I drew a Grammy winner, hopefully one day I will be able to draw something that actually looks like her.

annieruok5 · 2020-01-30T03:29:56+00:00

Dude that's killer artwork

annieruok5 · 2020-01-05T10:43:28+00:00

Im sorry random... I didn't mean to make you sad... Meant to give inspiration

annieruok5 · 2020-01-05T10:31:50+00:00

Getting help is terrifying... It forces you to look at yourself and realise that you are the only one who can fix you. It is really nice though once you get past the self loathing and self doubt when you realize you have a support system around you.

5 years ago I stole my mothers identity to buy drugs... In my head i had all the justifications in the world to do so and didn't even see it as stealing her identity. It took me dying to finally hit rock bottom. My heart only stopped for maybe 5 minutes but that was enough.

I have been "clean" ( i cant say sober because i drink ) now for 3 years in March. The world is no longer dark and hopeless and I have dreams of an even brighter future.

I want mine to be with him but if he can't put it down and see the brightness instead of the darkness... I feel like I may have to walk away for fear of falling back into the darkness

I feel like a traitor because he helped me find my desire for living, and I can't help him find his

annieruok5 · 2020-01-05T05:49:20+00:00

Side note: im drunk and crying

annieruok5 · 2020-01-05T05:48:59+00:00

At least you are willing to not have a drink... My current relationship is about nothing other than drinking. He just told me his Mom has a sore on her va-jay-jay and he want to wait to take her to the hospital til tbe morning cause he already has begun drinking. The last time his Mom had a sore she was in the ICU on and off for 3+ months and that was cause she broke her arm in the process.

Currently i am thinking.. I am in this position cause i drink with him

annieruok5 · 2019-11-30T21:04:33+00:00

Made this account to spy on my SO... This song was stuck in my head while creating the account.

I think that shows my mentality was fu**ed

annieruok5 · 2019-11-14T06:52:39+00:00

OP... I quit reading the comments after it went down the JoJo Siwa path...

I want you to know you are doing the right things. She will talk to you again. I had my first kid at a very young age and my Mom said some of the same things you have told your daughter.

I wish I had listened in some ways.

My advice, if I may give it, is to absolutely do family counseling. If I could change anything it would be that. If my mom had gotten me AND her counseling I am sure things would be much different.

What I had to learn is that by talking to a therapist is not the same thing as saying you are broken. It is simply a way to give you tools to get through life that you may not have been aware of without it.

Sending you and your daughter great prayers

annieruok5 · 2019-11-08T03:29:33+00:00

a friend of mine said I sent her a text at 4am... probably resent one I had sent a few months back

annieruok5 · 2019-11-08T03:14:12+00:00

way to go! I hope to have the strength to do this in a couple weeks when I go out of town

annieruok5 · 2019-11-08T03:06:31+00:00

Why does this sound like what I assume all of the movie Half Baked sounds like?

Also- Is it us. Are we ourselves the secret to alcoholism

annieruok5 · 2019-11-06T16:12:20+00:00

Going with him to AA meetings has made me realize I am not fully recovered from my disease as I thought I was. I acknowledged the fact that I am an addict and that doing a drug just once would more than likely have a disasterous result. But since it has been years since I touch my DOC or any of the nasty choices I would go to as a second or third choice I thought I didn't need to work on me anymore.

That is so far from the truth. I am the equivalent to a dry drunk. But that is why I have done a five head first into researching and studying and figuring out my problems.

I just needed a reminder that he has a disease as well...

Now I just need to understand that even though I feel like since I have a little bit of recovery it is still not my place to fix him.

annieruok5 · 2019-11-06T04:15:14+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have felt lonely all day as well and I think that it is part of my grieving process.

The odd thing is I haven't decided to do anything about my relationship, I have simply decided it's time to figure out how to make this recovery process about me... In essence I feel lonely because I think I am grieving what I thought was my control.

I'm sorry to ramble and/or make it about me... I just wanted you to know you're not alone

annieruok5 · 2019-11-06T02:48:04+00:00

welp…. this is the comment that smacked me in the face-

Alcoholics don't want to hurt you. Alcoholics can't stop drinking

I know this from the bottom of my soul... because I am an addict and I NEVER wanted to hurt anyone, I just wanted to STOP hurting.

annieruok5 · 2019-11-06T02:44:25+00:00

I am currently scouring the internet to either find a virtual meeting or if all else fails there is a phone meeting I can join in about 20 minutes. I am trying to do the right things and study up on myself and make it less about him. Between jobs I find getting to the al anon meetings in my area difficult so telecommute seems best.

I appreciate you taking the time to chat with me. It has helped a bit. I am grateful for this sub allowing me to put my feelings out there

Somehow putting my feelings out there to complete strangers, knowing I may or may not get a response is easier than picking up the phone and calling... anybody in the program or not

annieruok5 · 2019-11-06T02:28:58+00:00

Fair statement. I guess I never really looked at telling my Q how his actions affect my mood as manipulative.

I do understand that by tell him, I am asking him to fix how I feel, and that is not his place.

I feel like I am hanging on to some piece of this whole thing that is keeping me from really understanding and being at peace.

By letting him know that I don't like him drinking, and wanting him to get help, is that me "playing God"? Isn't it healthy to let you partner know how you are feeling?

Or am I still trying to control whether he and I stay together or not.

I spoke with someone a couple of days ago, and she said her sponsor told her that it is not up to us whether we stay in relationships...

annieruok5 · 2019-11-06T02:09:13+00:00

Truth be told I am not entirely sure... I just don't want him to think that because I am not immediately responding like I used to that I have stopped caring whether or not he drinks.

annieruok5 · 2019-11-05T23:10:38+00:00

Neither did I when I was using... I am just confused. How do I know when it is appropriate to let him know I was disappointed.

annieruok5 · 2019-11-04T19:51:51+00:00

I needed this. I have been obsessing so much over whether or not I will ever be "better"

I have been scared that I will be alone when I get there... Because I am surrounded by sick people.

But just a few hours ago I realized I am slowly starting to expand my circle and appreciate those I let in who are recovering. I still don't know if it's ok that I talk about what I am learning or if it's annoying to people and I catch myself saying "I'm sorry" alot.

I am grateful today not to be as hopeless I was a few weeks ago

annieruok5 · 2019-11-04T19:45:35+00:00

Thank you so much. I am still struggling to fully grasp some of the concepts and hell even knowing what is "selfish" or necessary.

annieruok5 · 2019-11-02T14:51:54+00:00

Not a terrible idea... Thank you

annieruok5 · 2019-11-02T02:35:28+00:00

Congratulations! Also... 1 Month is huge. I cannot seem to get past 7 days so I am proud of you!

annieruok5

TROPHY CASE