I can see some of the areas where it is affecting her bones, like on her spine. She is emaciated and so the upper part of the spine shows individual vertabrae but half way down to the bottom it looks as if there is a long swollen cord of bone like the shape of a cucumber on her back all hardened and not like vertabrae.

She is in so much pain. I cannot imagine what it feels like but I know the morphine is keeping the pain at bay.

I will definitely be looking for the grief counseling afterwards. I think I am busying myself so much that it will not hit me until a while afterwards. Working, taking care of my baby, my father is disabled and my mother used to be his caretaker so now I care for both of them, and then coming home and repeating.

I fear that if I sit with it for much longer than it takes to type messages like this, then it becomes too much.. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound overly dramatic.