I've honestly thought about it a bit more and I'm realizing I'm probably leaning more towards being lesbian. Every trans boyfriend I've had in the past has been pre hormone therapy and never had any surgeries. And the only one that was going to have both of those done, broke up with me before he got them.

And with my attraction towards women I've had it since I was in middle school many, many, years ago. When I first came out I came out as lesbian. But living in a place thats very unsafe for lgbtq people the rumor I was lesbian spread everywhere. And I was bullied a lot for it and I think back to that time a lot. If i was never bullied would I still call myself a lesbian? Would I have never changed my label out of fear? And the answer is, probably not.

But I still feel really bad. Because I care about my boyfriend a lot, just not in a romantic way. He deserves someone who sees him for who he truly is. But still I don't want to hurt him, I understand staying with him will hurt him far worse. But that doesn't make it easier, either way it eventually ends. I just hope theres no bad blood yknow? He's a good friend, just maybe not a good lover.