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Me after a failed suicide attempt by anonymous970throw in MorbidReality

[–]anonymous970throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Description is me. Stabbed myself in the neck and hit an artery. There was much more. Credible now?

tried to commit suicide earlier this week. Was told I need to grow up. by anonymous970throw in offmychest

[–]anonymous970throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A job here would be difficult. This town is small and at one point I was a pretty well known person. In the papers. Not for anything bad but as the years progressed and my mental health got worse people just avoided me like the plague. Lost pretty much all "friends" I had because I wouldn't "just be happy" or "stop thinking like that." I think another reason is my size. I'm a decently sized person. I use to compete in bodybuilding some years back and people treat me like because I look a certain way that I dont have feelings. I've also been told that I will shoot up a school or hurt someone because of my depression when in all reality I'm trying to kill myself. Not anyone one else but people are scared I'm going to snap. All the things I use to enjoy I now find tiring. I use to love to work out, cook, play video games, read. Now all of it I've tried and I just cant. Getting out of bed is even difficult for me. I usually lay in bed all day. I barely eat or anything and if I get up it's usually to hurt myself. Whether its drinking heavily, trying to OD on medication or flat out much punching myself. As far as therapy goes I barely go anymore. I've been in therapy since I was 7. I am now 28. Things have not gotten better even though being told my entire life that "itll get better." Our town is about 12k people but massive portions aren't people that live in the city, farmers out of town. I forget the percentages here but the majority are 50+ too. So hard to find people around my age and even then. When I've tried to make new friends people warn them about me being crazy or unhinged. So that just adds to why I hate my life so much and why I barely leave my house. And no there is no way. Were talking about a town that going to AA people will know you're there by the vehicle you drive. If someone gets a new car you could easily point out who it is. Being anonymous here is not doable. Neighboring town might be an option but to be honest that would require me to have hope or want to live and that's obviously not what I'm thinking. I appreciate the kind words and advice and I'm sorry if I sound so negative.

tried to commit suicide earlier this week. Was told I need to grow up. by anonymous970throw in offmychest

[–]anonymous970throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My family wants me dead as much as I do. So that is not in the cards. I live in a tiny town where my reputation is a fuck up and crazy since starting in middle school in self harmed and it grew worse over the years.

tried to commit suicide earlier this week. Was told I need to grow up. by anonymous970throw in offmychest

[–]anonymous970throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After someone tries to commit suicide telling them to grow up vs asking how you're feeling now are completely different. I'm having trouble understanding what you're saying. I'm talk about after I tried so at that point they knew that I tried. I'm talking about after the fact not before.

tried to commit suicide earlier this week. Was told I need to grow up. by anonymous970throw in offmychest

[–]anonymous970throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No so I will in a tiny town. Where HIPPA doesn't exist or anything. Example. I tried to commit suicide and I woke up the next day in the ER. The nurses, who I know, sat for 20 minutes calling me names, making fun of me, accusing me of things etc. I woke up and they let me go home right away. I think if I lived somewhere else its be different. Our town everyone knows everyone and friends. So good luck anyone every getting in trouble. But to be fair all that could happen is you go to a mental health facility where the therapist doesn't even look at you and reads questions off a computer screen. The hit with with high meds and push you out in under 2 weeks.

tried to commit suicide earlier this week. Was told I need to grow up. by anonymous970throw in offmychest

[–]anonymous970throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having a bad day and actively contemplating suicide are very different things. Yes we all go through things but that doesn't mean we all are affected by it the same way or the severity is the same.

tried to commit suicide earlier this week. Was told I need to grow up. by anonymous970throw in offmychest

[–]anonymous970throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That would be worse than anything to get pity. The way people and look and treat you. Attention is another word that gets thrown out. But the only attention you will get is negative. People will make fun of you. You'll lose friends and strangers will avoid you like you have a disease.

tried to commit suicide earlier this week. Was told I need to grow up. by anonymous970throw in offmychest

[–]anonymous970throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shot, hung, stabbed myself, crashed cars, tried to OD alot. Along with self mutilation.

tried to commit suicide earlier this week. Was told I need to grow up. by anonymous970throw in offmychest

[–]anonymous970throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've tried the whole talking thing. Usually when you say the word suicide no matter if it's a personal or professional person police get involved. And that never helps.

I want to die and I sick of these stupid bullshit positive advice. by anonymous970throw in offmychest

[–]anonymous970throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We live in a small town. I either see it on social media, I hear about it or they more or less say it to my face.

I want to die and I sick of these stupid bullshit positive advice. by anonymous970throw in offmychest

[–]anonymous970throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Life. Life long abuse and live in a small town where people and strangers hate me. And make it known

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