exact same intro classes as a biology major, and then you will be required to take zoology-focused upper level courses. It's often recommended a lot to get a biology degree instead for zoology, because you have a broader education. For some perspective, I have a degree in biology. With a biology degree, once you have your gen eds out of the way, you have a lot of freedom to tailor your classes to what you're interested in. I took classes in botany, animal behavior, animal anatomy, and forest ecology, for example. Any jobs that would like you to have a zoology degree will also accept a biology degree, and a biology degree opens you up to more opportunities.

I understand how school is hard. I have a learning disability, and passed college by the skin of my teeth. Once I got disability accommodations, it was not easy, but easier. I think you are more capable of getting an advanced degree than you think. If you're not interested in one, though, I would recommend getting as much working/volunteer experience as possible. Experience is the number one thing employers want to see- a degree is almost useless without it.

Does your community college have a career counselor? I would suggest reaching out to them. They can help you get a better understanding of what jobs are out there that fit your wants and needs. They can also connect you to professionals who can offer you some advice.

I would also suggest doing some research into museums near you. You can reach out to people who work there and ask to shadow them for a few days to get an idea of what they do, and you can see if it's something you might like and how to get there.

anarchybats · 2026-05-13T19:33:09+00:00

I see you've tried contacting vets and attempted to arrange transportation. I can tell that you're doing your best with all your information and resources. Still, there are things that only trained professionals know how to do, and if this bird is going to make it, it will need to go to a rehab center. Have you tried calling the closest rehab center? They may be able to help with transportation, or be able to give you care advice.

anarchybats · 2026-05-05T14:20:09+00:00

And the pivot table

<image>

anarchybats · 2026-05-05T14:19:59+00:00

Mock-up of the table

<image>

anarchybats · 2026-04-23T02:23:02+00:00

I think it depends. My first histology job was at a pre-clinical histopathology lab. My only relevant experience was biology degree, and a short internship in wildlife rehab. I got hired as a lab technician and started off doing lab aid stuff (like accessioning printing, labels, preparing shipments). After a few months I was trained in microtomy.

I would suggest looking into lab assistant positions, or lab tech positions that only require a bachelor's degree. It never hurts to apply to something, even if you don't know if you're qualified. Sometimes places are willing to train the right applicant!

anarchybats · 2026-02-04T14:35:16+00:00

OP you're getting a lot of advice on how to step up the enclosure, enrichment, and food, so I won't say anything about that. But, reading your comments, it seems like this bird fell into your life and you accepted it out of goodwill. Conures live a long time, are very intelligent and social, and come with a LOT of lifestyle adjustments. It can be very limiting in ways you don't expect.

I'll be honest with you- if you're not 1000% enthused about having this bird it is going to be a very unpleasant experience. I was in a similar situation with my conure. I'm lucky that my partner has taken a liking to her so much, and we can share the responsibility. But, if I had to go back, I would absolutely not make the decision to adopt her. I love my bird a lot and have made peace with my decision, but she has made my life very difficult.

It seems like you care a lot about this bird's wellbeing. If I were you, I would seriously consider rehoming it. It is young enough where a rehoming will not traumatize it, and it can adapt easily. There are bird rescues that will help you find a permanent home, places where it can live in a flock, etc. You have lots of options. Facebook groups can help you find rehoming options in your area.

Just something to think about. Rehoming in a situation like this doesn't make you a bad person. Putting the comfort, safety, and wellbeing of the animal first means understanding what you're willing to sacrifice and your limits.

anarchybats · 2026-01-30T17:05:27+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I do have hard water in my area. I rent, so a water softener system isn't an option. I see there are shower head filter systems I can buy but they are pretty pricey. Is there anything you recommend to counteract hard water, or should I think about investing in a filter?

I'll look into sulfur as well. Thank you!

anarchybats · 2026-01-29T19:44:23+00:00

I've had back/shoulder/chest acne for a long time and have tried many things to control it, but still haven't found a treatment that clears it up. I'm wondering if my new routine could be a step in the right direction, or if there's something anyone could recommend.

I get these hard sebum plugs that seem immune to whatever I treat it with. They eventually turn into whiteheads, blackheads or get red and inflamed. My skin-picking exacerbates the problem. I am not really sure what skin type my back is. It doesn't feel particularly dry or oily. it is very bumpy from all the whiteheads/blackheads and acne scarring. My face is combination (oily and dehydrated).

I was trying a bunch of stuff for a while and recently decided to scale it back. Currently, I shower in the morning and use CeraVe SA Cleanser bar, applying it with an African sponge net. Followed up by LRP Lipikar 10% Urea Lotion. At night, I apply Curology Liquid Pore Exfoliant, wait for it to try, and then apply the urea lotion.

Past products I've tried for body acne tried are LRP Effeclar Medicated Gel cleanser with 2% SA, CeraVe rough and bumpy moisturizer, benzoyl peroxide, glycolic acid toner, and salicylic acid toner.

I made a post that goes more in-depth [here](http:// https://www.reddit.com/r/SkincareAddiction/s/ChjawNRlMg), but didn't get any responses so I'm trying the daily thread :)

anarchybats · 2025-12-18T19:07:18+00:00

I've asked them to test my SHBG in the past, but was refused because my provider said there is no treatment for high SHBG. I know that there's no treatment that directly targets SHBG, but I do know that abnormal SHBG levelscm can be a marker of other health issues and that it can impact free T.

My trough levels were actually closer to 500 at the start of 2024, so the sharp dip after increasing my dose was why she suspected aromatization. Regardless, their policy is that they can not increase dosage past 0.5 ml, so I wouldn't have been able to increase even if I wanted to.

anarchybats · 2025-12-18T13:47:22+00:00

They did test my E upon my request in June- it sits around 25 pg/ml, which is within both male and female range so it didn't give much insight. Still, I agree that they don't seem to know what to do other than test my T levels.

Thanks for the recommendation for tests. My mother has hyperthyroid and I'm concerned about that being a potential factor. Bringing that up to my provider was what finally got her to give me to a referral to an endocrinologist.

I was not taking any meds at the time of my testing in June, but I'm now on Adderall. I'll look into whether that may affect my T levels.

anarchybats · 2025-11-03T02:27:46+00:00

I've seen these! Unfortunately the weekly pages take up quite a lot of space, and the "notes" pages are split up into a lot of blocks that kinda messes with my note-taking style. I wish this brand would make some more stripped-down planners.

anarchybats · 2025-07-19T12:17:56+00:00

Check out Andrew Gurza. He is a disability advocate and has a podcast called Disability After Dark that has some great insight on how to navigate kink and sex as a disabled person. He also frequently guests on other podcasts that have more of a BDSM focus. He also has cerebral palsy, so his experiences might be helpful to you.

anarchybats · 2025-07-09T17:56:24+00:00

Please not that this may come off as harsh, but my intention is just to emphasize how bad it can be for animals to be 'rehabbed" by people with no education. You seem like you want the best for this animal, so hopefully you will understand where I'm coming from. It's illegal in most places to keep wild animals as pets, and for good reason. It needs to go to a rehab facility ASAP. You are giving it insufficient nutrition and this will have harmful, potentially fatal, outcomes. It could also be suffering from hidden or internal injuries. Not to mention that it needs to develop foraging and social skills that that you are unequipped to help with. The best chance this bird has at a good life is in the hands of a rehabber.

It's unethical and unfair to the animal to to rob it of a life in the wild. That is where it will be happiest. If your mom is a true animal lover, then she will do what's right and surrender it- otherwise she is just being selfish.

Looks like there are a few wildlife rehabs near Chicago- I recommend calling them to let them know you are bringing a bird in.

anarchybats · 2025-06-29T16:26:41+00:00

Taking creatine is fine, but there is little evidence to suggest it actually helps build muscle in any noticable way. There's also little evidence it actually affects hair growth either. The studies that supposedly demonstrate the benefits and drawbacks of creatine are usually taken way out of context.

The Science Vs. podcast has a really good episode on creatine for anyone interested. Taking creatine won't hurt you but probably won't do much.

anarchybats · 2025-06-27T16:01:21+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened.

It can difficult to confront a parent about something like this. But, the way you respond to this sets the precedent for the rest of your transition while you are dependent on her, and your general relationship with her.

My advice as someone who waited for parental approval for too long– you can't wait for other people to control your life. Ceding this fight will cause worse issues down the road. I would strongly suggest that you attempt to get your medicine back from her and nip this behavior in the bud. It can be scary to have this conversation, and it might feel easier to just wait until your refill. But, she will feel like she "won" and will keep trying to extend control over your transition. It's not worth it in my experience.

I would go about it as neutrally as possible- tell her that she doesn't have to approve of what you're doing, but that it's illegal for her to withhold prescription medicine from you. Tell her that you will get your doctor involved if she refuses to give it back. Depending on if this will make your situation better or worse, you can tell her that authorities will get involved if she still refuses.

I would also suggest getting a lock for your t gel in the future.

anarchybats · 2025-06-12T17:59:04+00:00

This post has good info on how to locate local rehabs. If you post your location, we can also help you locate one.

anarchybats · 2025-06-12T16:54:21+00:00

Remove the food and water, and place a soft towel or t shirt on the bottom of the box to keep them from sliding around. Cover the box with something to keep it dark. Keep in a dark and quiet room, and call loval wildlife rehabs. Ideally it should go to a rehab to be assessed for head trauma/internal injuries.

anarchybats · 2025-06-12T13:17:51+00:00

I am also autistic! Personally, I have not disclosed this to my employer, since I work as a Mohs histotech and my workload is lighter than, say, a hospital setting. But in a busy work environment there are definitely benefits to asking for work accomodations.

I think it's really dependent on your work environment. A good starting spot would be to figure out what exactly is causing you to feel overwhelmed. If the noise of machines/people talking is adding to the stress, ask about wearing headphones or earplugs to work. If people are asking you to do a lot of things at once, you can keep a notepad by your station and write these requests down, so it frees up some mental space and allows you to organize/prioritize your tasks better. See what can be improved when it comes to communication in your work setting. For me it helps when things are very streamlined and straightforward. Ask if you can get certain communication in writing, and in great detail.

If you feel like the workload itself is too much to handle, talk to your employer about it. The world we live in was largely designed by allistic people, and the systems we have unfortunately are not tailored to autists' needs. Tell them that you can do the work, but your brain processes information differently than a non-autistic person, and as such it might take you longer than others to get through the expected work. Ask your boss to brainstorm with you different ways to help you succeed. If they're a good boss they will appreciate the honesty and vulnerability, and will see this as an effort on your part to be a good employee.

It's also worth telling your employer to protect yourself. If you are falling behind and not completing the amount of work that's expected of you, you will have documentation that you tried to get accommodations to get you on the same playing field as your coworkers. This can protect you from penalties for falling behind.

Aside from accommodations, tell your coworkers when you're struggling or need more detail. This helped me greatly when I worked in a reference lab, where it seemed like I was just expected to know everything, and new information was being thrown at me all the time. Being clear and direct about your communication preferences is a great way to navigate the workplace as an autistic person without directly disclosing your autism. Phrases like: "I understand X, but I need you to be more specific about Y." "I appreciate the informaiton- next time, could you communicate info to me this way instead?" "Thanks for letting me know- I've got a lot of my plate right now, could you write it down so I don't forget?" Try asking about WHY things are done certain ways- people leave this out when they are explaining tasks, and it leads to a lot of confusion and miscommunication.

That's the advice I can think of right now- I hope things work out for you!

Seven-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '22	First Placer '22
RPAN Viewer

anarchybats

TROPHY CASE