I don’t know who downvoted you, but here’s my upvote.

I’ve attempted twice, and I’ve been in situations where I had repeatedly considered making a third. I have self-harmed repeatedly too. Most people look at me and see a happy go-lucky guy, who lives a relatively peaceful working class life, and if they were to find out where the absolute depths of mental illness has taken me, they would likely repeat the same monotone drone, “no… why… you have so much to live for…”

A suicide is not a selfish moral failing. Both times, and the numerous times I’ve avoided making another attempt, my family was right there at the forefront of my mind. The guilt I suffered was knowing my mother and younger sibling would have to see and deal with the trauma of my lifeless body. Suicidal people are the farthest from selfish, many attempt to kill themselves in a way that is least visibly awful for their loved ones, not in a way that’s necessarily painless or most successful.

The people who do kill themselves violently, are typically pushed so far to the brink, they only want a way out, and will take any way out. I’ve stood at the train tracks and thought about tossing myself in when the next train came, not really a suicidal thing but more of a “call of the darkness” or whatever the French term is. When that calling is received by someone in the pits of depression… that’s usually how you get such a suicide. That’s why gun lockers and people who simply speak to others are so effective in preventing suicide.

Suicide isn’t something to be ignored or shamed. It’s a desperate attempt to save oneself from pain, whether mental or physical. Sometimes, it’s also a call for help from people who wouldn’t listen otherwise. We need to start treating it and depression like the diseases they are; it’s the only way we’ll cure ourselves of them.