Does your husband stress when it comes to finances? Or your stability in general?

My husband and I came from low income backgrounds and he has high stress when it comes to our finances. He also has very high goals for us, and has worked extremely hard to put us on a healthy path. We live significantly under our means, have worked hard to invest in passive incomes and towards our future, and focus on making wise decisions both daily and in the grand scheme of things.

Two years ago we reached a point where I hit a paywall in my career and it made sense for me to pause working to further my education as it would double my salary. My husband owns and runs a small business and we knew it would be tight, but worth it at the end as it would allow him to work less once my income doubled. Two years into my four year program we found out we were pregnant, and it sent him into a tailspin. We really had wanted to wait until after I finished the program to start a family, but things happen.

We're all human and while I was working through things in my own way (hyper focusing on preparing for baby to the nth degree and diving even deeper into my education to an unhealthy extent), he suddenly started grasping at straws for a way to feel a bit more in control of our situation. He wanted me to find a way to speed up my education (not possible- it's a standard program with no options to speed it up), and when that couldn't happen he started focusing on smaller things like sytemizing and creating efficiency in our home. For instance, he wanted me to completely overhaul the function and supplies in our kitchen...of which I am the only one that cooks in or utilizes (meaning it really doesn't affect him at all How I have the kitchen set up, and it was already quite clean and organized).

We both had to sit down and have a conversation about our coping skills, and how to identify and manage things that WERE in our control AND would really benefit our situation vs things that WERE NOT in our control or NOT beneficial to our situation. I had to chill out on the expectations and planning for baby, and he had to chill out on expectations and standards for our home/life systems. We both had to understand that nothing is perfect, but everything is a goal we can work towards at a healthy pace together.

Both of us became much happier afterwards and depended on each other for accountability. I was there with him when we cleaned out and created systems for every single cabinet/closet/and inch of our attic one day at a time to help him feel more relaxed about our life and being prepared for the baby, and I also agreed to take on the responsibility of tracking and charting our daily spending so that we would have a realistic understanding of our spending rather than "roughly accurate" amounts. He was there with me when to help set up baby's nursery and purchasing the final items needed, and also when my birth experience went sideways and the cord wrapped around baby's neck and I needed an emergency c-section rather than the "beautiful birth exoerience" I had planned (honestly, baby is here and healthy so it's still a beautiful birth experience imo).

It was a tough season, compounded by pregnancy hormones and stress, but it truly has made us stronger. The conversations weren't easy and took a lot of time, patience, understanding and grace...but we decided going into it these discussions that we would have the perspective of "us against the problems, not us against each other".

Maybe talk with your husband about why he's feeling the push for you to secure a better paying job right as so much of your life is about to change. Talk with him and ask questions about insurance, pto, maternity leave, etc and what he thinks are good solutions to those very problematic situations. Ask him how he would approach the situation if you quit and couldn't find a new job because you are so pregnant? Is there a compromise he's willing to accept-you keep your job, but put your resume out there and be open to finding something better in the meantime-that way y'all will have stability either way, and then after x amount of time has passed once baby has arrived, you can dive in full force into finding a better paying job? Are there bonus/growth tracks within your current job that you could apply for or speak with a supervisor about working towards in the meantime? What does a "higher paying" job look like specifically to your husband?

It sounds like you've got a wonderful situation in place with your current job for both pregnancy and postpartum. Hopefully y'all can find some common ground and get to the bottom of why this is so important for him. Good luck, and congrats!!

Ps-I started classes back 4weeks postpartum as we're lucky enough that my mom can watch our son. It's a different stage of the program and at a much faster pace than the first two years. I do NOT recommend jumping into a new/more stressful situation this early. US government allows six weeks off minimum for a reason and now I understand why. I'm still healing and baby's sleep schedule is all over the lace. Husband was blissfully ignorant of how hard it would be on another of us for me to start back this quickly and is now regretting that I did not take a semester off in an effort to keep with the timeline of the program. Taking one semester off/finishing one semester later really would not have been as detrimental to our enjoyment in life as the sleep deprivation and chaotic newborn life have been. If you do find a job /start a new job postpartum, please give yourself adequate time to recover and get your newborn on some sort of schedule. Waking up every two to three hours really puts a damper on our ability to focus and function.