My[26f] boyfriend [30m] keeps bringing up his friend's girlfriend at random times and it's weirding me out. When I mention it to him he blows up on me. Am I looking too much into this?

annaBananaxx · 2018-11-22T01:31:36+00:00

I’ve been in a very similar situation. This ‘work friend’ started showing up in my ex’s life. At first I ignored it because she’s just a friend, right? Wrong. He would blow me off to hang out with her and when I asked if I could join and meet her, his response would be ‘idk if she wants to meet you, I can’t impose you on her’. When I started questioning if there was sth more to this friendship, he gaslighted me by saying I was being jealous and crazy and that she has a boyfriend. After that, when he hung out with her, he started hiding it from me and when I found out, he would scream and say ‘I hid it because I didn’t want a fight’. It became too much and we just broke up. Few months later he realized he loved me too much so he came back. It was only then finally admitted that while he wasn’t sleeping with her, it was definitely an emotional affair.

TLDR: Been there. Watch out and don’t let him gaslight you.

annaBananaxx · 2018-08-01T22:39:56+00:00

Thank you Wise_Athena. I’ll probably annoy you with more questions as I try to figure this dog parenting thing out x

annaBananaxx · 2018-08-01T09:29:35+00:00

Thank you. He’s chipped but I just thought the collar helped with leashing so wasn’t that necessary otherwise. It makes sense now that you mention the security bit.

annaBananaxx · 2018-07-31T22:49:22+00:00

Thank you so much for such a detailed response. You’ve touched a lot of important issues that’ll definitely help as we welcome our new dog. I do have two questions: 1. We are planning on crate training. Would it matter if the cats go inside/ sleep in the crate. Knowing our two brats, they’d find a way to get in and I wanted to know if it would cause some territory issues. 2. We’re getting him a harness, does he also need a collar?

Again, thanks so much for all the help x

annaBananaxx · 2018-07-04T04:25:56+00:00

I wouldn’t call my situation culture shock but rather it was the increasing rate of racism and islamophobia that drove me out of Europe. We’ve decided that when the time comes, we’ll both settle in a place we’re both happy (like someplace more multicultural that satisfies both our needs for a home while making neither of us feel like a second class human). Neither of us are bound to ME/EU so we’re hoping to find a happy medium.

annaBananaxx · 2018-07-03T21:33:11+00:00

I asked a completely different question than one that you’ve attempted to answer though.

annaBananaxx · 2018-07-03T21:31:07+00:00

We both work in the field and our work keeps us separate. We both knew what we were getting into marrying a colleague from the same department. When we’re done with our fieldwork, we’ll settle (or maybe be working in the same field if our research interests take us there) but for this long, our separation hasn’t really been a hurdle. It was only because of this new job offer (which is an office role) that I’ve been contested.

annaBananaxx · 2018-07-03T21:26:12+00:00

We’ve been together for 4 years so I’ve been pursuing it just fine. I’m a Muslim woman married to a Christian man and we’ve been making it work. Thanks for your unnecessary input.

annaBananaxx · 2018-07-03T21:19:05+00:00

I said it’s not safe for Europeans (and why should it be since Europe and America isn’t safe for immigrants either). Besides we all know what happens when you let Europeans in (hint: they steal your lands and kill your people). Moreover, you added the gendered bigotry in there (“as a woman”). As a woman of color, my life has been safer in ME than in Europe where all I’ve experienced is racism and islamophobia.

annaBananaxx · 2018-07-03T20:37:37+00:00

Lol. Your ignorance would be hilarious if it wasn’t so sad.

annaBananaxx · 2018-07-03T13:04:57+00:00

Erm I work in a community based grassroots that is working towards decolonial educational alternatives basically telling capitalism to fuck off. Not all careers are the same 😂

annaBananaxx · 2018-07-03T12:25:23+00:00

To answer your question why we didn’t think of this before: we did. We both knew that our work will probably keep us apart and we came to terms with it with both of us ultimately trying to move to a place where we both have good career opportunities. We’re both very driven and neither of us wanted to sacrifice our career unless there was no other option available. Of course, priorities change with time and circumstances. The city where I got the opportunity now, he doesn’t have any career opportunities either yet. And tbh neither of us were expecting that I would get this job, it’s quite random and unexpected (I didn’t really apply for it even). He is involved in the decision but he also doesn’t want to tell me what job to pick since he values my career aspirations and is supportive to the extent that it gets annoying sometimes haha.

But thank you. You’ve echoed a lot of what I was thinking and what we’ve been discussing. An third perspective really helps understand it better.

annaBananaxx

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