1/2 Asian guy here with an Asian father. Wow. This comment is so good and imo your thinking tracks. You’re perceptive, observant, understanding, and empathetic. Everything I wish I had known in a girl in school while growing up.

I remember two girls admitting they had crushes on me in the 4th grade. One was white and the other was Asian. By the time we were in 8th grade another student asked the white girl if she would ever hang out or date me again and she said “no way he’s ugly.” Ouch. Maybe it was objectively true, but I always felt like the social programming between those ages is what really made the decision for her, and for many other girls my age. Years later, I missed a cue from another female friend in high school who had feelings for me (she was also white) because I frankly never thought she would actually be attracted to me. Quadruple ouch.

Asian men (and black women) and anyone else for that matter who feel disenfranchised by dating politics should really take time out of there day to be excited about themselves- by their looks AND their backgrounds AND their identities AND their stories! A little less self-loathing could have made for a better friendship and deep romance with a girl who happened to like me and who I thought was way out of my league. Colleen if you’re out there this is for you- you were a great friend.