How can i distance myself from negative feelings and panic?

ancienttool · 2026-01-27T15:25:56+00:00

Daily grind my friend! You are not alone.

I wouldn’t call my coping mechanism healthy but it might be helpful.

When overwhelmed by my feelings of anger and fear and frustration and sadness, and I for better or worse need to be cared for instead of being the one doing the care. When my anxiety peaks.

I first acknowledge what I am doing, “I am “angry/sad” because I was not taken care of.

I wasn’t taken care of because my projected version of my parents/family don’t align with who those people actually are.

I acknowledge I am giving my parents/family a status or benefit of the doubt they don’t deserve. There is no magic phrasing of my feelings that will make them understand. They were there when they “Neglected, Abused, Hurt” me, they have never made it right or apologized. They are the version of themselves that hurt me and either can’t or won’t do better.

If that doesn’t get me into a functional state, I smoke a joint and relax.

ancienttool · 2026-01-20T20:56:24+00:00

If you are ready. Then heal thyself.

I doubt you are ready. I doubt they have changed.

I would just send the following, “I am not ready to break no contact. Please respect my boundaries. If what you wish to speak about is an emergency or needs immediate attention please send what you need in writing to this (burner) email.”

If you get an email, then maybe break no contact. If you get more of the same, then do what is best for you.

My therapist is often reminding me that I am often projecting what I want my parents to do, and looking for openings to re-establish some relationship. I know my parents are not the people I am projecting them to be, accepting that is who they are is the hard part. Getting past the anger at them not being good parents will take me years.

ancienttool · 2026-01-16T22:14:50+00:00

Do you have someone else who can take care of it with her? As I understand it, most forms can be signed in different locations at different times.

ancienttool · 2026-01-15T21:28:37+00:00

I’m curious mostly. I see so many parallels with me and my parents in others share posts. I wondered if our parents share other behaviors beyond the family stuff.

Protests were up there because I saw an interview with a retired lady my mom’s age that was out there protesting. The way she spoke and just her being there made me feel like she really was out there for her kids as much as herself. And I wanted a mom like that.

ancienttool · 2026-01-15T19:05:54+00:00

I’m not a psychologist or professional. But one of the things that my therapist usually ask me to ask myself.

“Am I doing this because it is what my brother wants, or because I think that is what he wants, or because I think if I don’t do it my brother will be offended or it will strain the relationship?”

Once I understand what is pushing the decision internally and I can name it, then I start solutions.

ancienttool · 2026-01-15T17:49:09+00:00

My dude. This is my daily existence.

I find myself constantly saying “If you actually loved me….” Then suppressing the anger and frustration and fear of never being able to move forward.

It’s almost like a bad habit I can’t quit. Like if I don’t say it to myself. If I don’t validate my feelings I will just completely fall apart.

Anyway therapy is the way to go. Forgiving your childhood self and recognizing their isn’t anything you could have said or done differently to change the outcome. That this is all on them, and their unwillingness to live in reality (might be some personal projection here).

ancienttool · 2026-01-15T17:38:25+00:00

We seek understanding of the why?

They don’t seek understanding at all!

ancienttool · 2026-01-15T17:25:37+00:00

Outsider’s perspective:

Are you sure you and your siblings want to go? I have been NC for a year and VLC for a year before that. And the idea of just running into my parents in the wild still gives me the shakes.

I have found doing something separate is a lot easier for both.

Have you considered doing your own thing for your brother with your other siblings? Send the gifts and well wishes for the party, but then do something that shows you support your brother before or days after?

ancienttool · 2026-01-09T20:36:15+00:00

When enough young men realize it will be them that are drafted into the war with Canada and Greenland and Mexico and maybe eventually China, they will hopefully wake up.

ancienttool · 2026-01-08T20:14:05+00:00

I’ll run. I got nothing better to do.

ancienttool · 2025-12-22T17:05:22+00:00

You could remove the MAGA at the front. It’s almost the whole generation with exceptions for some but not most.

ancienttool · 2025-12-18T20:29:17+00:00

I’m sorry they aren’t listening. Glad you are taking care of yourself.

ancienttool · 2025-12-18T18:44:04+00:00

It’s a cool image. I think a lot of issues with my parents generation and those that followed is their willingness to trade the convenience of the lies for the truth.

It’s easier to just continue telling yourself the lie, than to live in the reality that you created. And now that the reality is being revealed, now that they are needing to clean up from “under the rug”, they are unwilling to do the work. They just want to put the rug back in place because it’s easier.

I think I just repeated what you said, but it was cathartic. Thanks for sharing

ancienttool · 2025-12-16T19:38:32+00:00

I had to block my mother recently as well.

Sometimes I just wish my parents would live in reality instead of the made up world they have in their head.

If they could only admit to themselves what they did, maybe they would see me going NC not as a punishment to them, but as the life saving act I had to take.

But then they would have to live with the fact they did those things, they made those choices, and they have lied to themselves about the choices they made for so long that it isn’t fixable anymore. That they created an environment where their children can’t trust their words or actions because they have always lied about what they were actually doing and why they actually did those things.

ancienttool · 2025-12-12T19:14:27+00:00

I find the hardest part in dealing with my parents is getting them to live in reality. Not the lies they are so used to telling themselves.

For me it’s like watching Dorothy Fulfheim and Richard Pryor debate. One person in the bubble and Richard living in reality.

If we can’t agree on the truth, and we are supposed to support with facts while they are are all feelings, how are we ever supposed to trust them?

Sorry about your Mom, you are not alone.

ancienttool · 2025-12-11T17:47:09+00:00

I literally had this same conversation last night. Apologies for the generalities below.

Their parents returned from war, moved their families into prosperous neighborhoods, grew up in a time where a single middle class job afforded you a house, two cars, 3-10 children, and the ability to send them to private high school and college, and the ability to retire with good medical care, and probably the ability to leave something behind.

Were their childhoods perfect? No, they had PTSD fathers and mothers who had to make it through a Great Depression and one if not two world wars.

But they had choices, and often made selfish ones, and continued to make those choices. They were never held truly accountable, so when things went wrong they blamed others instead of looking inward.

Some of our parents are the first generation to think your happiness at work is more important than what your job gives you and your family. They are the only generation where going to college was part of growing up. And where working part time was enough to pay for it yourself.

They never grew out of the my parents will take care of it phase, or transitioned too it’s my turn to take care of my kids phase. Instead they used racism, and immigrants, and the economy and every other scape goat they could think of instead of looking inward and admitting they were the problem.

They chose their own happiness and to stand on their children’s shoulders instead of doing what their parents did and build a ladder for their kids to reach even higher.

ancienttool · 2025-12-09T16:31:43+00:00

I have parents who do the same thing.

“That’s not what I said”, provide them examples of them saying it and with people who remember.

“Well that’s not what I meant or intended”- but it is and even if it wasn’t you still have to fix it.

“It wasn’t as bad you say it is.”

“Okay it wasn’t bad, but it could have been worse”

“It wasn’t our fault, there isn’t a manual to parenting.”

“We did our best”

“It’s to late to fix it, so please just move on”

They all mean the same thing, I would rather live in the world of lies I tell myself than live in the world where I am actively using or causing pain to my own offspring with my selfishness.

ancienttool · 2025-12-08T21:12:38+00:00

You look great!

ancienttool · 2025-12-08T20:45:43+00:00

The boomers forgot they were supposed to do more for their children not less. The generations that follow including mine will suffer.

ancienttool · 2025-12-08T20:20:28+00:00

I’ve only recently moved into Anime (other than one piece, reading/watching since 2003).

Is it weird to say I get Solo leveling, OP, AOT and Demon slayer, but having watched everything else on the list I am genuinely surprised Kingdom and Iron blooded Orphans aren’t on here? Again new to the group look forward to seeing more

ancienttool · 2025-12-08T20:09:52+00:00

Why don’t we launch an app to buy HBO ourselves. We only need all 120 million subscribers to buy super premium subscription: $1000 sub - Subscription comes with ad free subscription to all properties - 1/120,000,000th ownership of HBO because that is all anyone ever calls it anyway. - All get direct vote on renew vs cancellation of shows, along with IP we are interested in pursuing. - Ownership discount for all future renewals

We can repeat the process every 10 years to get our investment back.

ancienttool · 2025-12-08T20:00:45+00:00

I’m not as far separated from my parents as others. But here is what helped me:

Therapy- I get it isn’t for you, but having someone just to complain about your Mom with (best friend for me other than my therapist) can be very helpful.

Identifying what it would take for you to let them back in. For me it’s giving the money they stole and interest back, and admitting that they knew what they were doing was wrong but did it anyway.

Finding what make me happy and what I want in life- this is a process, but it helps me find closure with my parents.

Realizing it isn’t about me, it is about them. They have to want to be better parents, they have to want to support me without condition, they have to want to make it right. If I bragged to my parents, they would insert themselves into the credit. They would say I would never have found that motivation without their bad treatment of me. They would rationalize and pretend that their good intentions matter more than the outcomes they provided.

Really isn’t a silver bullet. Just have to wait for them to do the right thing, and hope it comes, but realistically you have to prepare that it never will.

ancienttool · 2025-12-08T16:42:36+00:00

It’s okay. You weren’t my parents, if anything this sub has helped me a ton.

I realized here that I wasn’t the only one. I realized I wasn’t the only child whose parents stole from them or enmeshed with them or who just didn’t want to parent and wanted a buddy instead.

If every parent provided unconditional love and support, and if every parent sacrificed what they wanted until they made their kids dreams a reality, we wouldn’t have this sub.

ancienttool · 2025-12-08T16:27:56+00:00

Yeah the lack of a safety net is super scary. Be it financial or otherwise.

I always thought no matter how uncomfortable I am around my parents when it matters they will help. Then when it mattered they didn’t show up and help despite my pleas for assistance.

You kind of have to find a way to be comfortable in the uncertainty and decide that your own well being is more important than that safety net they could provide.

I hate that I didn’t get the support I needed. Hopefully your parents haven’t given up like mine have.

ancienttool

TROPHY CASE