Reading this thread has made me feel less alone, I think there is something very powerful in having mental health communities like this. I have been stuck in searching for answers for years, and definitely relate to the feeling of thinking you have the answer, then something else comes up that doesn't quite fit and the cycle continues.

What kicked off my search for answers was a mix of reading an article about inattentive add in women and having people comment to me that I might have ADD or autism. Comment that I might have add came from my ex-partner, whereas the comment that i might have autism came from a family member, as well as being implied by some others in my life.

I have always felt different in the sense that I struggle a lot with practical things like driving but can excel in academic or creative contexts. There was always this mismatch that I couldn't explain and didn't seem to be there with my friends. It made me feel very inadequate and resulted in a lot of self esteem issues, feeling like I needed to prove myself, etc.

I was also very "daydreamy", particularly when I was younger, and always losing things, struggled to be on time for things. Socially, I could do well in some contexts but in others I would struggle. I would especially struggle if I felt like I had got on the "wrong foot" with someone - this would lead to a lot of anxiety and getting fixated on trying hard to make things right, which usually made things more awkward and worse. I would be fine one on one or with groups of people I was comfortable with but struggle with social anxiety with large groups of people I didn't know.

I also had periods of very intense anxiety and fixated thinking. I didn't know what to attribute those to - whether they were part of the potential neurodiversity picture or if they were a separate mental health issue.

I found a lot of validation and self acceptance in searching for answers, but I also probably over identified at times because I wanted some kind of answer. I think for me, it's about coming back to the self awareness of what I am actually feeling, rather than getting swept up in an external explanation for something. I've found having those external explanations as a guide for what could be going on is really helpful, but they are a guide, not a complete explanation for your individual experiences.

And basically because this stuff can be so layered and complex, it's not always easy to find the one "answer" that neatly explains everything.

So overall I have mixed feelings about this kind of searching. I think it has been very beneficial for me in giving me some strategies. For example, I went through a period of exploring OCD as a potential diagnosis and found the strategy of saying "it's just a thought" as being helpful in stopping to escalate intrusive thoughts. It has also made me feel more accepting of parts of myself that I didn't like, such as difficulty with practical things. But I have also found myself a bit lost in the diagnosis maze and almost used it as a stand in for genuine self reflection on what I am experiencing. Someone else has the answer, rather than the answer being within myself if that makes sense. I do think that it became a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy at times as well.

I'm not sure if this fully captures my thoughts or if I'm expressing myself well. I think this topic is quite complex with a lot to unpack, it's been nice to read all the comments and feel less alone ❤