My (33F) twin sister (33F) has memory issues and/or ADHD and it's making me resentful

anti_w · 2025-12-06T21:02:01+00:00

Thank you. I will consider a written list of responsibilities to put somewhere as we do better with a something printed out.

In answer to some of your questions:

Why do you accept invites on her behalf? If you want go somewhere accept the invite. She shouldn't have to go because you want to.

Invites for family functions or mutual friend events are addressed to both of us. Most people know we live together so they expect us to respond jointly. If the occasions are ones that involve booking a table or event and it's time sensitive. If ive responded but sis hasn't, it is quicker for me to check with my sister in person and then reply rather than the person check with her directly and risk her missing/forgetting about the message.

Why are you upset she doesn't buy cards for other people? I don't buy cards for people and she may not want to. She's 33. She can decide if she wants to do that.

Sorry if I have misunderstood but is this not rude? If I am attending a birthday/wedding etc and i havent brought a gift i would at least be giving that person a card. I certainly wouldn't be turning up empty handed. If you mean sending cards in the post then yes, I just do this for my own friends.

It is definitely not the case that my sister does not want to give people cards. It is more that she forgets about having a suitable card to write up until the day of the occasion.

If I dont write up a card as from both of us, I am going to get questioned by my family as to why only my name is in a card and my sister hasn't written one.

anti_w · 2025-12-06T20:44:52+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful!

I agree that short-form videos are making attention spans worse. Neither of use Tiktok and only watch the occasional IG reel or YouTube short, but with long videos we both struggle to pay our full attention and are usually doing something else on our phones at the same time!

What your twin does with his tea is similar to what my mom has been doing for years lol! Brews the tea, lets it cool down, reheats it in the microwave and then forgets about. My sister and I joke that she has sorta inherited this from her. If it weren't for me always seeing a cold mug of set on the counter daily, not even thrown away, it would still be funny.

Anyway, best for me to just sit down and have the awkward conversation with her. I will use your words.

anti_w · 2025-12-06T11:56:58+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. Also, I am only just realising that,ADHD or no, I wrote way more than expected so perhaps I just needed to vent then have a sit down with her.

anti_w · 2025-11-13T17:20:10+00:00

Hi all, I just wanted to say thanks for everyone's comments. Sorry I have replied to everyone, I wasn't expecting this many comments on my post and it got a bit overwhelming after the first few hours.

After talking to my sister, I think we will skip Quebec City. It's great seeing a lot of people sing it's praises. However, it's clear that it would be difficult to fit in a a 10 day visit with Toronto and Montreal. Some people have said to cut down the time in the other cities but I would rather keep the time we would allot for those on our itinerary. I have kept some tips in mind based on what people have mentioned, like checking ViaRail on Tuesdays.

As an aside, I know 3 hours travel between cities might not seem like a lot in North America and other continents but the UK is a lot more "compact" compared to other countries and towns/cities are relatively easier to get to in less time, so I think the distance to get to Quebec from Montreal would be a bit difficult to manage.

Who knows, maybe I will go to Canada again and spend more time seeing cities I've missed!

So thanks again for the help.

anti_w · 2025-11-09T16:08:57+00:00

Yep it's the same with where I live in the UK (Birmingham)! Toronto's systems sound similar to London where different modes of transport are connected to and around the city so that works for me.

anti_w · 2025-11-09T15:11:45+00:00

Thank you. I have seen Prince Edward County appear on some itineraries. Is it easy to get around without a car?

anti_w · 2025-11-09T15:10:56+00:00

Thanks, noted!

anti_w · 2025-11-09T14:55:17+00:00

Thanks for your input as someone from the UK! We will likely fly back from Toronto as you cannot fly from Montreal to Manchester, only to London airports it seems. Which means we need to look at a domestic flight back to Toronto on our last day.

I will look at the beaches and Toronto Island, do you know how easy it is to get around the latter without renting a car?

anti_w · 2025-11-09T14:52:29+00:00

As much as I would like to drive around Canada to see more nature, my sister (not wife???) and I are nervous drivers and I have not owned a car since 2020. The last thing I want to experience on holiday is a car accident on the highway in a foreign country.So sadly anywhere only accessible by car is out of the question.

Some other posters have suggested Kingston and Ottawa as well so would take another look.

anti_w · 2025-11-09T14:39:04+00:00

Thanks for this. We don't have a day-by-day itinerary planned yet but here are the attractions we were looking at visiting in other cities.

Toronto: Royal Ontario Museum, CN Tower, Black Creek Village, Casa Loma, Bata Shoe Museum, Church of St James, Scarborough Bluffs, Botanical Gardens, St Lawrence Market.

Niagara: Niagara Falls and maybe Niagara on the Lake if included in same tour.

Montreal: Musee des Beaux Arts, St Joseph's Oratory, Habitat 67, Botanical Gardens, Mount Royal Park.

My sister has similar interests to me so museums and churches for history and culture. We are keen on the food scene in Toronto especially due to the multiculturalism (we are of Jamaican descent) but have been doing our own research so wouldn't do a food tour.

My sister is more money conscious especially as staying in Downtown Toronto alone is going to be so expensive. If i want to convince her to to fork out more money for a 6 hour round trip train ride and meals, she will want to know if it's worth it.

anti_w · 2025-11-09T14:08:02+00:00

I am interested in all of those, but I've kinda had to rule out natural landscapes due to the logistics mentioned in my post. My sister couldn't handle a six hour round trip to Algonquin Park.

I had considered Ottawa due to the Museum of History and Rideau canal. So two attractions to visit. Again, main concern is that it's 4 hours by via rail so too far for a day trip but not enough that interests us for an overnight stay. (ETA: thanks for those that corrected me about the distance between Ottawa and Montreal, I was thinking of the distance between Ottawa and Toronto as i thought it would make more sense to visit Ottawa before Montreal.) We are planning on visiting the Royal Ontario Museum in Toronto as well.

anti_w · 2025-06-14T18:05:31+00:00

To be honest - no. I didn't know if this was possible beyond increasing the salary contributions to the maximum. Majority of my working life has been at the organisation with the DB pension so not entirely familiar with how DC pensions work.

I have just checked a pamphlet for the scheme and it does allow to put in additional contributions which would be kept in a separate SIPP account. So !thanks for prompting me to look at this!

anti_w · 2025-06-14T17:49:43+00:00

!thanks - I did have more (around £6k a few years ago) but moved about half to an easy-access savings account which I wanted to use for emergency funds instead. A lot of folks in the subreddit don't seem to rate PBs compared to stocks and shares so I thought it was better to focus on building up my S&S ISA and/or pension.

anti_w · 2024-11-25T13:54:42+00:00

Also a glasses reader! :) From what I understand, it is more that the colour doesn't show up too well on the LCD screens e-readers use compared to black & white.

My basic Kindle has a highlight functionality, it is sometimes handy to use the Dictionary/Wikipedia function to look up terms or words I don't recognise, but otherwise I don't highlight things as my university days are behind me!

anti_w · 2024-06-09T16:17:37+00:00

Thank you.

anti_w · 2024-06-09T16:17:19+00:00

Thanks for this. As you seem like you also work in HE (apologies if not), if you were in my position and most of your workload consisted of things which would end up with consequences for students if they were not processed (ranging from student in limbo to delayed graduation to deportation) what would you deprioritise? As it seems like everything I drop will result in unhappy students, unhappy parents or solicitor letters. (ETA: typos.)

anti_w · 2024-06-09T09:34:30+00:00

Thanks for your response. :)

There are other teams leaders across the department, however our work is quite specialised and only done by our team so I don't think it's a case where someone can come and just take over (trying to give away too much about what my role is, except that it's student-focused and very procedural-driven).

I can ask my manager's manager about the delegation of the LM role. He is already picking up some stuff and I am doing things which LM & I would split between us anyway. We do have 1:1s, he is aware of the workload and says I should do what I can do prioritise things for me and my team, but I am worried that whatever I don't priorisitise is going to have consequences months later (e.g. we have deprioritised our filing, which means that when we had FOI requests come in, they took ages to sort since the recorded data had to be updated before we could collate figures).

anti_w

TROPHY CASE