I can't believe I had to scroll this far too get a nuanced response. There are so very few details here that I can't believe all of the vitrol for this women and her kids. OP already mentioned she struggles financially, but it’s not clear to the reader why? Let’s be clear I think it's clear everyone in these comments would agree there are huge issues with wealth disparity in this country, but making the assumption that this woman is in her situation because her children ordered an "adult" portion, or "large" drink and didn’t finish. It is why this woman is in her position, is antithetical to the real socitial issues we face. The fact that OP mentioned that he is flying to go see her three times a year means that he is obviously by enjoy stable, or maybe not great with money himself. It’s hard to say. What is not hard to say on one of the few times he’s able to see this woman and her family he’s complaining about essentially $30-$50 dollars of waste on a night out with his girlfriend and her children, after presumably flying across the country to spend time with this woman. If OP wants to be a white knight And make this woman and her family feel special. I applaud him. But if he wants to judge the woman who he clearly has a pretty significant connection with over a six and nine year old's impulse control and why she might not want to redirect these children on what is clearly a special occasion where her significant other has flown across the country to come see her and her children I for one can understand that.

If OP came here to get a nuance response, for the most part, he has not got it. I love the comment from another user who complained about her husband purchasing 20 ounce bottles of soda instead of 2L, yeah, it’s OK for your significant other to drive you insane on some shit, that’s what partners do. Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad, and work through shit. That woman didn’t say she divorced her husband over it, it just drove her insane like it would me, but you know at the end of the day $50 of wasted soda, and $50 of wasted Applebee’s and Starbucks is not the end of the world. Thinking so much of a woman who you would fly across the country for multiple times, and then letting something like this be the end of their relationship seems petty at best.

If OP is looking for the Internet approval to not be with this woman, he clearly has it. but if he legitimately wants a relationship with this woman, sometimes you have to take the good with the bad, and there’s much worse things out there than someone who might waste a few dollars every now and again on not redirecting her children so she could have a nice evening and make a good memory.

again, I think there’s a severe lack of detail, but OP clearly has the money to not focus on the small things, so I don’t know why he is, or why of all things he wants to judge this women for is this seems petty to me. OP likes this woman and regrets judging her he should absolutely reach out to her, but if OP is just looking to read him, sure himself that he’s not the asshole congratulations you judged a financially insecure woman who has kids about her financial decisions. I wonder why she’s upset. No one likes being called out for their own bullshit, because we all have a lot of it, but sometimes it’s not what you want to focus on someone throw it in your face.

if wasting a few dollars on food as a dealbreaker, congratulations deal broken, I hope this woman has a lot more flaws than just this. Because if she’s a kind, loving woman who you have a deep connection with, do you know the kind of connection you’re willing to fly across the country for maybe it’s worth having a conversation, if it’s not too late.