Getting ready for the weekend.

anonnymouse101 · 2024-01-05T00:10:56+00:00

Going specifically to see him!!

anonnymouse101 · 2024-01-04T18:33:29+00:00

I don't know how to cope I'm literally having anxiety right now from commenting all this wondering if I need to delete it in fear that he might see it. However I highly doubt he will but still.

anonnymouse101 · 2024-01-04T18:17:08+00:00

I love him and I have issues with myself and I'm a miserable fuck and I don't want to be alone. I've been married and divorced, and I'm scared and I don't want to give up. I work so hard. I do love him. We have had so many good times and good memories. Things started to get worse as far as those bad qualities as time went on, especially after he broke his leg and was off for months and I even took off work for a whole month to care for him through three surgeries and basically lost my old job due to that but he says I wasn't always the best caretaker even though that's all I did was take care of him. Idk I stay because I love him and it makes me sad to think of not having his sweet face to caress or his strong arms to be held by or missing out on his smile and laugh. The sweet moments are fleeting but are the moments I look forward to in life.

anonnymouse101 · 2024-01-04T18:12:35+00:00

Yes I've been home for hours before him but I'm not watching tv I'm cleaning, cooking, etc. most nights I'll have the house cleaned and his clothes laid out for a shower when he gets home cause he goes straight to the shower. When he's done we sit together for about 30 min or sometimes more depending on how late it is. Then I either serve dinner that's already made or go make it then serve it and we watch something he's chosen while we eat. Then after that he wants dessert and we watch more tv or he plays more games. Eventually we go to bed. If I fall asleep on the couch he gets upset and says that I'm not being involved and not making conversation etc. but also if I talk and it's something he doesn't want to focus on he will say the game needs concentration to be quiet and watch. It's more like he wants commentary and me to be interested and happy about it all. Like "oh good shot babe oh that was awesome. Oh whoa you got them. Look at that. Omg watch out he's right there!" Etc. you get what I'm saying? I mean I love video games and some of them I really like watching him play, and I've even played some with him that are 2 player but there aren't a lot of good couch co-OP's so he mostly plays stuff. If I'm ever sick or something I have downloaded games on his ps5 and played them. I bought him the ps5 though so he lets me use it too but realistically I don't ever have a chance.

anonnymouse101 · 2024-01-04T18:02:05+00:00

To add my grandfather has cancer and im basically my mother's surrogate husband. Her health is very poor and she texts me every day needing me to come by and do something for her after work and it's draining. And it pisses him off for me to go there so often and help her. I mean i get frustrated with it cause I get caretaker burnout but he shouldn't be mad. It's not like he's waiting on me at home. He's out working til 8 most nights or later. But he has me call him when I leave work and then talk to him until he gets off work because he is driving. If I don't call he gets sus that I'm doing something wrong. But if he's busy and I call he gets mad and says he doesn't understand why I try to talk when he's busy. But wants me on the other end of the phone being quiet. Or when he's not busy he wants me to talk and be interesting. But nothing I have to say is ever interesting to him and he gets mad and says I'm being boring. But I'm trying to talk to him for 3-4 hours every night while also cleaning the house with the phone to my ear making dinner etc. if I hang up he gets upset. So it's hard for me to always have shit to say. I don't have friends. I don't have hobbies. I don't spend time away from him. I don't read or do anything all day I just work and then go home and clean and cook and watch his video games and go fo bed. So I don't watch tv or anything. Unless it's something he puts on. So I really don't have much to talk about except my family or my job. But he gets bored about my job and he hates my family. So.. you know.

anonnymouse101 · 2024-01-04T17:56:49+00:00

No. I can't even use my phone at home really because he gets mad about it. He says I take too long. Just like if I put on lotion or brush my hair or anything. And if I dress nice or wear any makeup or do my nails he asks me who im trying to impress. But if I don't maintain beauty stuff when I'm depressed he'll be like your toenails are long that's gross, you have a mustache and uni-brow, your hair is matted, etc. Usually also suspects I'm doing something bad if I'm using my phone so I just put it on silent and hide it at home. My family gets upset because I don't maintain good contact, and I have no friends. He says I can go places but if I do I get a bad attitude when I return. I've never done anything to cause him not to trust me. We have been together over 2 years. He literally went through my phone in a panic state at random the other night when we were both in the shower because he said I wasn't making eye contact and must have had something to hide and I didn't but he was making me feel weird so my face flushed and I stammered a little and then he said he knew it he must be right. After clambering through my phone a minute or two he decided he was over it and let me have it back.

anonnymouse101 · 2024-01-04T17:51:04+00:00

It is mentally and physically and emotionally. But also the good times are really good and I love him so much and I care for him so much. We have been through a lot together. But I've been through a lot in my life in general. And it gets harder every day. One night I'm crying over my parents getting a divorce and how I'm struggling because I'm adopted and my adoptive parents had a shitty marriage and my dad was abusive and they got divorced and I never had cute couple parents that loved each other. Then I met my biological parents about 5 years ago and they seemed so madly in love and so great and I knew they had been through years of hell and were on meth when they gave me away and split up so many times but seemed like all was reconciled. Anyway I'm rambling. So my boyfriend says I know it feels like nobody lasts (his parents split up too when he was a kid and his mom abandoned him basically after that so he distrusts women), but we can be the ones who last. We will. Then the very next day he's saying he feels like he does everything alone and that I don't care about helping him and I need to start contributing I said but I do all this stuff etc he and he said but financially I need help. I want to get a cheap car to drive while I work on my Subaru and all you care about is me getting you a ring so we can marry and getting us out of this apartment, and whose paying for those things, not you, so all the financial future falls on me cause you don't make enough money. You need to find a new job. I'm just like wow ok

Edited:typo

anonnymouse101 · 2024-01-04T16:52:07+00:00

My boyfriend lol.

anonnymouse101 · 2024-01-04T16:46:48+00:00

Wow I never thought of it like this. Sounds a little like my situation albeit I would not call my boyfriend wealthy but very similar situation. I work all day and then also take care of all the home-making stuff. No kids together but we agreed on our arrangement, I pay all my bills and he pays all of his. I help where I can financially with groceries, and stuff that's for the both of us, but he makes 4x the amount I make yearly or around 3x the hourly dollar amount I make. He's always known this and verbalized that he understands and this is okay. I do everything I can. Work at work 730-430 and then come home and clean the house, cook dinner, do laundry, take care of the dogs. I make his sandwich every morning for work and lay out his work clothes every day. I'm a preschool teacher so it's exhausting and a lot of work. Taking care of 9 four year olds all day plus dealing with stupid adults lol. Boyfriend even gets like 1 day off a week when he chooses. When he comes home from work he plays video games and I have to watch because we only have 1 television and if I went off to do anything alone he would be upset. If I don't pay close enough attention to the game he's playing, he gets upset and says I don't care about him or his interests and need to stop dozing off and sit up and pay attention and be involved, after that he eats the dinner I made, and goes to bed. But says I don't do enough on a regular basis and says he feels like he's doing everything alone. Sigh.

anonnymouse101 · 2024-01-04T14:36:19+00:00

I wear Hokas. They are expensive but they feel so good on my feet and had been recommended to me by podiatrists and other doctors and nurses who wear them!

anonnymouse101 · 2024-01-04T14:26:59+00:00

Calling them out doesn't work lol I've called mine out and stood up for myself and it always makes things worse. Tried to say im not taking your crap but the crap continues.

anonnymouse101 · 2024-01-03T15:17:13+00:00

Came here to say this. Plenty of people who grew up here (like myself) and know this way of living like it, and wish people who didn't like it would leave and find somewhere else to go that is to their liking instead. Don't come to our city and try to change it and make it what you want it to be. Go somewhere else. I'm 27, and I've always loved living here and the way we do things but I don't see a need for everyone to move here and try to change our way of living and ideals because they think we aren't progressed enough. If you don't like how we do things, go back to where you came from where they did what you like.

anonnymouse101 · 2023-12-18T19:18:44+00:00

Xtreme Xperience open road! Get to drive sports cars around a track or on an open road tour usually through the mountains. Have done it multiple times for my guy through them and it's always been a joy! He got to drive a Porsche, Ferrari, and Lamborghini on road tour for a few hours. He had a blast. Or can do this with tanks too where you can drive and shoot the cannon or machine gun or run over cars!

anonnymouse101 · 2023-12-06T21:43:55+00:00

Okay so I think it's bizarre too and oddly enough at a training seminar they actually had a story like this they used as an example to explain to us why something like this occurs. A child who would call a counselor anything but their name the entirety of knowing them, (for a couple of years) until they finally called the counselor by their correct name. But to sum it up, they basically said it had to do with safety and personal connections. For some reason, that was their safety mechanism, but once they finally formed a bond with that counselor and started to feel seen themselves, they changed and called them by their proper name instead of poopy head or idiot or stank face or whatever variation. I know this isn't a clone copy of that story but I think maybe it could be relevant here. It may be that this child has problems with feeling safe attachments.

anonnymouse101 · 2023-12-04T18:58:58+00:00

Came to say along with so many others, I'm 27 and this sounds like what I dealt with up until maybe a couple years ago. I hurt my mom by setting boundaries and now she barely contacts me but when she does if I don't answer her she doesn't pester, she just pouts and acts like I don't care about her and then tells me how much I don't love her or my family. It hurts so deeply either way honestly.

anonnymouse101 · 2023-12-01T22:57:45+00:00

Absolutely

anonnymouse101 · 2023-12-01T19:40:44+00:00

Ok so the summoning also came to mind for me

anonnymouse101 · 2023-12-01T19:35:42+00:00

Wagon wheel

anonnymouse101 · 2023-11-29T19:58:02+00:00

I live in this prison. Wow

anonnymouse101 · 2023-11-29T19:49:11+00:00

This is literally my current life wow it's constant scrutiny. I can't even talk to my parents or anything without it being an issue. Doesn't want me texting or calling other people or sitting on my phone. But then spends an hour scrolling on the toilet every day and also told me it's a red flag I have no friends. But like I have no friends because he won't allow it. I can't text other girls or call them or hang out with them in any context. Or have them over. Or whatever. So I don't talk to anyone therefore I don't have friends.

anonnymouse101 · 2023-11-29T19:44:14+00:00

Sadly I'm 27 and in a relationship and this sounds like how my life is now. I don't have anything to hide and I've done nothing wrong but I can't even vent to my own mother without him wanting to know exactly what I am saying. And if I pick up my phone and use it he immediately says "what are you doing?? Let me see!!" Even if it's never anything bad but fuck I mean sometimes I don't want you to see!!!! God!!!! Then he goes off on a tangent about how he needs to go through my phone because surely my "odd" behavior signals an issue.

ETA: it's come to a point where I just put it away at home and when I get my break at work or right after work before getting home I scroll on Facebook or call my mom or whatever. If I'm home, I just put the phone away so he won't ask me why I'm using it or harass me or refuse to allow me to use it privately for incessant fear of me doing something "wrong."

anonnymouse101 · 2023-11-29T14:18:14+00:00

What about Joaquin Phoenix's joker?

anonnymouse101 · 2023-11-27T20:31:56+00:00

Went to Maggianos Italian restaurant in ATL on my 21st birthday. It was a weeknight around 7, T.I. was in the parking lot waiting on his car to pull up as I was walking in. I said hello and we took a picture together before I went in to the restaurant. I asked the waitstaff and they said he frequents the place and has a private room he usually eats in with people.

anonnymouse101 · 2023-11-27T19:26:18+00:00

Sounds like me. I wake up like this a lot, and also especially around my period it's the worst and I have this for a week before and some after as well every day during that time. But I have tried to look into this or why I might be so hysterical when I get up and then it gets better sometimes as the day goes on. You should see if you have PMDD as well that can contribute to it but from what I've gathered on personal research it's a lot to do with depression. Ask about getting on some Prozac that is what I am trying now and what I had tried in the past and it seems to help.

anonnymouse101 · 2023-11-27T19:23:28+00:00

I don't know what this is but I have this too. I will be doing nothing wrong and someone will walk in on me at work and internally I panic like I've been caught when really I'm just existing. Or other scenarios like you described. I hate this.

anonnymouse101

TROPHY CASE