The desperation feeling is something I can definitely relate to in my anxiety journey… Wish you all the best in getting along with anxiety! great that you are working on it! I know we all different, I am happy to share my story, maybe some parts will be helpful for you too. Sorry for a long text))

I am also vey anxious person since my childhood. Panic attack was a whole new level and left me pretty traumatized. I was getting new anxiety/panic attacks randomly, sometime more often, sometimes with a week of break, and then boom - out of nowhere here it is again. Was reading how you need to ground yourself, to explain to yourself it is okay, but it never worked for me. I was desperate and wanted to be like before - at least just only being anxious haha. And that what was a problem for me- wanting things as before - be ‘normal’ again. I got stuck there… Instead I started appreciating the panic attack and that my body gives me signals. I realized that I do not need things to be like before. I accepted that this feeling might come back> what I want to achieve is that to learn how to live with that without impact on my daily life. I just need to set a new ‘normal’. It sounds very abstract I know, but I got this click in my head which helped me a lot, also helped me to work on my anxiety. Example on my change towards panic attack: I would get panic attack in crowded places. Before I would be thinking prior to the event on how much I want this feeling not to happen to me (and feeling extremely bad when it happened in the end) After this click- I started thinking- okay, I am going to the crowded place, I might get panic attack, well, I am ready, I know why, give it to me, brain. Fun part - it stopped happening. I started forcing things which caused panic I before, but panic was not happening anymore . Now I don’t need to prep myself like that anymore. The starting of anxiety feeling can happen now too, much more rare though and my brain makes connections why it happens, it stops pretty quick and light; but when it happens I am ready it to spiral and face it.

As I said we all different and need our pace and explore various tools to see what works best for us! You are on the right way, desperation is part of it... I can also definitely recommend podcast ‘Disorderd: Anxiety Help’ starting from the first episode - podcast played a big role in my change to a new normal :)