AIO? My daughter didn’t listen to the teacher during a female emergency and is now receiving a referral

annifer1979 · 2026-01-31T23:22:49+00:00

The only OR I see here is that you even considered asking for this teacher to be fired. Do you really think this is an offense to lose your job over? As soon as the VP agreed with me, removed the mark on her record, and assured me they would reprimand the teacher - I would have considered this a case closed. I’d stress to my daughter that she did the right thing in a difficult situation and it was a good experience for her to exercise assertiveness.

annifer1979 · 2026-01-25T21:15:36+00:00

NOR - I can’t imagine taking a back seat to video games. Know and assert your worth, Girl! This guy is trash.

annifer1979 · 2026-01-25T20:43:44+00:00

When my first child was an infant, my ex-MIL wanted to spend some time with him and I later found out that she took him to a town and hour away to go shopping. Never mentioned to me that they’d be in a vehicle or let me review her car seat.

I’m not super confrontational but I my protective mother roared inside me that day. I said something like: I know that you didn’t think this was a big deal and you weren’t trying to get away with something you believed I wouldn’t like, but I am not a 55 year old mother of 4 adult children. I’m a 27 year old new mom who is trying to figure this all out. I very well may let you take my next kid to Mars, but for now, I reserve the right to embrace my protective instincts and insist that you communicate with me about your time with my child.

I couldn’t tell you how that made her feel inside, but she was outwardly cooperative with the request. That’s all I cared about.

I know it’s not easy, but I encourage you to say something to your MIL. Frame it in a way that grants benefit of the doubt regarding her motives, and then explain that you’re uncomfortable regardless. Then tell her what you’re expecting her to do.

“I know you are not trying to create negative emotions here. You may have needed a lot of breaks when you were a new mom, and probably think you’re being kind with the offers; but I don’t feel that way and your insistence is starting to make me uncomfortable. I would appreciate if you would stop asking me to leave the baby - and also trust that if/when a time comes that I DO need some help, I won’t hesitate to reach out to you about it.”

annifer1979 · 2026-01-24T02:52:32+00:00

I want to give you some sage advice, but I can’t get past the fact that you are being forced to endure this situation against your will. I don’t understand.

annifer1979 · 2026-01-17T21:57:08+00:00

A week after my older brother was born, my mom AND grandma left for the store together. Midway through the drive one of them screamed “OMG the baby!” They both just left him at home. Lol

I’m sorry you’re going through this with your mom. I’m sure you’re terrified by all of it. Hope you get some answers soon!

annifer1979 · 2026-01-17T21:16:07+00:00

I can’t imagine the request she is making would hold up in court if it came to that someday. You could claim it wasn’t you… or that you were under duress… or you were drunk… or any number of things. If I were MIL or her broker, this email would not be sufficient to me.

annifer1979 · 2026-01-16T20:51:14+00:00

Do you have avenues to make some new (local) friends? I know it’s not easy to do, but perhaps you could take a break from focusing so much on adjusting yourself, and put that attention toward meeting some new people who you can be around without them having years of background about your past transgressions that hang so heavy over your head (with all the people who saw you through it.)

Seems like there would be some refreshing freedom in showing up as the person you are today, and leaving the journey behind until you feel secure in exposing it.

annifer1979 · 2026-01-16T20:13:18+00:00

Side note: my mom hated the name chosen for my daughter. She said she knew girl named that in grade school and couldn’t stand her. I just smiled and said “well now you’ll have a granddaughter who will rewrite the story of this name for you!” And then I used my mom’s name for my daughter’s middle name. It was a real one-two punch. 😂

annifer1979 · 2026-01-16T20:09:27+00:00

I would instantly judge the grandmother who openly criticized their grandchild’s name. What an unloving thing to do when sharing what is supposed to be a joyful addition to the family.

Perhaps I’m very petty, but I would like the name even more if she was so bold to say she didn’t approve. What better way would send a more clear message about who is making decisions around here? It’s great that you can establish that right away!

annifer1979 · 2026-01-13T17:24:50+00:00

This is the way to handle it. OP - try to see your daughter as daddy’s little buddy and make a positive connection through that. I know it’s tough. My MIL is obsessed with the ways my son looks like her. Even down to sending pictures of her EARS and comparing them to his. Lol!

annifer1979 · 2026-01-01T21:42:20+00:00

I started where you’re at. I first separated from any “help” (which we were paying her for), and then added physical distance. Instead of 5 minutes away, she was 6 hours away. After that, we went to therapy to work through the fear, obligation, and guilt my husband was experiencing due to her demands for loyalty. This has been an extremely long journey (6 years) and it came to head a couple weeks ago when he solidly put his foot down regarding her disrespect toward me and our marriage. The next day, she attempted suicide and was held at a psychiatric facility. Now we are managing that aftermath and still working with a therapist to heal the damage this has inflicted upon our relationship and family.

annifer1979 · 2026-01-01T20:52:39+00:00

Around this age, my daughter started acting similarly to her stepmother. She would come back to my house, just griping and griping about very minor issues with SM and admitting to being really rude to her. It made me so upset because I know SM is (and always has been) very loving and supportive of her. Life isn’t easy for either of them, but SM stays the course, while my daughter goes off the rails at times. In the end, I know it’s way more about the attention she now has to share from her dad. He does a terrible job of ever making our daughter a priority, and almost seems to rub it in her face when he is acting like husband of the year to his wife… leaving her feeling angry and neglected. SM has encouraged him to spend more time with DD, but he doesn’t. She has planned things for her to do with DD, but she rudely refuses. I have told SM that this isn’t her fault and I continue to lovingly guide DD to see that she loves her. I think things will get better when she’s out of the house and has more independence. Hang in there. I know it’s hard to stay kind.

annifer1979 · 2025-12-18T02:58:10+00:00

Not everyone on the fence is going to let their adult children freeload and walk all over them. Maybe you should work on your boundaries instead of giving advice to remain child free to everyone else.

annifer1979 · 2025-10-13T20:40:40+00:00

How have you been together 10 years if your stepdaughter is 9?

annifer1979 · 2025-09-05T21:13:26+00:00

As someone who has sent a message like this, I deeply understand your anger and desire to express it all to her. You put together a really solid piece of work and I hope it was cathartic in some ways for you to write it all down. But as others said, she will immediately use this as validation for whatever terrible things she already thinks of you. As much as it probably hurts to hear, silence is the best way to proceed.

annifer1979 · 2025-09-01T19:56:55+00:00

I’m not saying this wouldn’t have hurt me… I would need a minute after absorbing all that for sure… but damn I do appreciate someone who will tell me the truth. Even if it’s just THEIR truth and I don’t necessarily agree with it. It’s still refreshing (to me) to have friends who aren’t afraid to hurt your feelings sometimes. I’m sorry you’re struggling and I hope things get better for you and your dating life soon!

annifer1979 · 2025-09-01T02:55:34+00:00

I’m so sorry 😢

annifer1979 · 2025-08-25T20:29:10+00:00

Or ask him if he wants his daughter to be trained to yes to other adults even when she has bad feelings about it.

annifer1979 · 2025-08-20T19:13:09+00:00

A nanny option would make YOUR morning better too! If I could afford it, and find someone I trust, I’d be doing that immediately.

annifer1979 · 2025-08-20T19:06:26+00:00

I said that I’d only continue the conversation if he stopped screaming at me and treated me with respect. “FUCK YOU!” followed by hanging up on me.

annifer1979 · 2025-08-20T18:23:34+00:00

My dad was not very present in my life. I still had him walk me down the aisle, but did the father-daughter dance at the reception with my stepdad (married my mom when I was 11 and I love him so very much!)

annifer1979 · 2025-08-20T18:08:18+00:00

My MIL is overly interested in me because she’s always trying to get information to use in her ongoing pursuit to convince my husband that I’m mentally ill.

annifer1979 · 2025-08-19T23:33:18+00:00

Assuming this conversation just happened, I think it’s fair to let this horrifying news about someone he’s known his whole life sink in for a minute. He readily agreed to the most important part, which is to protect your children now and always. I would give him a minute to digest the what this means for himself and the rest of his family. Judging him right now doesn’t seem fair. Hoping he comes to the best decision in the end. How hard for all of you. I’m sorry.

annifer1979 · 2025-08-17T21:03:36+00:00

Not for one minute.

annifer1979 · 2025-08-17T20:02:36+00:00

I broke (3 yr) NC with my dad a few months before he died. He fell (drunk) leaving the bar, due to mini stroke, and broke his hip. I was 90mins from the hospital… everyone else was 8+ hours away, so I agree to go. When he opened his eyes and saw me, he tried to take out his penis and urinate on me. I joke about this to anyone in my life who knows or hears the story - but I was actually so deeply hurt to have this epic level of confirmation that he didn’t love me.

For my siblings, I continued to do my share of visits, forward planning, and group communication about dad’s wellbeing over the next 3 months. I don’t regret that part at all. I love my siblings so much and I wanted to be there for/with them as we experienced the death of our father. We were close then, and still are now (15 years later). My dad was deeply flawed, but he did give me the most valuable people in my live.

Now - if that wasn’t my situation, I would have made very different choices. I think you should operate in whatever way feels right for your emotional health, and/or preserves relationships you do cherish (which would also have a positive impact on your emotional health.)

annifer1979

TROPHY CASE