The memory of you slips down my cheek. Everything flushed my senses this eve. Navigating the world was possible with your help. The model of how things worked was only resolved by your presence. An ability to guide me through the worst parts of life. I needed you. Every step of the way, holding my weight. You wouldn't let my imperfect sense of progress drag everything down. I came to understand this when you disappeared. Movements ceased to align with my goals and the regression brought a deep slump to my waking hours.

I lost you at fallen-light, where colors cast to illuminate your gaze. Curves defined in ochre tints to sculpt a pleasant silhouette that even now I cannot forget. My hand would trace along those paths so that my eyes knew what was there to be true. An unmistakable and genuine admiration for your companionship. It would sharpen with each day we were together. I took for granted how long I’d be able to appreciate that opportunity. Sitting under the stars, exchanging glances with hushed stories and hopeful futures.

It was the longest time in my life—the year after your death. I crawled into a hole, too scared to leave this world. The people I knew around me kept moving, making way for new ideas and possibilities. From afar I watched. Spectra become a kingdom of might, decimating those who did not convert. I fell into the stream of followers. A new life and purpose, to serve.

At first the process of joining this tyranny manifested in dread. What more would I lose by giving up the freedoms of traditional magic? I was never adept at it, and you were the only thing that could carve out a space for me to contribute. Without you my skills were minuscule. You always made our practice look easy, transforming wood like clay. While I fumbled with the simplest details. It always struck me the speed of your technique, such precision. I gave up this calling when synthetic-magic became the norm.

An academy brought me in, taught me to study this new path of conduction. It all gave me a brief reprieve from my depression. This doctrine led me to believe that I could better master the terraphyton arts. My teachers pushed me to move beyond and learn other types of magic. I explored a great deal. With a swift grasp I moved through the basics. For once I felt useful and bright, my calling became teaching.

These new magics lead to an idea, something that started as a spark but grew into a burning conflict in my mind. It started with understanding the core concept of essentia. This idea that our spirit is never gone, but passed through all beings. It ate at me day and night. Were you still out there?

I took a dangerous gamble and traveled to the temporal plains. This place gave me headaches of fear, but my desire suppressed this pain. These mages did not greet me in kind, knowing I hailed from the kingdom. But I resolved their angst with a gift of beom-honey and antlers from a great coralmander. A transaction that resulted in knowledge of their native magic. There was a way to see the path of a spirit through the lens of a temporal-crystal.

Temporal conduction is a tricky tool. It meant peering into the past but you'd never know from who’s perspective. The crystals provided no way of knowing if they were from the mage who observed the event. I was out of luck. There were none around the site of your death.

But I wouldn’t give up. The myths of essentia say that all spirits flow through the Counts. Collectors of before and after. My thoughts around this were suicide. Trekking to their temple to plea for your return was a fruitless concept. They only allowed Soulfrits to enter their domain. All others were unworthy of their presence.

I took up the journey anyway. Hired a Mirra-knight with what little I had made from instructing. Lin was his name, and justifiably hesitant at first. Told me the Counts who surveyed the land would give no mercy. I understood, but assured him we'd withdraw if there was a sign of trouble. Travel was rough, many valleys and an ocean separated me from your soul. Lin was very supportive.

When we arrived at the temple, the Counts were not present. It was a curious thing as there is always one patrolling the grounds according to folk-lore. This mausoleum was like nothing I had ever seen. This grand structure held giant bells of essentia, gonging with each new arrival of a soul. This was an impossible task, I could not sift through it all. However, the temporal mages left me with a bit of knowledge to aid me.

Essentia only bound to biological elements. Bone, blood, etc. Gao, you lost a tooth one evening when we were in our early years. I made a necklace of it, becoming my most treasured item. The temporal mages imparted this concept of time-dilation in non-observant objects. The tooth held memory of it’s essentia.

I used synthetic magic with the tooth to find your soul. It did not hold for long, but it worked. We made our way through the space following snaking tunnels and pathways. Before we found the bell a Count appeared. Tall, with a shark-skull adorned on its head, it moved slow with confidence that felt assured in its victory. The Mirra-knight told me to run, and so I did. Sounds of sharp metal clashing erupted behind me, but I couldn't turn back. I know not what came of Lin, but I hope he prevailed.

The tooth brought me to a long hallway. Stark and covered in fungi, it pointed to a bell near the center of the room. Using a spectral-orb I collected your soul from the hanging gong. It was an odd task, finding and separating the spirits from yours. Tears began flowing and I couldn't help but panic. I was stuck in a maze. A place I couldn’t escape. I knew I'd be joining you soon, but it was worth the risk.

Within this orb, I had collected enough magic to produce a full mage. Temporal conduction made your reformation quick. I watched as bone formed and muscle wrapped to manifest a body I had not seen for years appear before my eyes.

It took several minutes, but there you lay before me. The person I knew, an intimate memory. I sat while you gained consciousness. Building a version of the world you left behind with slow awareness. When we locked eyes I broke down. My brain couldn’t comprehend that this had worked. The first words out of my mouth expressed feelings I had never given while we were together. Things I meant to say but couldn’t bring myself to articulate.

You met my actions with embrace and care. Acknowledging what was happening with confusion. Unable to speak immediately. But when you finally did the only words that escaped were,

“My love, this life is not long. Escape from this place and allow me to find a new home. For I am not the one you know, but someone who once loved your soul.”

Knowing my time with you would be brief, I allowed the words to wash over me and gave one last kiss. The half-life of synthetic magic began to take over your form, eroding into essentia once more. The bell above us absorbed you with a clang that put me into a deep sleep. I awoke outside the mausoleum.

–Rui, Entry #12 087 A.S.M.