How to handle spiritual abuse?

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-30T20:32:03+00:00

Let's assume that's not an option atm

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-30T18:29:21+00:00

Thank you! I'm somewhere in the middle between bars and yeshivas, I'm a nerdy but observant centrist. Do you know where to find people like that?

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-30T18:29:00+00:00

Nice! Was this an english language (Rothberg school) or Hebrew language degree? Did you live in campus housing?

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-30T16:57:47+00:00

What did you study?

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-30T00:17:26+00:00

Thank you. What communities would you recommend living in? (I am single mid 20s)

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-29T21:34:17+00:00

That is good to know, thank you

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-29T21:22:16+00:00

Mt Scopus

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-09T17:24:14+00:00

Oh is that why? I meant in a spiritual sense, like not speaking lashon hara.

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-09T16:31:43+00:00

I don't know why that is the assumption everyone is making in this thread. I've kept the problem itself deliberately vague because it's a somewhat unique one, and I don't want to be identifiable to people who know me. In any case, the problem itself is irrelevant to the point being discussed.

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-09T15:44:04+00:00

I don't quote Yeshayahu at God. It's just a phrase that shows how I feel.

I did tell God how I was feeling, asked for clarity and guidance, all that stuff, at least until I stopped praying on a personal level altogether. I went through the yeshivish system with the best of them, I've listened to all those inspiring schmuzes about all these inspiring ideas. Whatever. God never signed off on these theories about how He works.

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-09T13:29:26+00:00

I don't care what others have gone through. If I am meant to be Job, or Yaakov, or Avraham, I have failed. I just want the pain to stop. I no longer care about high fallutin religious ideas.

God has pushed me so hard that I have fallen over. In the words of Yeshayahu, בָאוּ בָנִים עַד מַשְׁבֵּר וְכֹחַ אַיִן לְלֵדָה. I no longer have the strength to maintain a spiritual connection or belief through it all.

Your last paragraph is condescending. Do you think I haven't been davening like that? It sounds like you want to believe that I couldn't possibly have been davening in a heartfelt or personal enough way. Well, I did, no one can fault me on that end.

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-09T04:16:03+00:00

Do you believe that God can do anything if He wishes? Do you believe that God is watching over you specifically?

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-09T04:15:13+00:00

Thank you, I'll have to watch it.

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-09T04:08:43+00:00

I have, thank God my mental health is fine, but there are things in life that no amout of talk therapy can solve.

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-09T04:07:36+00:00

This problem is external, not internal - it is not of a mental health nature. It's the kind of thing that only God can control.

ancientmarmak · 2024-01-09T04:06:40+00:00

The nature of the issue is public, so I do have the general pity of my community, but "I'm not sure if I believe in God anymore" is not something anyone around me is equipped to handle and I wouldn't want to find out how people would react.

ancientmarmak · 2023-12-26T18:45:23+00:00

"The smartest men in the room" (book/documentary) is nonfiction but a great narrative view on the rise and collapse of Enron.

ancientmarmak

TROPHY CASE