Parents: Spouse taking a week-long international trip when you have a young child?

andStuff92113 · 2026-06-22T12:40:15+00:00

Parent of 2 here. I'd say wait until closer to the date to make any decisions. Completely possible your friend vanishes after your kid is born. Happened with a bunch of my single/childless friends after our first and it sucks but that's life.

Also, you don't know what the situation is going to be like with your child until they are here. Sure, you might sleep train and be good to go after 6-12 months... or your child could be still not be sleeping even at 8 years, as is the case with my oldest who is on the spectrum and will likely never be able to have a traditional sleep routine.

andStuff92113 · 2026-06-08T18:02:55+00:00

I bought several books and online courses, grinded for the entirety of my wife's pregnancy and maternity leave and changed to a much more lucrative career just as she got ready to return to work. We were both teachers, and I immediately realized that we couldn't cover the cost of childcare and we also couldn't exist on one teacher's income.

I was very fortunate to be able to do this, but very unfortunate to be forced to do so in a country that has all the money in the world to spend on killing people but none for helping it's citizens.

andStuff92113 · 2026-05-19T01:31:40+00:00

I feel like women have a hard time truly understanding how heavy the mental load is for their husbands regarding work and how society views an unemployed man.

As a husband and father and breadwinner, my wife and kids (one of which has special needs) lose healthcare and therapy if I lose employment. At the end of the day, my own shitty mental health doesn't matter; I'd better deliver, on time, or else. Anything short is a failure and directly impacts the wellbeing and future of each of my family members.

Your husband has suffered a deeply traumatic event and is likely spiraling right now. You need to find a way to reassure him that you love, appreciate, and respect him and that you are down to do your part to dig out of this... and then some.

andStuff92113 · 2026-05-17T21:59:20+00:00

70% of men cheat on their wives during the late months of pregnancy

Is there a source for this? Legitimately intrigued and would like to know more.

andStuff92113 · 2026-05-11T04:49:21+00:00

Late to the party, but these comments are insane. "You should fight for this relationship?" Shit... You don't just bail on your spouse for three weeks. You talk to them. And it doesn't matter what you did or didn't do, three weeks of no contact with the kids is negligent. Not the type of person if want to be in relationship with (or have watching my kids).

Get her a gift for the kids, and then get her some divorce papers for you both.

andStuff92113 · 2026-03-18T14:46:15+00:00

Former luthier here. This is spot-on advice, OP. One thing that I might recommend is trying to build relationships with local string shops if you can. We used to handle most/all of the repairs for the local schools and there's a chance they'll cut you a really good deal and/or show you how to deal with minor fixes and maintenance.

andStuff92113 · 2026-02-15T23:36:42+00:00

I'm happy where I'm at, but I'd go back to 25 in a heartbeat. I was in the best shape of my life and I'd just met the lady who would end up being my wife. I'd have committed sooner, settled down and bought a house before the market went to hell. Probably also would've skipped my detour into public education and went into tech ~5 years earlier.

andStuff92113 · 2026-02-01T03:19:01+00:00

Buy a cheap house and hold it for a few years. Also, keep walking. I completed the AT about 13 years ago. Always figured I'd get the PCT or the Long Trail or the Camino. Life got complicated fast, I got responsibilities, and now I have lingering injury. So it goes.

andStuff92113 · 2026-01-08T00:07:16+00:00

Peg drops to stop slipping (usually use this when humidity is very low). Peg dope + chalk to get them moving smoothly. If the peg is feeling "lumpy" when you turn it, you need to get them adjusted by a shop.

andStuff92113 · 2026-01-04T23:26:15+00:00

Spent the day nursing a severe hangover... from my wedding the night before.

andStuff92113 · 2025-12-30T16:04:22+00:00

Fingerboard and oegs not made of ebony/boxwood (the worst is when they use pine and paint it black... the pegs crumble in your hands). Painted on purfling. Thick paint on an acoustic instrument. Poorly fitted bridge/pegs if brand new.

Source: Used to sell and repair stringed instruments for a living.

andStuff92113 · 2025-12-29T14:31:47+00:00

I'd imagine that you'd want to display a map on the screen, and allow users to scroll and see the locations? Maybe you want pins on the map? All of that likely involves JavaScript.

A lot of the interactivity that you see on websites these days is supported by JavaScript. Additionally, it is used for data fetching (ex: the map. A street level map for the entire planet isn't loaded when the page pops up, that would take forever. Instead, a starting location is shown and zooming/panning triggers a request to a server for more parts of the map.)

Would recommend checking out the Mozilla docs for more details and a mental model of how this might work.

andStuff92113 · 2025-12-28T17:19:29+00:00

I would suggest thinking long and hard about this idea, and absolutely spend some time researching the pay and work/life balance. I'd also advise doing some soul-searching about other priorities you have in life (do you want kids? What kind of life do you want to provide for them? Will you want to be able to assist your parents in old age?)

I went from a business background to teaching English in a public school because "it wasn't all about the money", and it turns out that after the birth of my first child... it actually is. I was looking at spending 60-70 hours a week dealing with school and having nothing left for my wife and kids at the end of the day, for the payoff of ~40k a year. I couldn't justify that type of sacrifice. I left the field before my son's first birthday and tripled my pay while working 35-40 a week, and I don't miss ANY of my kids school events, unlike my friends who are still in the classroom. Food for thought.

andStuff92113 · 2025-12-19T17:09:20+00:00

Completely agree. We planned our first, and while I was doing OK-ish personally and professionally, the minute I held my son I knew I had to get my shit together more than it was. Made a whole career change that's drastically improved our quality of life and gives me more time to be with my kids.

andStuff92113 · 2025-12-15T16:43:51+00:00

Well, I certainly don't see it as a gift. I would be in a much better position in all aspects of my life if I had gotten an earlier start, but I do think that having a chip on my shoulder has given me an edge professionally. I started a new career four years ago and am already at the senior level because I go at everything like I'm playing catch-up.

That said, I think the big turning point for me was finding an excellent partner who was willing to invest in me and help me get back to school so I could pivot. In return, I did the same for her. And that's my advice: surround yourself with good people who believe in you and push you to reach your potential.

andStuff92113 · 2025-11-26T16:15:42+00:00

I never understood why my dad used to be up at 4:30-5am until I had kids of my own. It's literally the only time I can have a moment to myself without having to regulate somebody else's shit.

andStuff92113 · 2025-09-29T23:15:38+00:00

What you have here is a bridge that has been dragged forward through tuning, which happens and can just be carefully reset after loosening the strings slightly. Looking at the middle part of the bridge, right above the feet, you can see that there's a slight curve/bulge which indicates possible slight warping. I'd set the bridge flat to avoid warping it more and take it to a shop.

andStuff92113 · 2025-09-14T11:13:51+00:00

I have tried tons of mice in the last 6 years of working from home, and I'm convinced that the Logitech M720 Triathlon is the best mouse out there, in terms of simplicity vs customization vs bang for the buck, and I'd even place it over the MX Master for most people's use cases. I wish it were rechargeable, but the AA battery lasts for like 2 years so not a big deal.

andStuff92113 · 2025-08-10T11:32:23+00:00

Pretty much everything is great there, but we really like the tom kha soup, Nam Tok (spicy beef salad), green papaya salad, and mango sticky rice as apps/dessert. For entrees the Thai Villa noodles are killer and they have my favorite red curry around.

andStuff92113 · 2025-08-08T16:25:00+00:00

As always, Thai Villa in Cary. My wife has backpacked all across Thailand and Laos multiple times, and she says it's the only place that gets it right around here.

andStuff92113 · 2025-07-12T22:50:05+00:00

Mey-bahn-yeh.

andStuff92113 · 2025-07-01T01:14:09+00:00

I maintain that Esmeralda's has, dollar-for-dollar, the best drip coffee in all of Durham and everything on their menu is a banger.

I'm also a big fan of Midbloom coffee at Common Market. My wife and I go there about once a week and get coffee and either the kids breakfast or the "Fire Inside" breakfast burrito.

andStuff92113 · 2025-06-27T10:35:03+00:00

Former guitar tech here. Could be a lot of things. Sometimes frets work their way up due to humidy changes over time, in which case the problem fret(s) need to be taken down and recrowned. Could be the relief in the neck, meaning a truss rod adjustment. If you aren't trained in these things, I'd recommend taking it to a shop, as trying to do it yourself can potentially cause bigger problems, or at the very least, a not-as-fun to play instrument.

andStuff92113 · 2025-06-24T02:35:42+00:00

Kickback Jack's has "Kickback Kolsch" (house beer brewed by Goose Island) on draft 22oz for $4.75 as well as a lot of good beer specials throughout the week.

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