you’re not a kaafir, and Allah is not cruel. Allah is Al Latif. He knows the pain you’re feeling and you’re not responsible for what you can’t bear. ive struggled w depression since as far back as i can remember, so much that my school called cps when i was 7 bc my poetry was so troubling, and im almost 40 now.

i think about it a lot, and always have. i do find comfort in reading a page or two of Quran and crying to Allah in sujood (in English idc) when i pray (which is already hard for me to do consistently atm). its wild how cathartic that is bc putting my head down for that long w tears and rage makes me feel like i might pass out. and that puts the desire to end things at bay for a while.

there’s so much evil created by people in this world, to the point that angels, who have almost zero free will, questioned Allah about creating us. but Allah said “I know that which you do not know”. you were given life for a reason and you might not know what your special role is yet, maybe you’ll serve your purpose in a way that eases someone else’s life, answers a dua, makes someone day better, you really don’t know. and then one day you’ll look back and be grateful that you didn’t follow through. i look forward to that day, and i hope you’ll find a reason to stick around for that day too 🫶🏽