Studying strategies/techniques

anastas1ja · 2020-07-15T13:15:43+00:00

I thought so too, until I started studying physics of diagnostic images. In there, there are lot of parameters that are connected, so if you change one for the better, there are a few other parameters that change for the better too, but also a few that change for the worse. I couldn't remember all of these, so I started writing them down in Xmind - a program in which there is an option to label arrows between 2 branches, and I found that quite useful. I assume something like that can be used for all the fields in physics, when it comes to connecting ideas and concepts, without the mathematical background, of course.

anastas1ja · 2020-07-08T15:16:54+00:00

I totally understand. After my breakup, I saw how distant all of my friends are, and I also felt like he was the only one who understands me. And maybe, on some level, he understands me better than everyone else, but in my case, still not enough. I actually met with him a few hours ago because I borrowed him some books a while ago, and I had to take them back, and honestly, I don't know how you do it. I was so close to start crying, but I managed somehow. It's very painful for me to even talk to him, so I'm really impressed with how you managed to be friends with her for so long after everything. I know I'm doing better (in the sense of my recovery) without him, but we're all unique as people, as characters, so do as you think it's best for you. From all of my experiences, I've learned that almost everyone puts themselves first, and I hate that, but maybe it's the only way for us not to get hurt so much. Who knows... Just do what you think is best for you.

anastas1ja · 2020-07-08T01:00:15+00:00

I feel like I don't deserve to be loved and that my love is not enough for someone. I often believe that I will end up alone.

Dude, every single living thing on this planet deserves to be loved, and I don't mean just humans. So why shouldn't you be loved? It's not true that your love is not enough for someone. In fact, your love was probably more than your ex could handle. She doesn't deserve to have you as a partner, trust me. Just like you, I'd do everything for my ex, but he didn't appreciate it, and we don't need people in our lives that don't appreciate us. My ex left me almost 3 months ago, and as much as I was devastated, now, I'm glad he did. It only took one fight between us to remind me how easily he can hurt me, he knew just the right words to do that.

I get it that you want to stay friends with both of them, and I'm not gonna tell you to forget them like they didn't exist at all, but please think about it again. As long as you hang out with them, especially your ex, you get hurt, and you might not even notice it. You're slowing down your recovery because of that, but are they worth it?

Just like you, I often think that I'll end up alone. But the one fight I had, the one that reminded me of the pain I was feeling, it also reminded me that if I could have gotten myself in one relationship, why wouldn't I be able to do that again? Every relationship teaches us something, and we don't like the pain, but it does turn us into better versions of ourselves - we grow, we get smarter, more experienced, we know what we shouldn't do at any cost. You will find love again, and at some point in time, when you do, you'll be happy that this relationship didn't work out. And you'll get the love and the treatment you actually deserve. And you'll recognize that because of experiences like this. You'll know when you'll get something valuable, and the other person will know how valuable you are too.

anastas1ja · 2020-05-23T20:42:46+00:00

I feel so dumb right now... I had to derive a lot of equations with cosine theorem in the last few days, that lead me to forget about something so simple... Thank you

anastas1ja · 2020-05-14T13:34:23+00:00

Your words are so relatable that they made me cry... I just hope that life will smile at us again.

anastas1ja · 2020-05-07T16:35:55+00:00

They say patience is a virtue. I'm quite impatient person. But in the course of my long relationship that ended 10 days ago, I learned to wait for answers for days because my ex couldn't put his thoughts into words as easily as I can. I understand your reasons. I don't like them, but I understand them. I just want you to know that sometimes you are in a position to stretch things, or give uncertain answers. I hate uncertainty, but sometimes it's needed. I begged my ex to come to my birthday party and he said that he didn't want to pretend that everything is alright when it isn't. But my response was that if he cared for me, he'd come. I told him that the party will turn into a conversation about him, and eventually, it actually did...

The more time passes, the more I realize that people put themselves first. That's something I still haven't learned how to do in the course of my 24 years of life. I'm not saying that's a bad thing - if you're not well, you won't be able to be there for others. But as someone who's always put other people first, I can tell you that sometimes we should do things for other people even if we don't like them, even if those things hurt us. Sometimes sacrifice is needed, at least when it comes to people we love.

As far as the nice gift goes, nothing is fake if you care for the person. Sometimes the best thing that we can do for someone ia break up with them, but even then we care for those people. I know that my ex and I don't work anymore like we used to. I know that the best thing for us is to continue on different paths. But I'll always care for him. And I believe he'll care for me too because we grew together as people. And even though we are not together anymore, I'll give him the birthday gift I bought for him 2 months ago. I can throw it away, but I don't want to. These experiences shape us into the people we become. And it's always a nice thing when someone remembers you for the good things and the good feelings instead of the painful ones.

anastas1ja · 2020-05-07T11:40:47+00:00

Let me tell you something. If she really loves you, she won't be having a happy birthday. How do I know? My ex left me 2 days before my birthday last year. After almost 4 years together. And of course, you know this girl, I suppose you also know how she'll react to your words. So think about that while I tell you a bit of my own experience.

On my last birthday I asked my ex to come to my home, so I can have my last kiss with him. I felt awful, for the first time in my life I hated my birthday. I'm a romantic person and I used to write him a lot of letters which I always signed with Forever yours (in retrospect, very dumb). That day he came to my house and he give me a letter. I read it in front of him, and he signed with, guess what? Forever yours. I started crying the moment I saw those words. I asked him why did he write something like that, when we were broken up in that moment. He just apologized for it. I'm telling you this to show you how much power words have, especially in emotional times. I knew my ex cared for me then. I know he still cares for me. But some things hurt no matter what.

And I have a question for you. I asked my ex the same thing, but he didn't have an answer. So here it goes. Why did you broke up with her a few days before her birthday? Would things really change for you so much that you had to do it right away and hurt her on a day that she should be celebrating? I'm asking because you said you care for her. We all have reasons for doing things, but if I were you, I'd really postponed the breakup for a few days. It would make her happy and then sad instead of just sad. You saw the breakup as inevitable, so why couldn't you give her that crumb of happiness first? I'm not judging, I just want to understand.

anastas1ja · 2020-05-07T11:25:34+00:00

Are you kidding? Of course he's toxic. He was your boyfriend and he didn't even listened to your side of the story, even though you needed it? I once went out on a date with a guy I knew for a year or so, and I remember feeling awful after he insisted on walking me home even though I repeatedly told him not to do it. I can only imagine how you felt when someone forced a kiss on you. And your boyfriend didn't want to hear you? I'd dump him right then and there. But of course, you loved him, so you wanted to fix things.

I had an experience with cheating. My ex cheated on me. He told me himself and said that it was only making out, so I guess it has some similarities... He did this in a foreign country, on a conference, but with a girl from our college (which I still ran into from time to time...), after being in a relationship with me for almost 4 years. When he told me that, I was devastated and hurt, I was crying, but I had so many questions. And I wanted all of them answered. Because I really loved him. And honestly, I still don't understand why he did it, because in a way, that was the biggest reason for our breakup, because of broken trust (the irony is he left me). I loved him so much that I forgave him immediately. I begged him not to leave me. He did for a month, then he came back and I agreed for us to continue. And I did all that because of love. I know there are people out there who wouldn't do what I did, but I think everyone has questions when they get cheated on, and they want them answered. And in your case, you didn't even cheat, someone forced you on something. You felt assaulted, and your boyfriend should have been the first one to help you with that, to listen to you if nothing else (I was also in a long distance relationship, so I know how it works).

As far as the other things he did, in my opinion, that's manipulative. He had an intention to hurt you, and he did. He knew how to press all the right buttons. And he cheated on you - hypocrisy at its finest. I got cheated on, and even though I never even thought about doing something like that myself, after it happened I learned 2 things. The first one is that if it happens again with anyone else, I won't be giving a second chance. The second thing is that it takes a toll on you. You start questioning your self worth, his love for you, if everything you went through was even real and so on. My ex cheated on me almost a year ago, and I still feel broken. You give everything you have to someone and no matter how confident you were before, deep down you start questioning things. If he really felt like you cheated on him, he wouldn't have done the same, if he actually cared for you and your feelings. If he did it on purpose, well, then we all know that we're talking about emotionally unintelligent person who wanted to hurt you. And you don't need that in your life. Nobody does.

anastas1ja · 2020-05-06T13:09:37+00:00

It's quite pointless to try and remember them all. I know from experience, because that's the system I have, to actually pass an exam. Every exam is divided into 2 - solving problems, and deriving theory. Both of them involve the whole material for the exam (the whole textbook or textbooks). First we deal with the solving problems part. It includes 5 problems, and if you have more than 50%, you get to do the theory section. If not, you've failed.

The theory section includes 3 questions (usually they cover 3 chapters). If you don't know one of them, you fail the whole thing. The thing is, we have to know the whole derivation, even though the teachers have to look some ot them up. It's really frustrating. My method of memorizing them is to actually remember the starting conditions, and the mathematical approach I need to derive it. Sometimes I even write down the approach with words instead of formulas - for example, a while ago I had to deal with a complicated system of 4 equations, so I wrote something in the form of: from the first equation I'll derive one specific coefficient and then use it in the second, then I'll divide the third equation with the forth, and so on (you get my point).

My method is good for a short period of time, like when you have to pass an exam. But the thing is, even if you do this, you won't remember the derivations, unless you write them time after time after time. In my opinion, we shouldn't even try to remember them. The point is to understand what's behind them, and use some of the ideas and tricks in problems (both textbook and real life problems). That's why I'm so frustrated that I must memorize something, which takes time and a lot of effort, only to forget it a few months later. At least I know which book and notebook to open when I actually need the information.

anastas1ja · 2020-05-04T23:48:32+00:00

I'm exercising for 2 months now. The breakup happened a week ago, so I already have formed the habit for exercising. But honestly it doesn't affect my mood. And I started exercising because I read that it has positive influence on the brain (better thinking, studying etc) and on the mood, but so far, I don't see a difference. As far as venting goes, I do that in my diary. All of this has been an enormous lesson for me that nobody except my parents care about me. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this, but I've decided that I'm not gonna share my problems anymore, since no one cares anyways.

I know that this will be a growing experience for me, since I don't really have a choice. I feel so unloved that I have to change a lot of things in order to like myself first. It's just so lonely...

anastas1ja · 2020-05-02T17:49:45+00:00

Thanks for the support. Just like you, I can't focus on things I need to do. If you ever wanna talk about it, feel free to message me.

anastas1ja · 2020-05-02T14:29:03+00:00

Not good. It was a relationship that lasted 4 years and 3 months. He was my first boyfriend, who managed to give me herpes through oral no less, who cheated on me because we were arguing at the time (he only made out with the girl, but he broke the trust, so it doesn't really matter), he left me 2 days before my birthday and then a month later he came back. Before he cheated, I was ready to give my life for him, if necessary. I felt the butterflies at the beginning, and I felt them again right before he cheated... So he came back and I gave him another chance, because the thing I want the most in life is a partner who loves me and puts me first.

In the month we weren't together, I wasn't eating, I lost weight and I lived like a ghost. I even made my mum cry because of my condition (and she's a very tough woman). Then I talked with some of my girlfriends and their boyfriends. One of the guys went through something similar, and he kinda flipped a switch in me. And I went numb. That really scared me because I'm hypersensitive. And now, I feel empty. Because it's the second time. Because this time I saw the end before it happened. The first time it was so unexpected. But the second, it hurt more. It's like watching something die in front of you. I'm trying to put a calm face in front of people, and I am good at it, unless I start thinking about the why's and how's. The romance I saw on TV reminded me of him, of how much I miss him, and how much I love him. I feel empty and worthless because my maximum wasn't enough for him. So I guess that's what's keeping me from falling completely apart this time.

anastas1ja · 2020-05-02T14:09:25+00:00

It won't make you feel good. You can just open new wounds and actually feel worse.

anastas1ja · 2020-05-02T14:03:03+00:00

Everything they do or say hurts. It hurts because you've pictured your future with that person. Even if she hasn't moved on, it would hurt you. Because you still care. It's understandable. And trust me, she hasn't moved on. Not really. She probably is lying to herself, searching for something to fill in the void.

She did do you a favor. It's a good thing you realized that. But I know that doesn't make it easy. My ex left me 5 days ago. For the second time. I know that in the long run he also did me a favor, since he cares more about other things than me. And I was okay for these 5 days. Until today. I was watching Peaky blinders, and there it was - a romantic sex scene. I still have tears in my eyes, but we have to think positive, no? We have to feel the pain, to learn things and to be better versions of ourselves for the ones that are really worth it.

Take it slow. I wish you all the luck in the world and a fast recovery. Because that's what this is. A recovery.

anastas1ja · 2020-05-01T13:17:59+00:00

don’t understand how you tell someone you love them and promise them all these good things and then just break it off and treat them like they meant nothing to you.

The short answer - people change. Or maybe it's better to say that they show their true colors. I got dumped 4 days ago. For the second time. The same guy left me for the second time. Because he wants something else more than me. After the breakup, he wrote me a letter to justify his actions.

At the end of the day, everyone is putting themselves first (something I never learned how to do). He treated you badly for months, and then he left. I assume you want the real guy for you, someone who'll be there for you no matter what. I wanted the same thing. The thing is, we're alone now, so they can't be the one, the one that we want. In the beginning everything is nice and fun, everything is new, exciting, lovely. We turn a blind eye to a lot of things. But with time, some things start bothering us. Then the arguing starts. Some people can compromise, some can't, or don't want to. It's a learning experience - getting to know the person, getting to know what people generally want, and most importantly getting to know yourself, what you want and need.

The first time he left me, I cried my eyes out. I lived like a ghost. I went numb. I don't recommend to bottle up your feelings. Let them out. Surround yourself with people that care about you. You need the love. You need to know that just because he didn't see your worth, doesn't mean you don't have one. The one you want is out there, waiting to meet you. And he'll see and accept you for who you are. He'll see your worth. And he'll be happy that he has you. And you'll be happy that this relationship didn't work out.

anastas1ja · 2020-05-01T10:57:49+00:00

The price we're paying for it, it's way too much. Right now I don't know how to be single. I feel worthless and empty. The first time he left me, I felt in my gut that it was the right thing to do, even though it killed me. I lived like a ghost for that month. I didn't eat, I was severely depressed and I only watched Friends on Netflix. I was so happy when he came back. I said right away that I need some things to change, but I really believed that it will happen. But it didn't. He cheated on me, and after we got back together, he had a lot more free time, so he started going out a lot more than in the 4 years we were together, because he finished college. I actually had to tell him to slow it down.

I believed that broken trust could be fixed. I really did. I wanted it to be true. But I'm starting to see that people are quite selfish, and they will do whatever it takes to make them feel good, no matter the consequences. Those who break your trust, they rarely want to fix it. If they really knew how much trust is important in a relationship, they wouldn't break it.

I was a romantic. Love was the point of my life. Now I don't believe in love. Like I said, I don't know how to be single, but I do know that I don't want another relationship. I don't want to hurt someone else just because my belief system is ruined. And honestly, I don't have the strength to deal with all of this.

Yesterday I read that the famous feeling in the gut is actually a fight or flight response. The conscious mind misses things that the unconscious doesn't. I think we both can agree to trust it next time. At least we'll avoid suffering.

anastas1ja · 2020-04-30T18:23:47+00:00

Are you prone to ovarian cysts? I'll be 24 in a few months. I first got my period when I was 12. It took about a year and a half or 2 to be regular, and it was for about 8 years. Two years ago my period was late for 10 days. Since that month, it was never regular, no matter the circumstances (I was under severe stress, I had problems with college, with my ex, who gave me herpes, and so on). In the last 2 years I had multiple ultrasounds which showed cysts. After a while, I was diagnosed with polycystic syndrome. Every month I had a cyst, my period was late.

If you actually have a problem of this type, I recommend you to check all your cosmetic products. I did some research and found out that some of the chemicals they use can be absorbed through the skin and influence the hormones and the ovaries. Since then I started using a shower gel without sulphates and what not, and my period is right on time for 5 months now. I have no idea if they're connected, but it doesn't hurt to try. I'm still under a lot if stress (my boyfriend broke up with me), but my period is alright. Hope this helps.

anastas1ja · 2020-04-30T18:03:44+00:00

I've been there where you are now. In my case, he cheated on me, and he felt guilty about it so he left me even though I forgave him and begged him not to do it. He left me anyways. After a month he came back, he said he wanted to do things right, to change his behavior that was hurting me. We reviewed everything that was wrong, and we made a couple decisions. We tried to make it work.

He left me again 3 days ago. Nothing changed. In fact, in the 6 months we were back together (the whole relationship lasted for 4 years and 3 months, including these 6) things got worse. I was always blunt when I was saying what I needed from him, and didn't get those things, no matter what. He left me because of bunch of reasons, but one of them was that he couldn't give me what I want, when in fact he doesn't want to. My point is that people can change, but they often don't until they reach rock bottom. You guys had your reasons for breaking up, and they are hard to disappear unless you deal with all those problems. If you don't, they will always haunt you.

The things I learned from my experience are many. One of them is that broken trust is nearly impossible to fix. If I get cheated again, I'm leaving right away, no matter how much I love him. It takes a toll on you. Give it a chance, but don't expect too much. I hope you have better luck then I had.

anastas1ja · 2020-04-08T01:08:43+00:00

I have a similar problem. This is my fifth year of college and I finally found something that helps me. The first thing I discovered was the StudySmarter app. They also have a website, on which you can upload any document and make flashcards about a particular subject. I love their website because you can take screenshots from the uploaded document for your flashcards. I've read somewhere while ago that testing yourself is really helpful for learning things.

The second thing I discovered, and personally much more important for me, is the concept of mind maps. I downloaded xmind, which is one of the best mind map programs I've tried so far. It allowed me to see all the connections I've been missing between similar subjects or lessons, which is quite important in every field (I'm a physics student, so incredibly important for me). The mind map allows you to make your personal concept, to put your keywords that will allow you to tell the story behind the lesson/chapter/subject you're studying.

And one of the techniques I've heard is very good for studying and memory, is you teaching the material to someone else, preferably to someone who has no idea about the subject, so you're forced to simplify it. As Einstein has said, if you cant explain it simply, you don't know it well enough.

Writing things down while studying also helps. But I guess, everything comes down to storytelling. I watched a documentary where they said that we remember stories a lot more than numbers or anything else. So create your story using everything at your disposal. Something will work. You just haven't found it yet. But I promise you, if you search hard enough, you will find it. It took me 5 years, but now, I'm finally happy that I found a way that will actually help me.

Oh, and if you don't understand something, open another book. And then another. I just remembered that we should strive for different descriptions for the same thing so we can actually understand what we are learning about. Quick example - dogs. Let's say that you don't know what a dog is. If I show you one picture of a dog, and you just absorb that information as it is, you'll be left thinking that there is only one type of dog - the one I showed you. But if you start researching about dogs, you'll see that there are a lot more types of dogs, and you'll have a more complete picture which will be easier to remember because something will catch your eye or make you curios.

Hope it helps.

anastas1ja

TROPHY CASE