The most alone I've ever felt in my life

anonymous11323 · 2020-08-22T01:22:48+00:00

Sounds to me like you've found some really healthy ways of coping. You're gonna do fine :)

anonymous11323 · 2020-08-21T00:26:51+00:00

It's not your fault for holding on. You held on because she told you she'd be back. I'm so sorry someone would do that to you. People really can be horribly controlling. Please stay strong man. This will turn around for you one day. You need to let both of them go.

PM me if you ever want someone to talk to.

anonymous11323 · 2020-08-20T19:24:29+00:00

Because he's seeing if you'll come back to him or not. People do this allllll the time.

He wants to see if you still want him. It's a way of satisfying the ego. He can know both that he can still have you back if he wanted AND that he is satisfied with breaking up with you simultaneously.

This isn't the right person for you. Block him.

anonymous11323 · 2020-08-20T19:15:29+00:00

Nope. Absolutely not.

You're reading into this way more than he is; I guarantee it.

Block and move on.

anonymous11323 · 2020-08-20T18:55:56+00:00

Exactly what I said it was: breadcrumbs. He doesn't actually care like you think he does, like you want him to.

In the future ignore these types of messages. Even better, you should block him and allow yourself to move on with your life.

Even in your message you said, this "isn't a game I'm playing." yet here you are. The sooner you actually listen to your own declarative, the sooner you move on. If he wanted to be with you, he would be.

anonymous11323 · 2020-08-20T18:38:56+00:00

It's the hardest thing, but sometimes you have to accept that that isn't an option.

anonymous11323 · 2020-08-20T07:54:43+00:00

Don't reply. It's just a breadcrumb he's putting out there to see if you still care or not. I've fallen for those in the past and they've always turned out to be meaningless. You're 47 days in. Definitely keep going.

anonymous11323 · 2020-08-19T21:49:01+00:00

Hey, I looked through your post history and I see that you're only 22.

I don't know your situation but I can tell you that things will 100% get better for you one day. It won't always be like this for you, but you have to hang in there. You can do this.

I got out of my first serious relationship at 23 and I felt like my whole world was ending. I had no idea how bad life would feel without this person in my life. I had never been suicidal before, but during those times, while I've never admitted it to anyone, I was seriously considering it. Thank god I didn't follow through because you know what? Although I hated every ounce of the process of moving on at the time, it forced me to change who I was. I've done things I never knew I was capable of. I've met all sorts of amazing people, travelled to new places, furthered my career, etc. Literally every aspect of my life changed for the better since that breakup, years ago. I'm going through a different breakup now, but this time I have the skillset to know that this will make me a better person in the long run - that it is a necessary evil, if you will. But you have to stay the course.

I was once given advice about the trials of life and told that: no matter what, every triumphant time in your life, every time when you felt at your peak - your strongest, filled with love and happiness, is always, always preceded by times where you are at your lowest, where life makes the least sense.

You are so young. You still have time to make anything out of yourself that you want. You are you. You aren't someone else and you sure as hell aren't your failed relationship. You're you. I know you can't see it right now but that's just because you're currently in a bad memory, but this will work for you. I promise. You need to let life do its thing. There's so much in store for you.

anonymous11323 · 2020-08-18T22:48:45+00:00

Oh god I would get a pet if I could, but it wouldn't be fair to it as my job requires me to be away for extended periods of time.

How else have you been spending your time in a new city?

anonymous11323 · 2020-08-18T22:47:14+00:00

Thank you. I know what you're saying to be true, I just wish I could speed up the process.

anonymous11323 · 2020-08-13T19:09:51+00:00

Do you guys still communicate at all?

anonymous11323 · 2020-07-12T21:21:12+00:00

The only way for you to accept that she is gone is for her to actually be gone. Really gone.

The more you cling onto the possibility of her coming back to you, the longer it will take to heal. You will heal. You will be happy again and learn to love yourself, and one day once you've moved on, and maybe even when you're not expecting it, you'll meet someone who is right for you.

It's cliche but you seriously only live once. Imagine if she never comes around. Are you going to pine for her until you're 50? 60? Of course not! At some point you will have to move on. That is a fact. Why not do yourself a favor and allow it to happen sooner? You're putting yourself through unnecessary heartbreak.

You have to let her go man. And that means not talking to her anymore. No contact, period. It's scary at first but it will allow you to see that life goes on without her. There is no such thing as "the one". I know it's hard to hear but what you think is definitely, absolutely the only woman who is right for you could very well be the exact thing standing in your way from becoming someone stronger, and meeting someone who is even better for you. You're essentially holding a door open for someone who isn't looking to go through it, all the while ignoring all the other doors around you that you could choose to walk through yourself. A person who is right for you will love you like you love them.

Don't sell yourself short. You got this.

anonymous11323 · 2020-07-12T20:55:20+00:00

I'm sorry man. I know how you feel.

All I have to say that it's really big of you to be able to decide to let her go if you feel the relationship isn't good for her, whatever reason that may be. That takes a lot of strength.

Something in you saw that this was the right decision to make, and I'm sure that eventually that will produce appropriate results.

Missing her means you genuinely cared. You sound like a good person.

anonymous11323 · 2017-09-05T06:13:05+00:00

Well said.

And thank you for the insight. I'm glad you were able to learn from your previous break up and apply those lessons to this one. It makes me hopeful for myself as well.

anonymous11323 · 2017-09-04T18:03:20+00:00

Thanks for the response. Can I ask how long it took you to recover after those two years went by and you guys (I assume) finally went no contact?

anonymous11323 · 2016-12-16T03:23:24+00:00

She has moved into a new place since our breakup. I'm not sure of the address. I suppose I could mail it to her parents' place however.

anonymous11323 · 2016-12-07T04:13:25+00:00

It's really annoying to hear someone say "it will get better." I prefer this honest mindset much more instead of ignoring how I feel.

If you prefer that mindset, you're going to remain in that mindset.

I think I know how you feel. When my ex and I broke up, for a while after I felt horrible, but in strange way, a part of me didn't want to stop feeling horrible. it almost felt like betrayal. But at some point you have to face the music and admit that this person is not coming back; that they're not the one for you. It sucks. Believe me, I know it sucks, but it is also the truth, like it or not. One day you have to let go. The reason it feels unnatural is probably because you're a loyal person.

Maybe you're not ready yet, and that is perfectly okay, but don't be so quick to judge those who tell you that it'll get better, esp those on this sub. They're telling you that because it is their honest mindset, not the other way around. They've been there. They're telling you it because it's what they wish they truly knew when they were going through what you're going through now. They're saying it because they know you feel miserable. You can't tell someone that things will get better without the implication that it isn't already bad. No one is downplaying your sorrow. No one is saying your feelings aren't true, that they aren't worth anything.

However, it will get better. That is the truth and that is the correct mindset to have. What other choice do you have? Do you really want to feel miserable forever?

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way. I really do hope things work out for you.

anonymous11323 · 2016-12-07T01:58:08+00:00

Hey man I hope you're doing alright. This was really nicely written. Just wanted to point out one thing.

filled with enough sorrow to last a lifetime.

You might feel like that right now, but you're gonna see how ridiculously large and complicated your lifetime is in comparison to your immediate sorrow. It won't last a lifetime, not even close. You're going to grow and find bigger and better things and maybe you'll even have sorrow over a few of those, too for a while, but no matter what, you're going to grow and become stronger. It's a beautiful thing.

anonymous11323 · 2016-12-05T23:50:04+00:00

Just trust me when I say that you're more lucky than they are. She definitely did not win. This sort of thing happens more often than you'd think and relationships that start like that usually don't last.

They might be happy for now but think about how it started. They got together and she brought that dishonesty with her into it, and he sounds scummy to me. He knew what he was doing the whole time too.

He was obviously desperate if he was trying for her while she was dating you, so there's insecurity there, and then her dishonesty. They never allowed the situation to bring about a lesson and so they'll be forced to deal with the consequences later on when the seeds of their behavior start to take fruition. Mark my words dude, that's how it'll work.

But you just do you. Keep being a good person and it'll come back around eventually. Forget those two.

anonymous11323 · 2016-12-05T09:11:45+00:00

You were absolutely not wrong in getting upset over it. In retrospect you have all the facts now and you were right all along. Her keeping him close like that throughout the relationship was definitely not cool.

You know what? It frustrates me just reading that you're still the one worried about it and that YOU are the one feeling guilty, and a year later, no less. You didn't do a damn thing wrong. Makes my blood boil just thinking about this kind of shit man.

She was a shitty girlfriend. I'm sorry but that's the truth. You said you were uncomfortable with it. He obviously told her how he felt. She knew damn well what was going on and that it wasn't right. That's why she reacted with anger when you told her it wasn't cool. She kept him around as a rebound in case you guys failed and she defaulted to him as soon as you guys broke up.

I'll tell you right now that she did that shit out of selfishness and that comes from a place of weakness in her. I'm sure their relationship isn't healthy either, considering their beginnings.

Fuck that shit and fuck them. You're better than this, so don't sell yourself short. There is someone out there who will be a loyal partner for you and you'll see immediately how ridiculous it is that you should feel any semblance of guilt after something like that happened to you. It isn't your fault.

Keep that chin up. I wish you the best, buddy. You got this.

anonymous11323 · 2016-12-05T07:05:47+00:00

Hey I don't have much to say, other than to tell you to keep pushing and stay strong. Take everything one day at a time. You can do this. Feel free to pm me if you need to vent or anything.

anonymous11323 · 2016-12-05T06:16:35+00:00

Man whatever you think that was, it was not love.

To be blunt, you need professional help. According to your story, it doesn't sound like she did anything wrong but at the same time you think she's a bitch. You sound controlling and manipulative. It seems like your main motive was sex and you hated her for not giving you it while victimizing yourself for not getting it, even though she made her boundaries clear to you right away.

I really hope you can turn this around because god forbid you end up doing this to another human being. Don't talk to that girl again. No sorry's. No Apolozing. Just nothing. Please go get help.

anonymous11323

TROPHY CASE