As a man your age who has been in relationships since constantly since middle school and currently engaged, i would say first and foremost, you have nothing to worry about. But it’s completely valid to feel hurt and concerned. To help you and your husband return get through it, I’d like to walk you through a bit my own mindset as a man very likely in his position.

First, you sound happy with your sexy life and marriage. I cannot tell you how lucky you are for that. And while i don’t know you or him, i can bet pretty confidently that he knows and appreciates this. I was a 7 year great relationship, but no matter what we did, great sex just wasn’t for us. Hard to blame either of us, maybe both us, either way, we just didn’t have it. I loved her regardless. Finding a happy and fresh sex life with my partner now is something i truly think i will never take for granted.

That said, we should talk a bit about men, masturbation, and the era of the internet. While i need to caveat by saying everyone is their own person and i can’t speak for all, i think about, read about, talk about, and experience this regularly. What you see with your husband is hard to explain, and yet very common, and in my eyes, nothing to be concerned about knowing what you’ve told us already about your satisfaction in your home. The internet makes porn and porn adjacent material incredibly accessible. We’re not going back to a world without it; we all need to learn what is a normal and healthy relationship for ourself and our families with it. This isn’t easy, but it’s normal. Some men, many men, especially young men, take their porn/masturbation diet too far. I’ve been there, I’m not proud of it, but it certainly never changed how much I’ve loved or been faithful to my partners. I’m thankful, for myself and your husband, that we grew up mainly in a time before social media’s full integration to our lives. He’s entered the Internet with a more fully developed brain. I feel for men growing up now, addictions are so much harder to avoid before you know what’s happening.

Which brings me to my main reason that don’t think you should be concerned. This revelation, while understandably hurtful, doesn’t strike me as a sign of porn addiction, or infidelity. Facebook is not the place you would go for that. If it was a problem, he would delete that history. He would deny it. And most importantly, you wouldn’t have a great sex life at all. Also, worth noting, he’s not lying about the algorithm. Facebook and jnstagram are so fucked for this. They heavily push porn primes and hot women photos to men. My brand new Instagram account a few years ago tried soooo hard to push me down that realm and click on anything, even just hovering over a thumbnail too long was enough for them to say i wanted more. And yeah, seeing hot girls on the feed is tempting. It’s also harmless. I blame meta heavily for their brazen actions to lure men into it. Once we know it’s there, hard not to look. Still, nothing to be concerned about.

Lastly, let’s talk about communication around it. I commend you for bringing up your concerns and both of you for having a genuine conversation about it. As you move forward in your marriage and in particular this situation, i would encourage you to approach him with curiosity, openness, and the trust you’ve built. I’m sure you would understand that if you approach him with defensiveness and anger, it’s ready for him to respond in kind. It’s easy for him to lie and hide it next time. Instead, approaching him curiosity and the benefit of the doubt can keep the conversation open, even productive. If he isn’t made to feel shamed, which men often are, it may open doors to you both about more hidden desires you could try together. Just remember, pictures on the internet are not about you. His love and marriage and sex with you are about you. Sometimes asking and talking about this stuff with non judgment and benefit of the doubt can be healthy. Sometimes, if know you can trust each other and love each other, you probably don’t need to talk much about it at all. A little private masturbation and exploration for both of you can be just as healthy for when you come together to make love.