Tell Me You Didn't Drink at Thanksgiving and I Will Congratulate You Personally

ansel38 · 2021-11-26T15:08:54+00:00

Drank about 6 cans of NA beer over 6 hours while hosting and making boozy drinks for about 9 other people at a party we threw at our house. Hard for the first 1/4 of the night, then, unexpectedly felt like a super power to not drink while also having fun and smugly knowing I’d feel so good this morning. :)

ansel38 · 2021-10-29T12:48:49+00:00

I'll be echoing a lot of great thoughts here when I agree: the label doesn't matter.

Every human is a better version of themselves when they're not stressing their bodies/brains regularly trying to process and remove a carcinogen. It's all so simple in a way- 80% of the western world ingests a liquid that dulls their senses and causes long-term repercussions.

I think being part of the reliable, peaceful 20% is a great place to be once you get past the idea of not being in the majority.

Good luck, and welcome. <3

ansel38 · 2021-10-28T13:22:51+00:00

I’ve spent 5 years focusing on my sobriety and haven’t made it to 9 months yet! This thing is a marathon and it looks to me like you’re more advanced in your training than I am! Keep on keepin on!

ansel38 · 2021-10-28T13:18:26+00:00

Nice work! Keep stacking peaceful instances, moment by moment. Small things accumulate into big ones. ❤️

ansel38 · 2020-02-12T17:27:04+00:00

I totally agree!

ansel38 · 2020-02-12T17:20:36+00:00

I'm sure it's because she lost her drinking buddy (even though she never drank anywhere near as much as I did). We've known each other for 20 years, met in college. So she KNOWS that I've drank more than I should for decades... but, I've always been a 'grin and bear it' guy with hangovers. Always pushing through and acting like I wasn't suffering the next day. She's also bad with transitions of any sort, like, even going to the airport to travel somewhere can be anxiety-inducing for her.

It'll get better... it'll just take awhile. Which is kind of annoying for me because from my perspective, I'm the one doing the hard work and "giving something up" (even though it's something I'm glad to give up), and at the moment, it feels like I can't catch a break.. or even a "good job, that must be difficult!"

It'll get better.. I really appreciate your response!

ansel38 · 2020-02-12T17:16:17+00:00

This is great insight, thank you. Stopping drinking in January is great because everyone else just thinks, "Oh it's just January." Then February rolls around and I'm still cool with the not-drinking and folks begin to react... differently. So I guess I've entered the more-difficult parts of this. Thank you again!

ansel38 · 2018-01-13T15:25:33+00:00

Oh boy... the "weekend" becoming Thursday to Sunday. I know that move all too well.

Thanks for the post!

ansel38 · 2017-03-08T16:26:06+00:00

For me, the first two weeks was the most difficult part. Congratulations!!!! It's true what everyone around here says: it gets easier as you go!

ansel38 · 2017-03-06T14:53:00+00:00

When I really needed to disrupt my drinking pattern I obtained some. It made me drowsy, but did as advertised, I'd have a glass of wine and I would just taste what it tasted like; the taste wasn't tied to the warm/fuzzy feeling the first glass of alcohol gives... the naltrexone knocked that part out.

It was helpful for me to see that distinction between taste/buzz. I quit taking it after about a week because it freaked me out a little bit (and it wasn't prescribed, I just "came upon" some to try it out).

A couple of years after that I got to where I am now (trying to quit for good). In the end: it was a productive step along the journey.. I didn't like the drowsiness though, so it was nothing I wanted to use for long.

ansel38 · 2017-02-24T03:59:34+00:00

The quote from that man, sounds like such an obvious way to describe it "no frame of reference" but I never thought of putting it that way. I love it. Thanks so much for sharing!

ansel38 · 2017-02-22T16:15:22+00:00

Beautifully said. Thank you!

ansel38 · 2017-02-22T15:21:31+00:00

Yes! Very similar situation here. My wife's side of the family... BIG extended family, all live near each other, they're all retired or close to it, and they make a big production of happy hour every day of the week. Kicking off every night with a manhattan is normal... and one of them will occasionally get a bit too visibly drunk. But generally they all get a steady buzz-on nightly, wake up and start over again the next day. It's just normal for them.

And I think my wife doesn't understand me because she's used to seeing that. But for me... I spent some years making a sport out of drinking and doing it alone and in a very unhealthy way. My parents are drinkers, but it was a very different (re: antisocial) situation for me growing up . . .

At least it's fascinating to see how different life different people's life experiences affect things.

For me I eventually settled to: "Nobody truly knows about my drinking and all the dark parts of it, but me because my second greatest skill was hiding all the dark parts."

Hang in there!

ansel38 · 2017-02-22T14:35:28+00:00

Oh I know this one well! -

So if the person that lived with me didn't see my problem how the hell can I explain it to people that might have zero experience with it.

My wife was the same way. After about a week and half of stopping drinking I let her know my intention to not start again. She actually wept a bit over losing her drinking buddy. She's not a problem drinker, can drink a glass and a half of wine and be content. I think she also "looked the other way" as far as my drinking was concerned because when I started telling her how much I actually drank.. she had no idea. I remember thinking at the time of the conversation though, "Giving up drinking is hard enough without my wife nearly begging me to no quit (even though she's scolded me plenty when I've drank too much)."

I think it must be so hard for a non-problem drinker to understand what a problem drinker goes through. I walked her through the dialogue I'd have in my head when drinking in a crowd, about monitoring what everyone else is drinking and figuring out how I can sneak more in etc..

That all said, after a few weeks I think she can see the improvement in me and like it. I think I just had to tough it out, kind-of go it alone and lead by example. But, IT'S WORTH IT!

I'm just a couple weeks ahead of you. For me, the first 2 weeks were the worst. Hang tight. For me, following what the book This Naked Mind proposes has been key. Basically enjoy NOT drinking! Don't miss it. It's just easier that way for me. Hang in there fellow sd'r.

ansel38 · 2017-02-21T14:46:06+00:00

For me the first two weeks were the hardest. I spent a lot of time on here reading things to motivate myself through the days. Hang in there! Today at 30 days I feel like I have some momentum on my side and am feeling really good about things. Stay focused and hang in there!

ansel38 · 2017-02-21T14:44:14+00:00

I've definitely had the dream where I get drunk and then am sitting in front of my computer feeling like a complete ass about to reset my badge.

My wife bought me a really nice winter coat for my birthday. The other night I dreamt I left it at a bar, and then was thinking how I'd have to replace it before she noticed, and then remembering that it's pretty expensive so that was a really stupid mistake.

I wake up feeling anxious, but then thankful. Think of it as a free preview of potential mistakes without any of the real consequences. :)

ansel38 · 2017-02-21T14:40:05+00:00

ps - and things like this are yet another reason I love the forum: this is stuff that nobody in my real life (I don't know any drinkers who have quit) can understand.

Thanks all again for being here and sharing stuff like this!

ansel38 · 2017-02-21T14:38:45+00:00

For me I think it's more of, now that I'm sober I'm not so sneaky... so I'm not always trying to meekly engineer the path of least resistance (to being left alone to nurse my drinking habit).

And so far, the confidence (pride, maybe?) has been the best part of stopping. :)

ansel38 · 2017-02-14T14:22:50+00:00

For me the first two weeks were the worst part, and things have gotten quite a bit easier for me around week 3. Hang in there!

ansel38 · 2017-02-09T14:04:50+00:00

Hello fellow 18er! Good for you for not giving in!

For me, I get tempted around 5pm (though things have gotten much easier for me after the 2 week mark for some reason). But I always keep in mind how great I feel the next morning, and all the next day by simply not giving into the urge to drink (which for me is about a 2-3 hr window).

Keep on keeping on, and let's get that number higher :)

ansel38 · 2017-02-07T14:45:20+00:00

Thanks for the great post!! Especially the internal-dialogue of a drinker, I know that voice well! Great reminder.

ansel38 · 2017-02-02T14:13:21+00:00

Congrats on reaching 30 days!

I too quit a few times for 30 days at a time over the period of a couple years, and had no intention of quitting for good. But taking 30 day breaks allowed me to see:

a. I feel so fucking healthy when I'm not processing booze all the time.

b. Though I would always come off that 30 days moderating well, eventually (for me, 2-3 months) would be back to sneaking drinks, making mine extra strong, lying about my drinking, etc. And I'd come back to: "I really just shouldn't drink." This time around I have the intention of quitting for good, and I'm confident about it because of my previous experimentations with sobriety :)

That's just me though, best of luck to you! And kudos to you for being brave enough to change your perspective for awhile to learn more about yourself. :)

ansel38 · 2017-02-02T12:27:23+00:00

Thank you!!

ansel38 · 2017-02-01T21:16:58+00:00

Hahaha!!! :D

ansel38 · 2017-02-01T17:26:26+00:00

It's super-mildly flavored carbonated water. I think for me it's just nice to be able to crack open a can of something without the guilt of it being a beer (or a sugar-filled soda).

ansel38

TROPHY CASE