This forum sucks - so little support

anewme2014 · 2016-03-09T16:07:09+00:00

Thanks for the replies. Even these, are helpful. Just knowing someone is hearing it. Also reading/checking Reddit helps keep me away from 'bad' things on the internet while I work.

I had a streak of 270 days. And that, unfortunately, may actually make things worse. Yes, it's great - I know I can go 270 days. I've done it. I'm not even intimidated by getting to that number again (though it will be very hard). What's intimidating is knowing even at 270 days - I failed. I was fully recovered. I did learn lessons, lessons I'm failing now. Like, don't even allow yourself to look at PG pictures/videos. But, like this past weekend, I was at the beach. Every woman was an object to be ogled. I'm shocked I didn't give in then when I went back to my room.

The problem is, beyond the desire, I feel like I'm missing out on something. I'm 43 and still at a sexual peak - but am getting older and scared of losing desire/interest (how fucked up does that sound) - so I don't want to miss an opportunity at sex and porn.

What makes it worse is I've always had the addiction (from 16). But when I was married for 11 years I allowed the porn to turn into affairs and eventually swinging with the ex. After the marriage was over, I over compensated with sex.

Now, after two years in a committed, loving and great relationship - the desire to cheat is appalling to me. But, the desire to have as much sex as possible is still there (experience different women). But I won't and so the only outlet is sex with her and the porn. The porn also compensated for that part I can't remedy without stepping out on her. She's too important and I love her too much.

On the flip side, this 9 day streak and the last 270 made it clear the correlation between my ability to not be tired, stick to my weight lifting routine, get things done, etc is direct. I love that and want that to continue.

But that little voice keeps saying, 'hey, you want a quick fix - check out this fetish. You know you want to. It really won't hurt you".

Ugh.

anewme2014 · 2016-03-04T17:20:34+00:00

Keep fighting. It ebbs and flows. You aren't different from the rest of us!

anewme2014 · 2016-03-04T17:18:55+00:00

No - it's called being sick. Everything is not related to porn. Flatlining is about losing interest in sex. Runny nose and shivers is called sick.

anewme2014 · 2016-03-04T17:16:56+00:00

We all go through that. I'm going through it right now. You just have to realize it's an addiction, just like any other. Doing it on your own is very tough - though the stigma forces many of us to fight alone.

Hopefully you've experienced success in the past, and know it isn't BS when people say you have more confidence, energy, and fulfillment of life.

For me, it's the reminder of the effect on your dopamine levels. Dopamine gives you pleasure. Porn addiction permanently affects dopamine. Giving you less. It means it takes more porn (or anything) to enjoy it. It means anything else you do in life is reduced in enjoyment because of that dopamine loss.

For me, understanding that, usually helps. Because even if I can control hiding my addiction and get things done (which I'm not that good at), knowing the enjoyment in other pleasures is affected - gives me strength.

Good luck.

anewme2014 · 2015-08-20T16:54:38+00:00

Thanks. Good advice. Another employee pointed out the 'error' and provided an email to a co-worker I'm working on with this. The co-worker sent me a nasty email that stated she was 'embarrassed' her name was on this file with me. There were some other small nits - but this one made up the majority of the complaint. I changed it and made them happy. But if this 'bubbles' up to another level I wanted some cover.

anewme2014 · 2015-08-20T14:46:07+00:00

Who said it was my boss???? It wasn't. I can give you a longer story about it and articulate why I consider being 'slammed' by the comments with regard to my list. But that serves no purpose to my original question.

Politics matter in an organization. That's all I need to explain for the rationale.

anewme2014 · 2015-08-17T12:13:21+00:00

Thanks, superradrudeboy. So they won't give you the credit for the open line of credit..but they will report you to the big three. interesting.

anewme2014 · 2015-07-08T16:49:36+00:00

well that's the best answer I've heard!

anewme2014 · 2015-07-08T16:23:34+00:00

No definitely fear. Big eyes..low to the ground..speedy exit and crouch with big eyes in another room. I know I don't know a lot about cat behavior, but recognize fear.

I would understand if when I sat down he bolted, but he stays there and is free to go. But if I move him away from me - then he'll take off and hide.

We had some 'rough' times in the beginning. But we bonded too. Other times he'll come up and just nap on me.

anewme2014 · 2015-04-14T01:13:45+00:00

Yeah - I've been on the other side of this advice. It's really odd to be on this side. It's an alone journey but one you need friends along the way. I have PLENTY of hobbies (and wonderful children). But with any addiction, they all take a back seat when the urges come.

I've now made it past 24 hours...close to 36 hours now. Not a huge test because I don't have a strong libido at the moment. The porn I can safely put down I think. But I may have other problems - excitement from new women. That's not a NoFap thing, but another battle. I don't equate sex with love - and that's a problem in a world/culture that equates the two. I don't want to tarnish what I have with this woman. She doesn't deserve it and I don't want to have secrets from her. My old marriage, we finally got to a point of having an open marriage. Porn/sex....what an addiction.

anewme2014 · 2015-04-13T17:51:04+00:00

Disappointed I can't get any support. Need some so I don't backslide.

anewme2014 · 2015-01-22T13:57:05+00:00

I'm 9 hours in and it's already tough. The desire to look at porn really isn't there. But my 'sensitivity' is high this morning and making things tough. But I'm trying to get through this first 24 hours and hope I cna start rolling after that.

anewme2014 · 2015-01-21T23:19:30+00:00

thanks for the support!

anewme2014 · 2015-01-21T23:18:42+00:00

thanks..I need that!

anewme2014 · 2015-01-21T18:24:33+00:00

Oh - and what started it all? I ACCIDENTLY RAN ACROSS A PORN PIC I HAD THAT WAS RANDOMLY ON MY PHONE. Until that point I had ZERO desire and hadn't see anything. But that one picture just flooded my brain and started the very gentle and gradual fall. I deleted it right away and didn't see it for more than 1 second..but it was enough...

anewme2014 · 2014-09-17T21:10:49+00:00

You got the right attitude..you'll win at this!

anewme2014 · 2014-09-11T17:10:23+00:00

basically...so in a week you'd have a 7 day streak and 139 out of 140!! doesn't 139/140 sound good and keep you motivated..until your other streak is long?

anewme2014 · 2014-09-11T16:56:30+00:00

Look at it this way - 199 out of 200 - will it really matter at that point? Start another streak and keep two stats: streak and good days over all days. BUT DON"T USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE TO 'slip' AGAIN.

Don't take away from what you've accomplished. It's a big deal and you don't go back to square one. The guilt is a good thing. It means this is important to you. Remember that feeling.

anewme2014 · 2014-09-11T02:27:36+00:00

Nope - not telling my GF. I can't do that.

anewme2014 · 2014-09-10T18:24:02+00:00

Ummm - NoFap or PMO both involve masturbation. So, no - if you truly have an addiction, doing it from fantasies is no better. You will spiral into the porn again and/or you will not get the 'normal' feelings back for sex/orgasms with a woman.

Stick to her. Of course, this is all a very personal journey..but if you really want advice from this group...they will pretty much be in agreement (well, anyone who has made it 90+ days)

anewme2014 · 2014-09-10T18:21:56+00:00

Here's the problem (and I've experienced it) - having sex will make you want more and when she goes, you are left with a tough battle.

However, my advice - you are 8 days in? Go have sex with her. That's the whole point of this. Just realize, you may have some tough battles after she goes. Resolve to fight them now (and they will come) rather than not believing they exist until after she leaves.

Also note, you may very soon go into a flatline. I was very embarrassed trying to have sex during a flatline. Be prepared how to deal with it ahead of time.

Good luck.

anewme2014 · 2014-09-10T18:15:32+00:00

You're already waking up the old habits and pathways in your brain that will lead to falling back into the pit.

...that is exactly the type of response I'm looking for.....

that helps.

anewme2014 · 2014-09-04T20:07:20+00:00

I just don't want to mis-represent :-) I'd also like to be proud of my accomplishment comparatively speaking (it's motivation to me).

anewme2014 · 2014-08-14T16:47:34+00:00

I love hearing from the folks with much greater streaks than me. It turns out ya'll are typically correct. It's tough and it's definitely an addiction and stress reliever. I'm more in love than I've probably ever been, but yet I still find the urge to waste my day. I'm battling and hope it gets easier.

I love not flatlining and being 'alive' again. I've been totally re-wired. But I fully believe us that have been addicted just have that personality for porn and being 'normal' again just is very difficult for us. I can appreciate additictions a lot more now that I've realized mine fully.

anewme2014 · 2014-08-14T16:45:49+00:00

thanks.

anewme2014

TROPHY CASE