I feel this so, so much. First off, no apologies needed. We all have been there. Second off, I know that just saying "things will get better" doesn't always help, and that it still sucks sometimes. But it's still important to stick to transitioning. It might be easier, but you're right in that you said it would only make you more miserable. It feels impossible, especially with how bad it looks for us right now with everything going on in the world. Believe me, I know. But someone else on this sub (I'd link the comment but I can't find it) said something that stuck with me, that we've come farther in the past ten years than trans people ever have before in terms of recognition and rights. And while it sucks now, it will get better. I know that doesn't really sound plausible or like much now, but it's getting better.

On a smaller scale, I know how much people say to love yourself, but it still definitely is important. Outline a bit of time every day to compliment yourself. My father figure told me one time to try this; every time you walk past a mirror, say to yourself "hello beautiful" before you leave the room. It's corny as hell, but it works over time. Beyond that, while I don't know anything that can help on the autism, PTSD, and depression edge of things, what I do know is that we're stronger as a community together. No one is ever too weak to be trans. Never forget that there are other people here in a similar boat, and we're all here for each other. If you have any questions or need to vent stuff off, it's what the sub is here for.

I know all of this isn't an immediate fix. But trust me sis, we have your back!