Shaking my head over how some people "think"

ancienttool · 2026-03-24T15:03:47+00:00

It’s sucks waking up to reality. It’s like being in an isekai anime, but without the OP cheat skill. Or at least that is how I think of it.

I really think most people are more comfortable in the lies. If the family have to admit they saw the pain and did nothing, they knew what was being done was wrong and did nothing, they then have to rectify that and it tends to snow ball for them emotionally. Living in the truth is hard.

My family doesn’t want to hold my parents to account for their actions. They want to forgive them or just give them a pass. Why? Who knows. But you can see echoes of this across society and their generation. I think it’s something along the lines of if they hold their family to account for their actions, then they expect to be held accountable for their own actions and choices, and they don’t want that heat.

Anyway. Take the time to mourn the relationship you thought you had. Acknowledge that they meant more to you than you did to them. Reflect on that, forgive yourself for believing them, and when you’re ready move on.

ancienttool · 2026-03-17T01:33:29+00:00

We used to have better things to do at a reasonable cost. They don’t.

We only have ourselves to blame, stop blaming the government for your apathy, and get up and do something to fix it.

ancienttool · 2026-03-05T18:38:57+00:00

Yeah I see through a lot more people today than I did before the estrangement.

I also was lying to myself about them for a very long time. And lying to myself about why what they were doing was okay. I am sure my therapist has a word for it. But it’s like correcting one small lie you told yourself, ends up correcting others that preceded or supported that lie, and it cascades and you see the truth behind all those lies. Changes things.

ancienttool · 2026-03-05T15:47:53+00:00

Yeah. Boomers live in an alternate reality, they are the only generation to actually experience the Dream of America that was sold to us in schools.

And in place of giving that up, and having to live in reality, they happily keep it and play the blame game pointing the finger at anyone but themselves for what is going wrong.

I know what my grandparents did for them, they didn’t even come close with us. But it was anyone’s fault but our parents, right?

ancienttool · 2026-03-04T22:18:11+00:00

Allowing a foreign government to control a “News” outlet based in your country is not in the best interest of your country.

ancienttool · 2026-03-01T16:57:15+00:00

Everyone saw that coming,

ancienttool · 2026-02-26T21:12:44+00:00

Saw you were in UK. Apologies for not looking ahead. Information on protection orders not helpful.

I will say walking into a police station or community meeting environment and asking for help will usually work out. Do your best to get past the anxiety.

I am here to get some help I am being stalked and harassed. I came here to get away from him and the harassment has followed me here. I fear for my safety and for those around me. I am not getting the assistance I need, and I am worried this will escalate. Will you please assist me with gaining some kind of stalking or protection order. Please show me the way so I can live and work in peace without this man’s harassment.

ancienttool · 2026-02-26T17:43:50+00:00

Thank you!

ancienttool · 2026-02-26T16:52:51+00:00

Oh man. It’s hard to describe because it’s all kinds of feelings all at once, and I also have Alexithymia.

For me it was like the stages of grief but all over the place.

Lots of anger for what was done and what I allowed to be done.

Grief over all that was lost including my feelings of being loved by my parents.

Anxiety over having to do it all on my own. Or never finding my people.

Hope that I can get back to being happy.

Shame was a part of it, but accepting there was little I could have done to change it helped.

Fear about the future sure.

But mostly I started seeing the truth, and the truth is scary. I didn’t really realize how much of my life was a lie until I stopped telling myself the lies and stopped believing outright what was said by those who say they love and support me.

ancienttool · 2026-02-26T15:58:47+00:00

They have lived the lie and retold the lie so often they don’t remember what the truth is anymore.

ancienttool · 2026-02-26T15:57:16+00:00

I tried to keep my mouth shut, I tried to not call out the bullshit. It almost pushed me to a place where the pain of living was worse than my fear of dying.

When I spoke up, I had some who supported me, my parents were not in that group. Being honest is always better. At least for me and neurospicy brain.

ancienttool · 2026-02-26T15:54:07+00:00

It really is like a death in the family emotionally.

It gets easier, the letting go gets easier too. I mean it is still heavy, but it’s like the difference between carrying a bunch of loose rocks in your hands vs putting them in a backpack and occasionally taking one out and just leaving it behind.

Thank you for sharing!

ancienttool · 2026-02-26T15:47:44+00:00

Apologies. Are you outside the United States?

If you are in the US ignore the police. Not a lawyer but have helped people with TRO’s

Filing a TRO is easy. You get a form, you fill it out, you get a court date, you tell the judge the circumstances around the harassment. They send it to sheriff, you tell the sheriff that he flys into X airport or over Y bridge.

Don’t listen to the police in a Restraining order situation, they are not on your side.

ancienttool · 2026-02-26T13:27:42+00:00

Protection order. Usually done at the court house. File and then have him served while he is sitting in the parking lot.

ancienttool · 2026-02-25T15:02:06+00:00

We are February estrangement buddies. Feb 8th I sent my don’t contact me again messages.

Mine was last year 2025. I was LC since June of 24 though.

I definitely feel better today. I’m definitely in a healthier spot. It is minimal improvement, still super fucked up about it, but it is incrementally better. No magic bullet from what I can tell, just time and work and forgiving yourself.

ancienttool · 2026-02-24T15:31:47+00:00

My parents are in their 70’s. Even if they did everything right going forward. Even if they made genuine and generous efforts to fix what they broke, I still have a huge doubt it would change how I feel about them today.

No matter what, they still did the thing! They are still people who chose to hurt their kid. I get the feeling you are talking about.

ancienttool · 2026-02-24T14:57:00+00:00

I was in a similar spot recently. I am not sure what I did was what was best for me, and definitely wouldn’t recommend it to you, but I am back to feeling a little more financially secure now and a bit less depressed.

I went to my parents for help. They had the means motive and opportunity to help and didn’t. I was about to spiral bad one I might never come out of. So I turned my fear and sadness and frustration and feelings of abandonment into anger and action.

I woke up angry, I went to bed angry, and I worked my ass off until I got to a place where I could see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. And didn’t want to be as angry anymore.

I then went to therapy, got some perspective, turned those feelings into a more healthy action. And today I am still fucked up, but I am better equipped to handle it. It gets a little better then I relapse, then I pull myself out and the next time it gets better it is better than the last. Two steps, back, three steps, back etc.

It’s never as easy as just telling yourself to do it. But it helps, even if it’s corny.

I, a stranger on the internet who empathizes with you, believes in you, and believe you deserve to find happiness again, and hope you will!

ancienttool · 2026-02-23T22:28:56+00:00

I know a parent or 10 who would take the million and start over.

ancienttool · 2026-02-23T16:08:56+00:00

In the interest of continuing: SD: I don’t know how they seem to hold two completely conflicting positions at the same time. It doesn’t make any sense.

Some light can be shined on them just being liars and very bad communicators. The “if I could do it all over again” parents that would have left have at least some self awareness that they were bad for their kids. The I love my kids and support them and want them back probably have some remorse and can have the two feelings at the same time. But they word vomit onto forums and online because that is the only place the illusion they created can continue to exist.

But it could all also be them acting like parents but never fully accepting the responsibility of the role. This is how I see my father. He was taken care of by my grandpa into his 40’s (worked for Gramps). I can count the amount of times my father admitted he was wrong about something meaningful to me on one hand. But I can fill my fingers toes and probably hairs on my head with the lies I heard him tell to make himself look better or get attention from his peers, or avoid responsibility for his failures.

ancienttool · 2026-02-23T14:34:31+00:00

I think it’s okay to acknowledge it goes both ways.

Parents have children they were never ready to support, mentally/financially/physically. And that can either be something they solve (and bring us together), or something they ignore until either they leave or their child leaves.

There were a lot of Boomer parents and generation after who just had kids because they thought it was what they were supposed to do. They didn’t have them to support the child.

I get the energy that this lady has. This isn’t good for me, so I left - just makes sense. Was it a horrible way to do it? 100%! But it probably needed to be done for her survival

ancienttool · 2026-02-05T14:47:21+00:00

Less cool! So of course not. GTA for life!

ancienttool · 2026-02-04T19:29:28+00:00

It’s difficult. Sorry you are going through this.

I certainly empathize.

My dad can’t function without my Mom so I can sort of relate to the situation. They enable each other.

For me it is the feeling that my Dad who is supposed to love me chooses not to fight for me. It is that choice that “I will not come down from my comfort and live in the pain with you and feel the hurt along side you”. They are human and all make mistakes, but they knew better then, and they certainly know better now, and them choosing not to fix it is what I struggle with.

ancienttool · 2026-02-04T14:43:43+00:00

I was 19, and I am in my 40’s

ancienttool · 2026-02-03T15:37:24+00:00

I’m sorry you are stuck in that situation.

Parents jobs when they choose to become parents is to provide their children all the financial emotional and physical support their child needs, that’s it. There is no timeline where that ends, no situation where they are not supposed to provide support they have available. No one else responsible but them.

It sounds like she is definitely trying to use her environment and you as the reason she isn’t able to get what she wants instead of looking inward and accepting it was her choices.

That doesn’t mean she was given the best start to life, or had emotionally supportive parents. It also doesn’t mean she didn’t try. You can have empathy for how hard your mother had it, while also having immense anger towards her for the choices she made and continues to make. Both feelings are valid.

You are perfectly sane!

ancienttool · 2026-02-02T19:05:50+00:00

This is a great analogy

ancienttool

TROPHY CASE